At The End Of The Road

"Interested in a job?"

"A job? You invited me back to offer me a job?"

"Not really," Tina said, taking a seat on the front steps, running her fingers through her hair, "but I was thinking about you last night, and I need one more body to help with some repairs. It'll be about three weeks, I can't promise any more than that. What do you say?"

My stomach fluttered, she was thinking about me last night. Three weeks of work or, more specifically, three weeks of an excuse to come by and see her every day. I'd be absolutely stupid to say no to that.

"I'll think about it."

She gave me a look of vague surprise, then she shrugged. Did I look desperate? "Okay, think about it."

Play it cool, stupid. "Okay, I thought about it, I'll do it." The expression of delight that crossed her face would have made it worth walking across a bed of broken glass in my bare feet.

"Great," she said happily, jumping to her feet, "then I've got a surprise for you."

"I don't like surprises."

"Then you're no fun, are you? You'll like this surprise, I promise."

She stepped down off the porch and took me by the hand, making my head spin wildly. Her hand was so soft, which was surprising considering how hard I knew she had to work. She led me back around the side of the house towards the barn. Beside the barn was a large pile of lumber, and there were several guys working on the long fence enclosing the field.

Tina let go of my hand, and for a second I felt disconnected from something more wonderful than I'd felt in a long time. I couldn't explain what I was feeling, I felt--silly. Finally, fifteen years later, the roles were reversed. I had a crush on Tina, just as she'd had a crush on me all those years ago. I really needed something to do so I wouldn't find myself following her around all day.

A few moments later, Tina returned dragging a taller, thin guy behind her who I barely recognized at first as her older brother, Tommy. Back in they day, he'd been the crazy fun kid with no common sense who did stupid things in a fun kind of way. I'd had good times running around with him getting in trouble all over the farm.

"Tommy," she said to her brother, gesturing towards me, "I don't know if you remember the kid whose head you almost broke open with an axe."

A huge, wide grin spread across his face, the exact same grin he had when I knew him as a dopey high school student and camp counselor.

"Dave," he said excitedly, "I can't believe it, how are you doing, man?" He held out his hand for me, which I shook enthusiastically.

"I'm doing good," I replied, "it's great to see you, you look good. Lost a lot of weight."

"Yeah, turns out you can't really race those little cars with a belly. Go figure. So what're you doing here after all these years?"

"Well, uh..." I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing there, but Tina stepped in for me.

"He's here to work. Why don't you show him what we're doing and get started?"

"Sounds good," Tommy said, "come on, buddy, we'll go meet the guys and let this slave driver get back to her life of luxury."

"Shut up, Tom," Tina said playfully. She flashed me her beautiful smile, and then I was off to build some fences.

* * *

The work was hard, but it felt good. It turns out they were rebuilding almost all of the fences, which seemed to me like more than three weeks worth of work. There were three other guys working, friends of the family who had agreed to work cheap.

The sun beat down on us as we worked, and Tina brought us out seemingly gallons of iced tea every hour. Working with Tommy made me think fifteen years hadn't in fact elapsed since the last time I was there. He had the same goofy sense of humor as when he was younger, and except that he now had a wife and two kids, things hadn't changed much.

Around noon, we took refuge by the barn for lunch. Tina had brought out about a dozen sandwiches, and they were great, but I was hardly interested. Earlier in the morning, she'd changed into a pair of low cut jean shorts which showed off her nicely tanned legs and her perfect stomach, and I tried to catch a glimpse at every opportunity without being too obvious in front of her brother.

Tommy, on the other hand, was not a stupid man in the slightest. After Tina delivered more iced tea during lunch, Tommy looked at me and chuckled.

"What's so funny?" I asked. Tommy shook his head and grabbed a second sandwich.

"Remember how she used to follow you around all the time? Tried to hold your hand and sit in your lap and all that shit?"

"I remember. Those were the days."

"No kidding. I spent all those summers looking after you kids, and now I've got kids of my own. It's weird." He gazed off toward the house, where Tina was tirelessly polishing leather saddles. "She went through some hard times," he said regretfully, "when Mom died. She wanted to keep this place, and I don't think I was as supportive as I should have been."

"She told me about it. I don't think she holds it against you, Tom, everybody has their own dreams. Look how well she's doing now. And you're here now, helping her out as much as you can, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Tommy said, his face lightening, "well, for all your valuable advice, I've decided against hitting you in the head with an axe today."

"You're a real sweetheart."

Tommy chuckled and then turned his attention back to lunch. Since Tommy seemed to be able to see right through me, I decided to freely stare off into space and daydream about the girl who had welcomed me back into her world with open arms. After a few minutes, a large pickup truck pulled into the drive. When it stopped, a tall, good-looking guy in a black cowboy hat stepped out and approached the house.

When she saw him, Tina dropped what she was doing and walked over to the man. My heart dropped straight into my shoes as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. I could feel my ears turns red and my stomach begin to turn.

"Who is that?" I asked Tommy.

Tommy gave a sideways glance over at her sister and the man, then turned away with a highly disapproving look. "That's Brett, Tina's fiancé."

* * *

Over the short course of my adulthood, I've learned to believe that the stronger I feel about a woman, the less available she'll always turn out to be. This theory, so far, has been as consistent as the laws of physics. This time was no different, and just as miserably painful, if not more so.

"She didn't tell you she was engaged?" I heard Tom's voice ask from some distant place in time. The words echoed through my head as if they were trying to escape, but they couldn't find an opening so they just decided to bash their way through my skull.

"No, she didn't," I managed to croak. I watched Tina kiss Brett one more time, then they went in the house and I wanted to burn my eyes out with a hot poker.

"He's okay, I guess," Tommy continued, as if he thought I actually wanted to hear more, "he's good to her...maybe not good FOR her, but he's good TO her."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's an arrogant dickhead. He throws money around like he's king of the world, tries to, anyway. He knew I wanted to be a driver, offered to buy me into the business, which is bullshit, if I'm going to get there, I want to get there myself because I worked for it."

"What's your sister doing with him?"

He seemed hesitant to continue, but did so anyway. "He took care of her through those first couple of years when things were really bad, helped her out with the stables a lot. Pretty much saved the place from foreclosure when no one else could. And then he was just...there for her when she needed him the most."

"You don't like him."

"I appreciate what he did for Tina, but no, I don't. I think he feels like she owes him, and I think she just thinks she loves him. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I stayed quiet after that, not really feeling like I could talk anymore, and when it was time to get back to work, I was relieved to have something to take my mind off it.

Unfortunately, my mind is not the type of mind to be easily distracted, and I felt like I was going to explode. When I had first arrived there, Tina had seemed so...so...friendly. When it came down to it, that was all she had been, friendly. It wasn't like she asked me out, she had just been friendly, and I had taken it the wrong way. It was my fault I was heartbroken, it was something I'd done to myself more often than not.

I couldn't have been in a shittier mood even if Brett had decided to pay an evening visit to check on the progress of our work. Unfortunately, that's exactly what he decided to do.

* * *

He sauntered out to the fence just as we were winding down for the day. We had warning as Tommy whispered under his breath, "Watch out, boys, here comes lord of the manor."

I turned to see Brett stride across the gravel path towards the barn, his hat tipped coolly on his head, his designer jeans crisp as the day he bought them, his shiny new boots made out of some kind of exotic animal. He walked with all the confidence of a man with a fat wallet, good looks, and a beautiful fiancé, and I hated him because I'd met a hundred guys just like him before and they were all the same.

"Hey boys," Brett said, "how's the construction going?"

"Why, they's a-goin' jes' fine, massa," Tommy said loudly enough for the other guys to get a good chuckle out of it. Brett frowned as if he didn't quite understand.

"Yeah, well, these fences look absolutely fantastic, fellas, keep up the good work." Brett grinned with a wide, toothy grin that reminded me of a car salesman. Then, as if I didn't already want to put a bullet in my head, Brett turned to me, the fake grin still plastered on his face.

"Well, how're you doing there, buddy," he said, coming towards me with his hand outstretched. I shook it because it was the polite thing to do. "I guess you're the new boy."

"The new boy?" I couldn't help myself. What planet was this guy from?

"Whatever. Tina told me all about you, said you had a little crush back in the day--"

"That's not exactly--"

"--well, things have changed around here, partner, and my Tina's made a man out of me, so I'm going to--"

"She what?"

"I mean, you know, this is my place now, and no offense there Tommy, your mom was a great woman, but I think this stables running better than ever, the horses look good and--"

"You talk too damn much." It was out of my mouth before I had a chance to process it. Brett finally shut his mouth and looked at me like my hair was on fire.

"What did you say to me?" he asked, his tone nothing but confrontational. From behind me, I could hear Tommy clear his throat and the rest of the guys turned completely quiet.

"I said, Brett, you talk too damn much. First of all, I don't remember anyone telling me that you owned this place, and secondly, yes, Tom's mother was a great woman, and this was the greatest place on earth when she was running it. And now that Tina's running it, I feel the same way."

Brett glared at me for what seemed like forever. "Who the hell do you think you are?" he said. "You don't come on the land I own and--"

"You don't own shit--"

Brett interrupted me with a finger jabbing into my chest, which I immediately slapped away hard. "Don't fucking touch me."

Tommy immediately sprang forward and got between the two of us. "Okay, okay, that's enough, everybody just chill."

"Hey Tommy," Brett said, still staring me down, "tell your little friend his ass is fired, and that if he doesn't get off my property, I'll escort him off with a goddamn shotgun--"

"Brett!" He turned at the sound of Tina's voice behind him and glared at her.

"Real nice friends your hiring, Tina," he growled at her.

"Just go, Brett."

"I'm not going anywhere, this is my--"

"This is not your property, Brett," Tina said calmly, "I already paid you back what I owed you, stop saying that."

Brett walked close to her, and angry look in his eyes, and pointed his finger fiercely in her face. "You wouldn't have this place if it weren't for me. You've got no fucking appreciation for what I've done for you."

Tina rolled her eyes and breathed a deep sigh. "Just go, okay Brett?"

Brett fumed for a moment, and I braced myself in case he decided to blow. He began to walk away, then turned back to me. "This isn't over, asshole, you're on my bad side now." He turned and continued on his way. Tina looked at me sadly and mouthed the words "I'm sorry."

Then she turned and went after him.

* * *

I wanted to smack myself for losing control like I had. I'm one of the most tolerant people I could ever imagine, but Brett just rubbed me the wrong way. Brett embodied every big mouth I'd ever met in my life and wanted to shut up but did nothing. He had, unfortunately, gotten the better of me, and while it had felt good to tear into him, I was suddenly feeling incredibly foolish.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I muttered under my breath, holding my head in my hands as if it were going to pop off at any second. Tommy gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry about it, man. You're absolutely right, when it comes down to it, Brett doesn't own a damn thing around here, he can't do anything."

I chuckled bitterly. "Right, but Tina...well, I almost got into a fight with her fiancé, and now..."

"Tina likes you, she's not going to fire you. She knows how Brett can be sometimes, and I'll bet you a twenty she'll have him back here tomorrow apologizing to you."

I had no way of telling Tommy that it wasn't the job or an apology I was worried about.

The sun was setting; it was about time to go for the night. One of the other workers, a massive black guy named Bill, walked up and patted Tommy on the shoulder.

"Now that the shit stopped hitting the fan, we're gonna get going," Bill said quietly. Tommy nodded, and then Bill looked at me. "Hey man, that was the funniest thing we've seen all day. 'Brett, you talk too damn much.'"

I couldn't help but smile as Bill chuckled maniacally and held his hand out to me. I shook it, and he smiled. "We'll see you tomorrow, man, nobody's gonna get fired around here."

"Thanks, Bill. See you tomorrow."

The rest of the guys took off for the night, leaving Tommy and me on our own, me wallowing in my stupidity.

"See, the rest of the guys like you," Tommy said in amusement, "they'd like you even better if you'd have kicked his ass."

"That was a thought."

"Look man, go home, get some rest, sit in the corner for an hour and think about what you've done."

I laughed, partially at what he said, partially at the idea of going home to the sleeping bag in the back of my car. It was my choice, all of it, leaving my home, sleeping in my car, working here, almost knocking out Brett. Not all the best choices, but they were my choice nonetheless.

I said goodbye to Tommy and made my way across the property towards my car. I hit the front yard without looking back, not wanting to know if Tina was there or if Brett was still there. I could deal with all of that tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, I'd come by and just help build a fence, nothing more. I could ignore my feelings for Tina, it was just another crush, and I had ignored plenty of those before.

I looked up to see Tina standing by my car. Obviously, I'd be ignoring nothing for the time being.

"Tina, I'm sorry about earlier, I really didn't--"

"It's okay," she said quietly, "he just...he can be kind of...I don't know..."

"An asshole?"

A tiny, subtle smile crept over her lips that I could tell she was trying to hold back. "He's really a good man, I swear."

"Yeah, those are lovely things he says about you and your family."

"He doesn't really mean it."

"And that's why he comes out and says it in front of everybody--"

"Well, it's not really any of your goddamn business," she snapped.

"Right," I said quietly, "you're right. It's not any of my business, I'm sorry."

I looked away from her and took out the key to unlock my car. Just as I got to the lock, I felt her hand on my arm, and as it had before, her touch made a tingle creep up my spine. It was a wonderful feeling, but in light of the events of that day, I wished she would stop doing it, it made things a lot worse.

"I need to ask you something," she said seriously.

"Okay."

"Where do you live?"

My brain wasn't functioning fast enough, and I knew it. "I, uh, it's a place right down in, um..."

"The back seat of your car?"

I'd answered too slowly, and she had caught me in my lie. No doubt she'd seen the sleeping bag already as she was standing there. "Yeah, actually, that would be the place."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

I shrugged, trying to play it off so she wouldn't actually believe I was a drifter. "It's not a big deal, I've been doing it on and off for a couple of years now. I've gotten used to it, I kind of enjoy it now." It was another lie, but I thought it sounded good, and I added the sheepish smile at the end in an attempt to make it more convincing.

"I don't want you doing that anymore," she said as if she hadn't heard a single thing I'd said, "it's dangerous and stupid, and I've got all these empty rooms in the house, and it would be silly for me not to offer you one."

I frowned at her, not sure of how to answer. "You want me to stay here?"

"Yeah, well, it's better than the back seat of your car. Look, I could just offer you a safe place to park your car for the night, but it would be ridiculous for you to sleep in your car in front of a house with a free room. So just don't argue with me on this, okay?"

How could I say no? I should have so no, but I didn't.

"Okay."

* * *

Except for the near fight, that night was one of the most special nights I'd had in a long time. Tina made dinner, and I'd had some great home-cooked meals during my time on the road, but Tina was an exceptional cook. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, fresh vegetables she grew herself, everything was perfect.

We sat at a small table in the kitchen, a lit candle between us which I'm not sure was necessary, but nice in any case. When we were finished, I had eaten way more than I had really intended to.

"Was it okay?" she asked.

"Okay? It was delicious. Best meal I've had in as long as I can remember."

She smiled brightly, her eyes sparkling in the candlelight. "Thanks. Coffee?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."

Tina got up from the table and went over to fix coffee. "So, what was it like traveling the country?"

"Exhausting. It was the best experience of my life, but it was exhausting."

"What do people talk to you about?"

"Pretty much everything. But it seems like every person I talked to wanted to talk about sex in one way or another. It seems to be the one tie that binds this country together."

She turned and gave me a surprised smile. "Are you serious?"

"Serious," I said, "for the rest of my life I may never hear as many sex stories as I did in that year and a half I spent just talking to people. I mean, this country, this entire world as a matter of fact, is fascinated with sex. Just watch HBO, you'll see what I mean."

Tina laughed and poured two cups of coffee, then brought them back to the table and looked at me. "So, you've written a lot of sex stories then, I take it?" she said suggestively.

I paused, not positive whether I wanted to admit to that. "Well, yeah, actually I have. Quite a few. I made quite a bit of money on those, it's what people want."

She was very quiet for a moment, although I knew exactly what she was going to ask next. "Do you think I could read a couple sometime?" I could see her face turn pink and she looked away from me.

I couldn't help but smile at how sweet she was. She really had no idea how many times I'd been asked that very question, but for the most part, the answer was always, "No, I don't think that's a good idea."