At The End Of The Road

I placed my hands on her head, carefully pulling her away from me, and the look she gave me was one of disappointment. She defiantly slipped her tongue along the length of my shaft, then gazed up at me again. I dropped to my knees before her, barely able to hold myself up after she nearly sucked me dry.

"So," she said with a sassy tone, "how patient are you now?"

"I need you."

She smiled triumphantly. Without another word, she lay back again, wrapping her legs around me, lifting her hips off the floor, inviting me in. I pressed close to her, close enough to feel the heat pulsing between her legs, and reached down with one hand to guide myself to her wet opening. She groaned with delight as I slid the tip of my erection up and down her moist slit, teasing her as she rolled her hips against me.

I watched her smile, her eyes shut, her body twisting slightly. She was beautiful, and I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I pressed forward into her slowly, gently, trying to feel every inch of her. She inhaled deeply, then exhaled in a breathy sigh. It was like sliding into the most exquisite silk, and my entire body tensed as I penetrated her as deeply as possible.

"Please, please, please," I heard her whisper as she bit her bottom lip. I began a slow pumping in and out of her, and the louder her cries grew, the faster and harder I went until I was thrusting into her at almost a frantic pace. She called out to me over and over, her hips bucking off the floor against me. A few moments later, she released a primal groan, and I could feel her muscles clenching around my cock, her thighs squeezing around my waist in an orgasm that seemed to last forever.

As she finally relaxed, she reached her arms around my neck and pulled herself up off the floor without ever breaking our connection. She pressed close, looking me straight in the eye as she continued riding me, grinding her pelvis against mine. Her fingers snaked into my hair, and she guided my head to her breast, which I suckled ravenously. She held me tightly, cried out, and again I could feel the wave sweep through her body, and I was no longer sure how much longer I could last.

"Lie back," she whispered in my ear, and I had no choice but to obey. For the first time, she slipped off me, and I suddenly felt very cold and exposed. I lay down on my back, and Tina squatted over me. She reached a hand below her and wrapped it around my erection, guiding me back into her. She positioned me just barely inside her, then lowered herself down to fully engulf me, slid back up, then down again. The muscles in her legs flexed and she went faster, the muscles inside her flexing around me, her juices flowing down onto me.

She pumped me quicker and quicker until I could finally feel the release coming. I let out a cry, and Tina rode harder.

"Inside me, love, come inside me, please" she groaned as she threw her head back, her own orgasm making her shudder. I felt my stomach grow taut, and then the release surged through me, making my head spin out of control. I felt the hot liquid spurt into her over and over until I thought I would pass out. When it was over, she collapsed onto my chest, both of us breathing as if we'd run a marathon.

In my entire life, I couldn't remember ever feeling so relaxed, so at peace. Tina laid her head on my chest so she could listen to my heart beat, and I ran my fingers through her blonde hair, enjoying the sensation of her breathing beside me. We stayed that way for what could have been an hour, but what felt like five minutes to the two of us.

We were in love, and for a little while, it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

* * *

At some ungodly hour in the morning, before it started storming again, Tina and I ran back to the house covered in a blanket. We hadn't bothered to put clothes back on; it seemed like a futile activity, since we'd just have to peel them all off again. Tina only made me run back to the barn once to extinguish the lantern so we wouldn't burn the place down.

Comfortable in her bed, Tina and I barely slept the rest of the night. We wasted away the hours talking about anything and everything, lying there in each other's arms, and just enjoying being so close to each other. We spent time in between making love, having sex, fucking, sometimes all three at once, in every position imaginable, each of us trying to make it a night the other would never forget.

After what could have been the fifth time, we laid back, breathing heavily, bathed in sweat.

"God almighty," I said breathlessly.

Tina turned to me and beamed. "This is the most wonderful night I've ever had."

"You too, huh?"

She threw her arm over me and kissed me sloppily on the cheek. We both breathed a sigh of satisfaction, and were quiet for a moment.

"Tina?"

"Hmm?"

"I need to ask you something."

She froze for a moment. "Why do I not want to know what?"

"It's just...I need to know. I need to know what it is. This has been the most amazing night of my life, and I need to know why when tomorrow comes, you won't be mine anymore."

She released a sad sigh, and looked at me, her fingers absently trailing across my chest.

"You hate Brett," she said, "because you think he feels like I owe him. It's kind of true, I do owe him, but for more than just helping me save this place."

"What was it?"

She seemed hesitant to continue, but did so anyway. "After my suicide attempt, I had a problem with alcohol. I met Brett at one of our meetings, and he was my sponsor. When I got better, the roles reversed, he slipped and I became his sponsor. He helped me through my most terrible time, and now I'm helping him through his. He can be an asshole, I know, and I'm not making excuses for that, but he needs me. And in a way, I need him, too."

I sat silently, trying to take it all in, trying to figure out if I should be hurt or understanding. "So, last night..."

"Last night...he has good days and bad days." She was quiet for a long moment, staring off into the darkness. "His little sister was killed in a car accident six months ago. She was thirteen. It's been bad ever since."

It all fell into place, and a pang of guilt racked my brain. Brett wasn't just a drunk asshole, he was an alcoholic trying to kill the pain. I couldn't forgive him for the things he said, but I could finally understand why he was the way he was.

"I'm sorry, Tina."

"For what?"

"For all this," I answered, "for coming into your life and screwing everything up."

Her head dropped slightly and she looked up at me with her serious green eyes. "Don't ever say that," she said soberly, "I wouldn't have given this night up for anything, I wouldn't have given the last month up for anything. I love you so much, I just wish things were different."

"Me too."

* * *

My sleep was fitful, my mind knowing that although Tina was there in my arms, things might be different the next day. Or the day after, or the day after that, but I knew deep down Tina would never really be mine, and that eventually, I would have to let her go.

But not tonight. I held her closer, feeling her warm breath against my chest. My dreams came on and off, and I was vaguely aware that the storm had rolled back in, the sound of distant thunder barely audible through the cloud of unconsciousness.

I remember the crack of thunder, a flash, then another crack, but I paid little attention.

I woke with a start, jarred out of my sleep by a dream I couldn't remember. I looked beside me and Tina was still there, curled up, fast asleep, her face bathed in a flickering orange light I couldn't quite place. As I looked around, I could see the entire room was lit by the same faint orange glow.

My heart stop when I glanced out the window.

"Oh my God," I uttered, quickly jumping to my feet to pull some clothes on. "Oh my God, Tina, wake up, the barn."

I hoped it was part of my dream, but when I ran outside, I knew it wasn't. The barn was ablaze in a curtain of flames that threatened to quickly engulf the entire structure. I had no idea how long it had been burning, but I could already see that it was too far along to save.

"No, no, oh no," I heard a quiet voice whisper tearfully behind me. Tina stood in shock, unblinking, tears running down her face as she stared at the blaze.

"Oh God, Tina, the horses."

"It's okay," she managed to say, "they're all out. They're all safe...the barn...I can't believe it's gone."

I held her as she quietly watched her barn burning to the ground.

* * *

We never called the fire department. Knowing there was nothing we could do and that the rest of the farm was safe, we decided not to waste their time. Tina and I sat until the break of daylight watching the final embers burn away into nothing. She was extremely downhearted, having lost a piece of the history of her farm, and I had no idea how to help her.

Tommy came early that morning and immediately swept his sister into his arms, the two of them crying together as they stood before the pile of smoldering ashes. I sat quietly, watching them, letting them mourn.

As it turned out, a bolt of lightning had hit one of the dead trees by the barn. The tree caught on fire, then fell onto the barn. It was a freak accident.

Later in the morning, Tommy came a sat down next to me. I patted him on the shoulder.

"Sorry, buddy."

"Ah, you know," Tommy said wearily, "accidents happen, I guess. It's hard but...I'm just worried about Tina."

"Me too." I watched her linger by what was once the barn, seemingly lost in thought. "I think she'll be okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. No, I know she'll be okay." And as if to punctuate my thought, Tina stoically walked over to us, chin up as I was used to seeing her.

"Okay," she said, "we'll build a new one."

Tommy and I looked at her in amazement. "We'll what?" Tommy asked.

A smile spread on her face, a hopeful kind of smile that said she knew exactly what she was doing. "We're going to build a new barn. Build it by hand, just like the first one. Only better."

"Can you afford it?"

"Of course I can."

I smiled at her, seeing the gleam back in her eyes again. It amazed me how strong she was. She turned to me. Grabbing me by the hands, she looked into my eyes. "Will you stay? Will you help me?"

"There's nothing I'd rather do." Her smile dazzled me, and her kiss made my toes curl. Behind us, I could hear Tommy clear his throat.

"I'd love to hang around for the sloppy kisses," Tommy said, "but I've got a barn to build."

* * *

The plan was set that very morning, and Tina was going to charge in headfirst. She'd had enough moping, and she wasn't going to dwell in the past, she was going to make her own. By nine in the morning, she was already on the phone with an associate to draw up a plan for the new barn. She was rolling, and I couldn't have been more impressed by her.

Right from the start, Tommy and I were set to clear away the debris from the barn, which we figured we could finish in a couple of days. I ran out to my car to grab a pair of gloves, but when the black pickup truck pulled into the driveway, I could feel my world crashing around me again.

When Brett stepped out, my heart was pounding in my chest until I saw him. He looked exhausted, and seemed to have aged ten years since I saw him the night before. There was nothing confrontational in his eyes as he approached me, and he came towards me cautiously as if I was going to hit him again.

I found myself barely able to even look at him, and I turned to my car as he approached. If I looked at him, I might feel the need to say something inappropriate. Just because I felt sorry for him didn't mean I had to like him.

"We need to talk," Brett said quietly.

"About what?"

"Tina."

I gave him a sideways glance. "What about her?"

He cleared his throat and took a breath. "Do you love her?"

"Yes, I do. We, uh...we spent the night together last night." There was no hesitation; it was the truth, I had to tell him.

"Yeah, I don't blame you," he said, his eyes full of pain. I watched him carefully, but none of the fight I saw in him the night before seemed to be there. "She's a beautiful person...most beautiful person I ever met. I never realized how much I loved her I lost her. Funny how things work like that."

I nodded silently. I understood completely how he felt.

"I do love her," I said quietly, gazing down at my feet, "I love her with all my heart. I love her enough to know that I have to let her go."

Brett gave me a mildly surprised look. "What do I do?" he said.

"What do you do? You love her with all your heart. You have to be willing to give up everything for her, to dedicate your life to her, to listen her and understand her. You have to love her the way she loves you. And she does love you, Brett." It made my heart ache to say it, but I knew it was true. I'd known from the start.

"I can do that."

"Good. Then there's one more thing you have to do."

* * *

I walked slowly toward the ground where the barn once stood. Tommy and Tina were there, surveying the area, Tina telling her brother about her future design ideas. As soon as she saw me, Tina ran up to me.

"Look, sweetie, I think if we--"

"Tina, I have to go," I interrupted before she could get any further. The look on her face was one of utter shock, but when she looked over my shoulder and saw Brett standing back by the house, it turned into one of understanding. She looked past me at Brett for a long time, then began walking towards him.

"What are you talking about," Tommy said, "we need you to help us, man."

"I've got a guy whose going to help you." I turned and glanced at Brett. Tina had already made her way over to him. They spoke quietly; about what, I don't know. Brett appeared to be crying, and Tina slowly reached up and put her arms around his neck. I turned away as she held him.

"You're kidding," Tommy said, "you're really doing this?"

"It's what's right." I held out my hand to him. "Good luck, Tom."

He shook it in acceptance. "Good luck to you. Come back any time, okay?"

"Yeah."

I turned and made my way back past the house to the driveway, not looking back for Tina or Brett. It amazed me how tired both my body and my mind were. It was the irony that got to me. I'd just spent the last two years trying to stay on the outside of the lives of everyone I met, trying to be an audience on the sideline. Then, in a single day, a day I'd never forget, the day I came back to that place, I got caught dead in the middle.

The truth is, I wasn't sad as I left. Okay, that's not really the truth, I was sad when I left that place, but I wasn't devastated. I was aware of how difficult life was, aware of how difficult the choices often were, but I wasn't so afraid of making them anymore.

I'd like to say it was that easy to leave, but it wasn't. Just as I was getting into my car, Tina ran down the driveway, her eyes full of tears. I walked towards her, and she threw herself at me, wrapped her arms around my neck as if she weren't going to let go. I held her while she cried softly on my shoulder, wanting so badly to cry myself, but wanting more to stay strong for her.

After a few minutes, she pulled back and looked me in the eyes.

"I wish you didn't have to go," she said sadly.

"Me too."

"I'll always wish things had been different."

I looked up the hill, where I could see Brett helping Tommy carry away some of the debris.

"Not always," I said. "Just don't forget about me, okay?"

And we kissed, our final kiss, so warm and loving I can still feel it on my lips when I think about it.

"I'll never forget."

Then she let go and walked away without turning back.