At The End Of The Road

"Yeah, absolutely, any time."

She smiled slyly. "You'll read one to me?"

That question came out of left field, and I could feel my face turn beet red, not something that happened often. I'd love more than anything to read one of my stories to her, to cuddle up next to her in bed and read her my most steamy selection, but there was something that bothered me, and I had to know.

"How does Brett feel about me staying here?"

The way her face dropped, I knew I shouldn't have said anything, but I thought I had a right to know. I wasn't going to tolerate being threatened with an ass kicking every day, and I had no doubt in my mind Brett would do exactly that, regardless of what my intentions were.

"I'd give anything to travel the country like that," Tina said quietly without looking up from the table.

"Tina?"

"It doesn't matter what Brett thinks," she said impatiently, her green eyes looking at me intently, "you were right, he doesn't own this place, so it doesn't matter. He's not going to be around for a while anyway."

"I didn't mean to cause trouble."

"Nobody ever means to cause trouble," she snapped. She started gathering up the dishes, and I could tell she was pissed.

"I'll get those."

"Fine," she said, dropping the dishes, "I'm going to bed." With that, she stalked out of the room, leaving me in a cloud of confusion.

* * *

The room Tina had put me up in was comfortable, far more comfortable than the motel rooms I'd rented on and off, and certainly more comfortable than the back seat of my car. In the corner sat a large, plush recliner that threatened to swallow me whole when I sat down in it, and I absolutely fell in love. I didn't even bother trying the bed, I knew exactly where I'd be spending the night.

Despite the comfort, however, it was my mind that threatened to keep me awake. I couldn't understand Tina, I couldn't understand why she was so angry with me simply for asking a question, I couldn't understand her relationship with Brett. Worse than any of that, however, I couldn't understand why I couldn't stop thinking about her. Every time I closed my eyes, she was staring back at me, her green eyes looking straight through me.

That night, I nodded off constantly, yet woke up just as much, my mind full of blurred thoughts.

There was a cloudy dream in which I remember seeing Tina's white horse. I was trying to take care of the horse, but the harder I tried, the sicker the horse became, until it finally faded away into nothing before my eyes.

The next thing I remember in my dream, I was back in my room, still sitting in the chair. The horse was gone, but the guilt of letting it die was still fresh. I was distracted from my self-pity, however, by a female form standing in the doorway. As she stepped into the light, I could see that it was Tina, dressed only in a sheer nightgown. She walked quietly, barely making a sound as she crossed the room towards me, her eyes fixed on me.

I could feel my head beginning to clear, but I begged myself to remain asleep so that I wouldn't lose the dream. I wanted to know what Tina was doing there, what she wanted, what she would say. She said nothing, however, as she slowly kneeled down before me, never taking her eyes off me, and raised her hand to my face, letting her fingers slide gently over my cheek. Her touch was exhilarating, and I closed my eyes.

Before I could open them again, I could feel the warmth of her near me, I could smell her sweet scent. I kept my eyes shut for fear that I would lose it all, lose the sound of her quickened breathing, the sound of my heart pounding in my chest. Closer now, I could feel her soft lips against mine, holding for just a moment, her warm breath on my mouth.

"I'm sorry," I heard her whisper softly.

Then her lips pressed eagerly against mine, mine pressing back, wanting to taste her, every part of her. Her moist lips parted, her tongue slipping casually past my lips, and I was suddenly aware of the full extent of my arousal. My mind raced to figure out a way to hide it from her, but as she kissed me with greater abandon, I knew it no longer mattered. As if she had read my thoughts, I felt her hand slip between my legs and grasp me firmly, sliding up and down as my entire body tightened with pleasure.

My eyes still shut, I reached my hands around her waist, pulling her to me, and she came willingly. Her thighs squeezed around me as she straddled my lap, and the sensation of her warm sex pressing against mine through her cotton panties made my mind reel completely out of control. There didn't seem to be any stopping as her riding instincts took her over, and she squeezed her thighs tighter around mine, her hips beginning to buck lightly against me. I could feel the strength of her legs, the same strength she used to control animals many times my size, and my heart raced at the thought of her taking me over.

Before I could whisper a word, however, she was pulling away from me, very slowly climbing off me. I opened my eyes, and the blurry vision of her face appeared to have nothing but sadness written on it.

As she drifted out of the room, I could once again hear her whisper, very quietly, "I'm sorry." Then, as she was almost gone, I thought I saw her lips form the words, "I love you."

She disappeared and my mind lingered back into the depths of unconsciousness.

* * *

At six in the morning, the alarm blared so loudly I thought my heart might explode. I reached over quickly to turn it off, then sat back, still in the chair, breathing heavily. My body felt as if it had been hit by a truck, which I attributed to the hard work from the day before. I certainly wasn't used to it, but I knew I would be by the time I was done.

I sat in the recliner for what seemed like forever trying to clear my head of the fitful sleep from the night before. After a moment, I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Yeah?"

The door cracked slightly, and Tina stuck her head in. "Hey, you decent?"

"Yeah, come on in."

She stepped in, not clad in the sheer nightgown from my dream, but in her usual sweatpants and tanktop. She was stunning in any case, and she stood there nervously, searching for words.

"Hey, listen, I'm sorry about last night," she said quietly.

"No, Tina, it's okay, I've been prying in your business way too much--"

"No, you haven't," she interrupted, "you've been very sweet about everything, especially considering what happened yesterday, and I just...it's complicated, that's all."

"I understand."

She paused for a moment, then smiled playfully when she saw that I'd slept in the recliner. "There's a bed right there, you know."

"I like the chair."

She gave me another one of her stunning smiles, then clapped her hands together. "Well, the boys are already here, breakfast will be ready in ten minutes."

"Great," I said. She slipped out of the room as I tried to dull the aching yearn deep in the pit of my stomach. It was difficult to see her after that dream and know that she wasn't really mine, that she belonged to someone else I couldn't even stand, someone else that, if I had the opportunity, I'd like to knock into next year. I wasn't entirely positive I'd be able to continue working in that condition, but I knew I had to be an adult, let me feelings go, and just do my damn job.

That yearn still burning away inside me, I slipped into my work clothes and made my way out to the kitchen. Tommy and Bill were sitting at the kitchen table with piles of breakfast food in front of them. They looked up at me as I entered, and I prayed they wouldn't say anything about the day before.

"Hey, hey," Bill said loudly, "it's the great white yuppie killer!"

Tommy laughed loudly as I tried to shush them. God help me, I didn't want Tina to hear anything for fear that she'd go off again, and next time she might not be so forgiving. I took a seat at the table and glared at them.

"Assholes," I whispered harshly, just as Tina entered the room.

"Good morning, little sister," Tommy said, "I think we're going to need a couple hundred more out of the budget."

"You need more lumber?"

"No, we've got plenty of lumber, we're out of beer and cigarettes."

"Ha-ha," Tina said dryly. Bill and I couldn't help but nod our heads in agreement, but she only glared at us. "You guys think you're funny. Why don't you get your asses to work?"

* * *

Though there were only three of us working during the weekdays, the work over the following weeks went smoothly without any side visits from Brett. Tina never really explained where he was, or whose idea it was for him not to come back, but I didn't bother to ask and didn't really care.

At night, when everyone had gone home and Tina and I were alone in the house, I could almost pretend she was mine. It was a happy, perfect little home, only she had no idea how I felt about her, and I had no idea how she felt about me. I wanted so badly to tell her how I felt, but I never knew how she'd react. I never quite understood why she took me in so readily and why she seemed to care so unconditionally, but it wasn't for me to question, just to accept.

Many nights went by that we ate dinner together as we had that first night. She was an excellent cook, but I could hold my own as well, fixing for her some of the recipes I'd learned during my travels. Her favorites happened to be the Cajun recipes I'd picked up after spending two weeks in New Orleans, and during those particular meals, she would insist that I tell her every detail about the place. It was fairly obvious she'd hardly ever been anywhere outside the state of Virginia, but not for lack of wanting. She absorbed every word I told her.

My feelings for her didn't diminish over those weeks, they grew quite strong, but I learned to live with them. In the back of my mind, I had the hope that perhaps Brett wasn't coming back at all. She never mentioned him anymore, and I certainly wasn't going to bring him up. It was as if he'd disappeared, and if I was lucky, I'd never have to see him again.

I wish I had known how wrong I was.

* * *

After almost a month, we were close to being finished with the entire project. Extra help had come and gone, but between Tommy, Bill, and me, we'd rebuilt the fences surrounding the entire property. The good news was that Tina had decided to budget for building an addition onto the barn as well, and we had another solid month of work ahead of us.

The night we finished the fence was perfectly cool, and we sat out for a while as the sun set with the very same beer and cigarettes Tommy had mentioned. Tina was in town for the evening with some friends; we knew she probably wouldn't approve, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. It had been months since I'd had either a beer or a cigarette, but after all the hard work, I figured I deserved it. The beer tasted good, the cigarette not so much, and Tommy laughed as he watched me turn a little pale.

"Hey man, smoking's bad for you," he said with a jolly grin on his face.

I pointed an accusatory finger in his direction. "You're the one that gave me my first cigarette, don't talk to me about smoking."

"What are you talking about?"

"All those many, many years ago, when I was here at camp, remember? We'd have those overnights, you and your friends would steal cigarettes from your parents. Don't deny it."

"He's a bad influence on everybody," Bill said, draining his beer in one long draw, "I wouldn't be drinking if it weren't for him."

"My ass you wouldn't be drinking," Tommy said, "don't listen to him, Dave. When I found this guy he was bobbing for apples in a keg of Miller."

"I don't--" I was interrupted by a loud bang, the sound of a door slamming at the house. My heart picked up a beat as it usually did when Tina showed up. It picked up another beat for a different reason, however, when Tommy spoke.

"Oh shit, Dad's home. And he doesn't look good."

I turned to see what he was talking about, and my heart dropped. Brett was making his towards us, and I could see that he was drunk. There was something dangling from his right hand, and I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was.

Tommy stood up with a look of panic in his eyes, then turned to me. "Go in the barn."

"No."

He whipped around on me, his eyes flaring, something I'd never seen before. "Go in the fucking barn, it doesn't have to go down like this."

"Listen to him, man," Bill said seriously, "we'll calm him down, it's just gonna get him all riled up to see you here."

"No," I said, "I'm not going to hide from him."

Brett approached us, a deliberate pace in his shaky step, his eyes bloodshot. He locked his glare onto me, and if he raised the shotgun he was carrying, I didn't think hiding in the barn was going to help.

As he got closer to us, he slowed down and a friendly smile came over his face. Tommy stepped directly in his path.

"Hey Brett, how's it going?" Tommy asked in the most amiable tone he could muster. "You going hunting tonight?"

Brett smiled at him, but in his eyes I could tell there was nothing but rage. "I sure am, Thomas, going hunting, that's right." He glanced at me over Tommy's shoulder, a disconcerting glance considering the circumstances.

"Well," Tommy said calmly, "why don't we just hang out for a little bit, you can put the gun down, have a beer."

"No," Brett said, his speech slightly slurred, "I don't think I want to do that, Tom. I've already had some beer tonight, but I'm not supposed to be drinking. Anyway, you could step out of my way now."

Tommy stiffened up as Brett tapped his finger on the side of his shotgun. I knew Tommy, and I knew he wouldn't be moved even if Brett stuck the barrel in his face with a finger on the trigger. I didn't want to see that happen, and I knew I had to do something.

"Let him by, Tom." Tommy turned to me, his eyes full of surprise. He probably thought I was out of my mind. "Go ahead, Tommy, it's cool, let me talk to the man."

After hesitating for an eternity, Tommy stepped out of the way, and Brett had a direct path toward me. Both Bill and Tommy watched him like a hawk as he approached me, thankfully still keeping the shotgun at his side. In the back of my mind, I thought I heard a car pull up in the drive, but I prayed Tina wasn't here to see any of this.

"So...loverboy," Brett said menacingly, "loverboy, loverboy. How's the fence building business?"

"What do you want, Brett?"

He shrugged absently. "Nothing, really, just for you to stay the fuck away from Tina."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Brett, she offered me a room, and that's all. There's nothing going on."

Brett's face twisted into a look of disgust and disbelief, and my heart jumped as I saw the hand holding the shotgun twitch. Still, I kept my ground, but braced myself in case I needed to jump out of the way. If it came to that, I could hide in the barn, but once I was in the barn, there wasn't much of a choice as to where to go from there.

"Bullshit there's nothing going on," he said, and I could have sworn I saw his eyes tear up. "I know exactly what the hell's going on."

"Brett, there's nothing, I swear--"

"BULLSHIT!" With that, the gun came up, and I found myself staring down the barrel, I saw my life down there, packed among the steel shot in a plastic tube. One click of the firing pin and it would all be blasted away. "Don't fucking lie to me--"

"I'm not lying--"

"You ARE lying, and I know it. She told me, she told me all about it."

Despite the fact that I was trying to stay calm and cool, I could feel a frown of confusion drift over my face. "She told you what?"

"About that night, she told me everything."

"What night, what are you--" I froze, and everything became clear as I looked at Brett's enraged face. I couldn't believe he was right. I'd thought it was a dream, and she'd let me think it was a dream, but it had all been real, every last second. Tina and I had been living together for weeks, pretending to be nothing but friends, but that first night she had come to me...

I thought it was a dream.

"Brett, I don't know what to do here," I said quietly, "you've got a gun."

"I don't want to have to shoot you. It's not worth it, the little slut's not worth it."

"Hey!" Tommy took a step toward Brett. He stopped as I put my hand up, not taking my eyes off the gun.

"She's not a slut Brett. But you don't have to shoot me, you can put the gun down and we can take care of this like men."

Brett eyed me for an eternity, then, without warning, he dropped the shotgun. I could hear a tremendous sigh of relief from Bill and Tommy. Tommy quickly bent down and picked up the shotgun, and I could feel my entire body relax. Brett didn't move as Tommy and Bill came to stand behind me. I turned to Tommy to tell him it was cool, and I never saw the sucker punch until it hit me square in the jaw.

I stumbled backwards, but if Brett had hit me any harder, I would have lost my footing completely. Brett stood there, enraged, as I tried to get my head back on straight, the pain shooting through my jaw making me dizzy and threatening to send me down.

"Come on, mother fucker," Brett said threateningly. I held my hands up as if to ask him to back off. The distraction allowed me enough time to take a swing that knocked him back flat on his ass. He sat there for a long moment with a look of shock as I stood over him. I could see he was making a move to get up before he was interrupted.

"Stop!" I heard Tina's voice shout. She hurried over, her face a mask of anger. I turned to her to explain, but before I could get a word out, she shoved me away from Brett and knelt beside him.

"Just stay away from him," she growled at me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Tina," Tommy said, "it wasn't his fault, Brett--"

"Just shut up, Tom," Tina snapped at him. She helped Brett to his feet as he nursed his cheekbone. She turned back to glare at me.

"Tina--"

"Don't you talk to me," she said furiously, "this is your fault." Without another word, she and Brett walked back to the house, leaving me in a state of pure astonishment.

* * *

I should have left that night. I had already overstayed my welcome by at least a month, but I couldn't bring myself to leave, I had to talk to Tina. I had to explain to her what had happened, I had to tell her how I felt, I had to tell her something, anything.

With a few words of support, Bill and Tommy left for the evening. Tina had taken Brett home, and I was left on my own. In the sky, dark storm clouds started to gather, and in the distance, I could hear low rumbles of thunder. I wandered the fields aimlessly, visiting the horses I had once been so afraid of, remembering those days from my childhood when everything was so much easier. I thought about little Tina following me around, and me going anywhere, trying anything, to get away from her.

Out in a far corner of the field, which felt about as far away from humanity as I could get, I came across Tina's stunning white horse. As soon as she saw me, she approached me and nudged me gently in the shoulder with her nose. I patted her gently, and she nodded her head in approval.

"I really fucked up this time, girl," I said quietly, taking a seat on a bale of hay. The horse let out an agreeable snort and started pulling out clumps of hay from beside me.

"Her name's Ivory," I heard a voice say from behind me. It was Tina. I turned to her, startled by how tired and sad she looked.

"She's the horse I saw you riding when I first came here."

"Yeah," Tina said, walking over to Ivory's side and lovingly stroking her neck. "We won a lot of shows together when I was younger, but I don't get too many chances anymore."

"I guess not," I said quietly. Aside from that, I didn't know what else to say.