Awakenings Ch. 01

She would always remember his eyes.

The first time that she saw them, Sarah couldn't help feel sad. They were grey and seemed to go on forever. The rest of him would never make the front cover, but his eyes were the kind that you fell into. And she did. Without even knowing it, Sarah had fallen in love with the man in less than a heartbeat, less than a single moment in time.

Over time, she had become more drawn to the man. Sara couldn't control it; she just fell hard for him. James was a quiet man, but had strength in him that only those who paid attention would ever see. She had met him at work, and had partnered up with him but it was clear by the time that they finished their second shift together that her feelings were more than professional.

There were so many little things about him that she loved. He had a gentleness that made her feel warm and sent shivers down her spine. His strength and dependability made her feel safe. He was a good man in the storm. He was also real. Sarah didn't think that there was a more honest man on the planet, even when she didn't want to hear the answer. She cried when James told her about his first wife and the way that she had died. He seemed real. To Sarah, James was the last honorable man.

She loved him for all of this and more.

Yet she kept it locked inside as her little secret. When he walked into work with that confident, fluid-like stride, she turned away so that nobody would notice that she was blushing. There were so many things that she admired about the man, things that only drew her to him even more. On the job, he was always cool under pressure, dependable, something that wasn't very common these days.

Two weeks after they started working together, Sarah wrote in her diary that she had met the man that she would marry.

What made it even worse was that they became friends. They would go out to dinner and movies together, or stay at his house and rent movies and just talk. She would find herself moving her hand closer to him, just wanting to feel his touch, but would quickly draw it back, hoping that he didn't notice. He had a gentle smile that went with his quiet voice. He seemed shy at first, which Sarah thought was sweet, but just learned that he didn't have much experience with women.

"I've been too busy working to get to know women," James would say with a sheepish grin when she'd tease him about it. Later on, Sara would understand that she was sounding him out, trying to gauge his feelings for her.

But James was always elusive, never letting on if he had any feelings for her. With her luck, he just thought of him as one of the guys. Late at night when she was alone in her house, Sara would find herself aching for his touch. Deep in her belly she would feel it and it would pound through her like a freight train, relentless, never letting up. She would feel wetness between her thighs and would touch herself until orgasm, screaming his name. When she fell asleep, Sarah would weep, wishing that it had been his touch.

Honestly, she didn't know what was wrong with her. Sarah knew that she was a beautiful woman. By no means skinny, she liked to think of herself as voluptuous, having all the curves in the right places that men loved. Her long hair was jet black and she kept it pulled back mainly at work because of the job, but she liked to think of it as sexy and feminine. By far, her best assets were her eyes and lips. Her eyes were a deep green and tear-drop shaped, a tale of her Mediterranean background which matched her bronzed skin. Her lips were full and pouty. One boyfriend had told her that she had the most kissable lips. Sarah would smile and giggle when she remembered that. Then she would grow quiet and wonder why James never wanted to kiss them.

It's not like she didn't flirt with him. Twelve hours on an ambulance and she was always flirting with him. How could he not take the cue and see what was going on? She'd touch his arm when she didn't have to. She would touch his arm and look into his eyes when she would listen to him talk. She smiled a lot at him, looking into his eyes. How could he not tell?

When they went out, she would always dress to the nines, feminine and sensual, but never slutty. Sarah wanted to grab his attention, but it seemed like all she got was his friendship. James always seemed so indifferent to her. Sometimes when they talked, James would be looking at her, but it was like she wasn't there. He was looking through her, not at her. It was an eerie feeling for the twenty-five year old woman.

Finally, she thought that he was either gay or castrated. But, the feeling never went away. They would be at work and James would look at her and she would have this silly little feeling deep inside the pit of her stomach. He seemed so strong. He was the kind of man that would hold you and never let go, without even laying a hand on you. There was a strength that he had that Sara was drawn to. She couldn't break free.

In many of her fantasies Sarah was on her knees before him, serving him, enslaved by him. They shocked her and only made her desire to be with James even more intense but in a way it also seemed so natural. The strength that he exuded seemed so natural, so unassuming and confident. He didn't try to prove anything to anyone, simply because he didn't have to. It was naturally evident. It only made Sarah want him more.

Soon it became an obsession.

"You wanna go out for a bite to eat after work?" Sarah asked one night in the ambulance, while James was finishing up the paperwork from the last run. He was sitting in the driver seat with the clip board on the steering wheel. He always drove. Some women would find that aggravating but Sarah didn't. It seemed chivalrous, manly.

"Sure," James said without even looking up. After a few moments, he was done with his paperwork and called into the dispatch center to report end of shift.

Tonight is the night, Sarah said as she took a deep breath. The woman fidgeted in the seat like a teenager with a high school crush, she thought blushing, and stifling a giggle. Yes, she thought, tonight is the night.

Back at the station, Sarah hopped in the shower and then took her time getting ready. As she dressed in the simply yet stylish sun dress and sandals her hands were shaking slightly with a combination of fear, excitement, anxiety and anticipation. What if he doesn't want me? What is he laughs at me?

"What the hell am I doing?" she asked with a sigh as she stood back and smiled into the mirror, satisfied with the way that she looked.

Tonight, I will be his, Sarah thought before she walked out of the locker room, not even thinking about the words that she spoke to herself in this modern world that they lived in.

Heads turned when she walked out of the women's room and into the crew lounge and she blushed slightly as she walked over to James who seemed to be waiting impatiently. She sank inside when she didn't even say a word to her about the way that she looked.

"You ready, Sarah?" he asked with a bored tone in his voice as he got up out of his chair.

"Yes. Sure," she said, blushing under her mascara, feeling the wetness between her legs again as she watched his smooth grace and economy of movement as he walked toward the door.

Dinner was a steakhouse in town, where they talked and drank beer while they both unwound from a long day.

"So how come you don't date?" Sarah asked after the server cleared dinner from their table. She leaned forward with her elbows on the table so she could hear and looked up into his eyes.

James took his time to answer. First he sipped his beer. Then he furled his eyebrow in that cute way that he did when he was in thought, pondering his words. Finally he looked up at her with a thoughtful expression.

"I don't know. A lot has to do with my life experiences. I mean, I never really had time for a relationship. I mean, you know about Anna and my marriage, but that was different. We were high school sweet hearts."

He got quiet and sipped his beer quietly. "I guess a part of me never really knew what to do after that. I got so busy with the military that I didn't have time to be lonely. It just didn't even bother me being alone anymore, you know what I mean? It's like I got used to the solitude." He got quiet and looked away. "I got used to the loneliness."

Sarah leaned forward and placed her hand over his gently. His fingers twitched but he didn't move away from her. Silently she smiled to herself. "And now?"

Seeing him laughing delightedly at the wit of the question, Sarah felt suddenly self conscious and tried to move her hand away from his, but she couldn't. This was the first touch she knew of him outside of work and she was savoring it.

"I guess I haven't met anyone that has stood up to my expectation," he said with a grin, looking at her.

Then he turned serious and his eyes locked onto hers but neither one spoke. It was if he was drinking her in. His eyes were exposing her soul to him. Feeling naked, Sarah didn't turn away. She held eye contact confidently, wantonly. Their two souls were speaking unspeakable words to each other in that one moment of time.

Finally, it was James that broke eye contact and stood up suddenly reaching into his pocket to retrieve his money clip. "It's my turn," he said quietly and then faced the door when he waited for her to grab her jacket.

Outside the restaurant near their cars, they stood silently, looking at each other. Neither one of them knowing what to do next. Neither one moved, and neither one spoke.

"Come home with me," Sarah said looking into his eyes.

For a moment time stood still, as she waited, her heart pounding and hands trembling.

"No," James replied simply.

"Come home with me," Sarah said again, this time louder, feeling the tears welling up inside her.

"No," he said again, slowly, shaking his head. He turned away and climbed into his pickup truck and drove off without looking back.

Holding back the tears and with shaking hands, Sarah found her keys and got into her small compact car and turned the key in the ignition. The screaming out, she punched the steering wheel.

Then the tears came.

*************************************

After what seemed like years, Sarah finally dried her last tear and was able to drive. Looking into the mirror to see how blood shot her eyes were, she felt like she was a million miles away. It wasn't the Sarah that she knew. It wasn't anyone that she knew; her eyes were hollow. With a bitter laugh, she re-adjusted the mirror and put her car into drive.

The drive home was tense as she replayed the night over in her mind. She couldn't believe that she had been such a fool. She fell in love with a man who absolutely had no interest in her. But he's perfect! she said to herself. He is absolutely perfect. How could he not be interested in her? She was smart, with a college education. She was beautiful with the looks to turn heads. Sarah couldn't even remember how many dates she had turned down because of him. And he turned her down!

On impulse, she pulled into an all-night liquor store and stomped out five minutes later with a bottle of tequila and a pack of cigarettes and resumed her drive home.

"At least I still got tequila," she said with a bitter laugh as she got out of the car and pulled out her work bag and headed toward her apartment. It was dark outside with only one light in the parking light working. Having lived her for three years with only the single light, she was used to the dark. It was a nice area of the city and she wasn't worried.

Weaving through the cars, her legs felt tired, like she had aged a hundred years in the past hour. Her body was tired. Her soul was weary. All she wanted was to have a few stiff drinks to bury the shame and embarrassment and then to fall into a deep sleep.

"And maybe never wake up," she said tiredly as he finally approached the door.

"James," she said with surprise in her voice, stopping dead in her tracks. Sarah's heart skipped a beat and she was trembling again as she stood there staring at the form that was half-engulfed in the darkness of the shadows.

When he remained silent, Sarah's uneasiness only heightened. She fidgeted a little with her key ring and then made busy like she was searching for the proper key so that she could get into her place.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant as she walked past him on legs that felt like jelly and unlocked the apartment building. Looking down the hall she saw that it was empty. At this time of night everyone was asleep.

"We need to talk," was all James said in a husky voice as he followed her through the door and walked slightly behind her as she led him to her apartment. He waited patiently as she unlocked it.

Sarah felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as he neared her, feeling the heat from his body. She cold sense him, she could feel him. She hoped that her trembling wasn't evident. Sarah had been fool enough tonight.

Trying to ignore him, she turned the light on the living room of the apartment and set her bag down and then walked into the kitchen and set the bottle of tequila on the counter. Leaning against the countertop, she tried to regain her composure. She was shaken. Sarah took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. By the time that the woman stood straight, her shuddering hands were stilled slightly and she was positive that tears that had welled up were dried.

When Sarah walked back into the dimly lit living room, she found James leaning against the door with his hands behind him. His eyes were upon her and she suddenly felt exposed and naked to his eyes. She froze and returned his stare, not speaking. Her heart pounded like a drum. The adrenaline surged through her veins like a rushing torrent.

Never considering herself a submissive woman, Sarah couldn't but feel an ache to be his, to be on her knees and forced to submit to him. With a man as strong as he, she wondered, how could any woman be anything but submissive?

Feeling like she was floating, Sarah walked to within two feet of James and stood, staring at him uncomfortably, fidgeting slightly. This was a whole new world for the modern woman. She was used to having her own way. She was used to having what she wanted. But she could not deny the burning deep inside to be owned by the man standing so strong before her.

The silence was heavy as his gaze locked onto hers and he willed her not to move. His deep grey eyes were haunting her down to her soul. He was drinking her in, Sarah could sense.

Finally, she broke the silence. "Why did you come here tonight?"

James took a moment to answer. He furled his eyebrow and frowned slightly in thought. "To have you," he answered simply.

Taken aback by his answer, Sarah was more startled by the tone of voice and the look in his eye. The voice was that of a hunter, seeking his prey. The look in his eyes was cat-like, the eyes of a predator, stalking and waiting. She felt butterflies in her stomach when she realized that she, herself, was his prey.

"To have me?" she asked with excitement, feigned as shock in her voice.

"Yes."

"You can't have me," she exploded, indignant as the reality set in. "This is the modern world and you can't just take a woman! Who the hell do you think you are? My God, James, this is the twenty-first century! I am a woman and I will not be owned."

She looked at him and felt the anger welling up again.

"What the hell are you laughing at you bastard?" she screamed when she heard his delightedly amused laughter. How dare he laugh at me, she thought. "How dare you laugh at me!"

Not knowing where it came from, with a surge of energy, Sarah raised her balled fists and started to strike at him, trying to punch at his chest and shoulders. More amused than angry James blocked the punches with leopard-like swiftness and before she knew it, her hands were held before her.

Still she struggled with him, trying to kick at him and break free but it was no good. She was held and she could not break free. He tightened his grip and Sarah yelped at the pain of being held. The rage welled up within her and she shook with anger as she tried to free herself. She tried to knee him in the balls and in a flash, she saw the amused look in James' eyes turn from amusement to anger.

She felt genuine fear.

"You little bitch," James growled as he threw her down to the floor. She landed hard and felt a burning in her back from the hard fall. She tried to get up but James kicked her with the side of his foot hard which convinced her stay on the floor. She stared up at him in a rage, eyes on fire, so angry that she didn't know what to say; she didn't know if words would come even if she willed herself to speak.

"Do you think that I'm stupid you little bitch?" James asked as he nudged her angrily with the side of his foot in her gut. "You think I don't notice the way you dress and flirt and touch me, trying to get my attention? You think I'm blind, you little tart?"

"But you never paid any attention to me!" she yelled at him. She felt the tears well up in her eyes as she faced what she had kept locked hidden within her for the past six months. "You never let on that you noticed. Stop laughing at me!" she screamed in rage. "Why didn't you at least fucking let me know that you knew?"

She felt her heart jump into her throat when she felt his quick movements and felt the back of his hand across her cheek. She reached up and held her cheek as it burned from the pain of the slap. He hit me, she thought frightened. He punished me, she corrected herself. When she looked up at him, the look was torn between anger, fear and awe.

"Do not swear at me ever again," he commanded her quietly. The tone in his voice told that he knew that he would not be disobeyed. Still kneeling beside her, James looked at her with patience, the amused look back in his eyes. "It did not please me to do so."

"You bastard!" she yelled at him, enraged that he would treat her so, like she was...an object, a piece of property to be played with for his own amusement. She cringed and tried to flee from the punishment that came but she was held down and there was no where to run.

The woman was stunned, both cheeks burning from the harsh backhanding. She didn't know what upset her more, the fact that she was being held and punished, or the fact that it was he was so strong that holding her down was effortless. Sarah struggled and James only smiled at her with pleasure.

James raised his hand to slap her face again. She cringed and tried to retreat with a frightened look in her eye. "Please! Please! Don't hit me! I promise I'll be good! I promise to do anything you want, just don't hit me again! Please!" She was begging as if her life depended on it. She was terrified and knew that there was no way out. There was no where for her to run.

Her belly tightened into a tight ball of anticipation, when she saw him quirk his eyebrow with a bright click in his eyes. "Really," he said with a grin as he stared down at her. Sarah tried to break eye contact, but she couldn't. The woman was held by his will. He had already enslaved her and she didn't even know it yet. "Anything?"

"Anything," she heard herself exclaiming, just hoping and praying that she wasn't punished again. "I'll do anything for you. Just don't hit me again! I promise you!"

Tossing her effortlessly to the side, James released her hands and stood up quickly. Turning his back to her, he walked to a well-used recliner and sat down and stared at her for a moment. Fearing punishment, Sarah did not move. She had not received permission to move. Silently in her mind she willed herself to obey absolutely to save herself from future punishment; she would be perfect for him.