Barbra

Barbra nodded. "Yes I am," she said. "It did me no end of good."

"Okay," Andrew said. "I'll be off then. Take care, girl -- and if you need an ear I'm willing to lend one!"

She really smiled at him now. "Thank you," she said, and she reached up and kissed his cheek. "Bye!"

"Bye, Barbra!"

He went out and got into his car. She stayed in the door and waved when he drove off. Okay. So what to do now? She thought she'd perhaps better give in a little to John and stop being a spinster. She did like the feeling of his body against hers, so why object to his hands finding her bum?

Then she switched off the CD player, made herself a mug of very strong tea with only very little milk and took it into the garden. She finished it while it was hot, put on a light coat and her boots and locked the door. She decided to go down to the cove. It was always lovely there, and maybe she could have another tea at Molly's.

She took the steep path down. It hadn't rained for some time, and the dry path was quite manageable, and she was down at the seaside quite fast. Then she slowed down, and lazily strolled along the sea to the other end of the cove towards Molly's tea shop.

She really loved this place. It was so beautiful, and the sound of the pebbles rustling when the waves rolled in and withdrew again was like balm to her ears.

There was a couple sitting on a boulder, about half-way the stretch of pebbles. The girl, who was very blonde -- too blonde to be true, Barbra thought -- and wore a short top that left her midriff bare, was sitting in his lap. The man was dark, and he had his arm around her, and Barbra thought he was probably feeling her breasts; she couldn't be sure seeing them from the back. They started kissing and the girl slipped a hand into the back of his trousers while she was approaching. The man moved his arm up a little -- and then she noticed he had a scar just over his elbow. It was shaped like the Nike logo.

John.

She just walked on, and when she had passed them and could see his face, she said sweetly, "Hello John. Showing someone a good time?"

Then she just walked on, without picking up speed, at her regular pace. It wasn't long before she heard fast footsteps come near, and John came up with her.

"Barbra," he said. "It isn't what you think! She is nothing to me!"

"Yeah, right. Grits ain't groceries, and Mona Lisa was a man. Forget it, John. You can consider yourself free this Saturday."

She looked hard at him for a moment and then continued, leaving John stand looking at her walk away.

She heaved a deep sigh. Okay, she thought, that's it. Fortunately she'd cried her heart out already. Otherwise, she thought, she'd have been certain to have bawled and made a spectacle of herself at the discovery. Now, though, it just put things in their place. She'd apparently been right not to trust him, and that really felt as a relief.

Molly greeted her happily, as she always did.

"Hello, Barbra. How's life?"

"Good. Really good," Barbra said. She smiled. "Yes. How are you?"

Molly told her she'd become a grandmother. "And I'm only 49. Too young perhaps. Oh, but they're so happy with her. Jenny is 24, so not too ridiculously young."

Barbra hugged her, and after talking about Molly's daughter and granddaughter for some time she ordered a big cup of peppermint tea and scones. Molly's scones were great, and she felt hungry. The relief at having sorted herself out was immense. She'd have to tell Em, and Joan and Mary, but that was alright. She would.

Molly came and sat down with Barbra and they had a nice talk together that drove John completely from her mind.

That evening she gave the McGraw CD another try. It was decidedly nice, she thought. And when she just thought of Mike, the songs made a lot of sense.

12 - On your own

Barbra highly enjoyed her weekend alone. No John, no qualms of conscience, no need to act cheerful -- it made her feel at peace with herself and the world. Em was somewhere with Beau, and she was free to do just exactly as she pleased. She went to town and visited the Red Cross bookshop where she found an Emmylou Harris sampler she didn't know, and she had coffee at the Mauve Door with a book, sitting blissfully reading in the sun. After the coffee she went shopping for clothes, and she happily spent more than she'd intended -- but so what!

She didn't feel like cooking and she definitely didn't feel like having a meal at the Jolly Woodman, so she booked a table at her favourite Italian restaurant. Then she just walked around a little, window shopping and looking at the shop fronts, and she bought some underthings at a shop that was about to shut -- as this was their final day of business, prices were reduced by 70%. Nice! She'd otherwise never have bought anything like them.

She had pizza with a small glass of Lambrusco, and a cup of coffee, and after dinner she drove home, entirely satisfied with her day. She spent the evening reading and finished her book by half past twelve. Time to go to sleep. She smiled at herself, realising she'd acted as if she'd been freed from something awful, and she realised it was mainly the feeling of guilt towards John for not responding without reservations. Back to normal, Barb, she thought. Great!

She slept like a baby and got up at eight thirty. Mmm... One more day to spend as she liked. She had a slow breakfast, and after a light, early lunch she went out, wearing her boots, traipsing through the beautiful countryside and enjoying herself immensely.

After dinner she called Em.

"Hi, Barb -- I was just about to call you. We are getting engaged! I've moved in with Beau, so I'm near you now! And, you know, we'd like to celebrate, just a very small party, so you are invited to come and have dinner with us at Gilbert's next Friday at seven. Pity Beau's brother can't come, but he lives in Antigua. Oh, and do bring John, okay?"

"Thank you, Em -- I'll be there! But John's off. I've no wish to see him ever again, let alone have dinner with him."

"Oh? What happened?"

"I chanced upon him when he was necking with some blonde young woman on a boulder at the seaside. I don't want a cheat for a friend."

"No. Of course not. Was she under age?"

"Oh, Em -- the police woman! No, I don't think so. She was in her mid-twenties, I guess. Anyway, I don't care. I'm just relieved I found out, so I can pick up my ordinary life again now."

"Yes. Oh, sweetie, I had hoped you'd find some new happiness with him, you know."

"Yes -- I know. But I'm not sad about it. On the contrary. It was just that -- well, you know, everybody was so happy and glad and envious and I felt uncertain about him, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone."

"Yes. I know how that feels. Okay. Well, but you'll come, right? Do take a taxi. We'll pay. Oh, and I went to see Andrew yesterday. You were right, he was just happy for me and very nice. So that's done."

"Good girl! How's Beau?"

"Couldn't be better. He says hello."

"Give him my love, right?"

"I will. Okay then -- see you on Friday!"

Barbra put down the receiver with a broad grin. Whatever the results for herself, something very good had decidedly come of her meeting with John at Mary's birthday party. Em engaged to be married... Who would have thought that six months ago?

She felt happy and well-rested, and a little drowsy, and she made herself some tea and switched on the TV for an hour's mindless entertainment. She watched a show -- she'd have been hard put to explain to anyone what it was about -- and then she yawned and decided to have a nice read. She went to bed with Nora Naish's Sunday Lunch and a glass of Cuarenta y Tres on her bedside table, and propped against the pillow she read until she'd finished her glass and half the book.

She liked the doctor. He somehow had Andrew's face in her imagination, and he seemed practical and a little sad. Mmm. Nice book; rest of it tomorrow, she thought. She visited the bathroom to brush her teeth and went back to bed, and she slept before she knew, smiling still.

The week seemed to fly past. She went shopping on her Wednesday afternoon to find some appropriate present for the happy couple. It wasn't easy to think of something, though. Eventually she came up with a bottle of her favourite liqueur. She knew Em liked it, too, and she expected Beau wouldn't mind -- she'd noticed he had a sweet tooth at Mary's party. She would order Outlasting the Blues by Arlo Guthrie, with the wonderful Wedding Song online that evening. Like in most places, music was impossible to get in town now.

Good. That was one pressing thing taken care of. She wondered briefly if she'd go and have something at the Mauve Door, but decided against it. The weather was really beautiful, too beautiful to stay in town unnecessarily, so she drove home in great spirits.

She happily settled back into her old routine, being an independent single woman. She was quite fed up with romance for the time being and she highly enjoyed herself with music, reading, gardening a little, occasionally. She loved the small flower garden she'd taken over with the house. The previous owners had been enthusiastic gardeners, and although she didn't have green fingers she tried to keep it in shape, and she managed quite well.

It was a lovely little house anyway, she thought. She'd furnished it completely to her liking, and it felt like a welcoming place whenever she came home, as opposed to her house in the Midlands after Mike had met with his death. She felt quite happy she'd not got round to inviting John over to her place -- his face didn't figure in it now. She didn't have any people over much, anyway. Em, of course, or Mary, and Joan and her husband, and the odd visitor. She didn't really have any men friends, just acquaintances and colleagues. At the moment she definitely didn't want any, either.

She spent the afternoon reading in the garden, in the shade of a big parasol. She finished Sunday Lunch at four. It made her sigh. She felt a little homesick for Mike, and a little jealous of Em. But it was a nice novel, and she thought she'd certainly reread it some time.

Life was a little lonely. Still, she was happy she didn't feel inadequate or overly suspicious any more, and life would sort itself out, she hoped. It was decidedly nice, sitting here in the garden listening to the drone of Ben Orrin's bees in the lavender.

Barbra shook her head. She got up and folded the parasol. Then she put it into the garage, locked the garage door and went for a stroll. She took the public footpath to the village, then branched out to Potter's Wood and she returned by a roundabout route to her lane.

The last mile or so she walked together with Annie Bosworth, who lived a little further down the lane. They talked about the weather and the people they both knew, and Annie asked her if she'd heard that Ben had been taken to hospital? It seemed he'd swallowed a few handfuls of pills. Too lonely, he was, and the silence of that house... Yes, he was alright now. But what to do? Didn't they have some responsibility as his neighbours?

"I always thought he was happy the way it was. He seemed so self-sufficient and nice, and I'd have never guessed he was so lonely. I'll go and visit him tonight."

"Mind if I come with you?"

Barbra didn't. She arranged to pick Annie up at six thirty, and they parted their ways when Barbra's house came into view.

After a light dinner Barbra drove to Annie's house. Annie was ready to go, and she came down the garden path before Barbra could get out of the car. She got in, and the women drove off.

They found Ben sitting on the edge of his bed, reading a magazine. His face lit up when he saw his visitors come in. "Annie and Barbra! Hello, girls!"

"Ben," Annie said. "You did give lots of people quite a shock!"

"Yes," he said, looking ashamed. "Yes -- I don't know what came over me... It was the wrong book, I guess. I'm glad someone found me. I didn't mean to scare you." He sighed. "I did try to keep up appearances. When my wife died I thought it was not alright to try and find another. We had a really happy marriage, you see, and I thought such things were a once in a lifetime thing. When she'd been dead ten years or so I met a wonderful woman again..." He grinned with one half of his face. "I shied away, for the wrong reasons, and it came to nothing. You have no idea how lonely I felt after that."

Barbra shook her head. "Poor man," she said. "Didn't you ever talk about it in all those years?"

Ben shook his head. "I didn't -- didn't want to burden others with my troubles."

"You know," Barbra said, "I was feeling very unhappy a short while ago, and I unburdened my heart to a relative stranger who'd come on an errand. And it helped me no end. What's more, he didn't mind at all. If I can be of any help, I'd highly appreciate it if you told me."

"And so would I," Annie said. "I've had my spells of loneliness, too. Ben, we like you too much for this kind of thing!"

Barbra nodded. "We do," she said. "I wish I'd known. You can drop in on me any time, you know -- I do like your company!"

"Honestly? You're not trying to go out of your way to humour a silly old man?

"I'm not, and you're not. Ben, I know a little about suffering, too, and I know one doesn't talk about it. I'm certain that's so wrong. When I did talk it was cathartic."

Ben sighed. "I guess you're right. I'd better. I promise not to be silly again, and to come and talk. You really won't mind?"

"No, we won't," the two women said.

"Okay. Thank you!" Ben said, and then he had to wipe his eyes.

"Poor man," Barbra said, and she stroked his hand.

They left at eight. Ben seemed a lot more cheerful, and he waved at the women as they turned around in the door to look at him.

When they were in the car Annie said, "I just realised I don't know too much about you, either. You aren't too lonely, too, are you?"

Barbra felt cold shivers on her back. She shook herself. "I'm not, I think. I felt very lonely some time ago. Too many deaths in my family. But then I went on holiday to get a grip on myself, and it worked. I do think I don't want to stay alone for the rest of my life, though. Mike wouldn't have thought it was a good thing to do."

"Mike? Are you Mike Laing's widow?"

Barbra nodded.

"Is there anyone you fancy?" Annie said with a smile.

"I just caught my date with a girl, some days ago. No. I wasn't certain about him and with good reason, it seems."

"Okay. Good to find out in time."

"Yes. Oh well, I'll see. I'm not going to throw myself on the first creature in trousers. But I wouldn't mind to find a soul mate again. My sister's going to get engaged. She is really so happy!"

Annie smiled at her. "How lovely," she said. "I can remember how happy I was when I got engaged to Fred. I still am. I cannot really imagine how Ben must feel -- or you, come to that."

"It's not that bad at present. I really told Ben the truth; unburdening my heart was truly good. I do hope I won't be on my own still when I'm Ben's age. But then, better alone any time than with the wrong partner."

"You're right. Oh dear."

Barbra shrugged and grinned. "We'll see," she said. "I'm not old yet." Then she addressed herself to the traffic.

It wasn't too far, and she dropped Annie off before going home.

"Thank you for coming," she said. "I did enjoy your company quite a lot!"

"So did I" Annie said. "Thank you for taking me." She leant over to Barbra and gave her a hug. Then she got out and said, "See you again, soon!"

Barbra smiled. "Good!" she said. Then she drove home.

13 - Dinner Party

That Friday Barbra felt it hard to decide how to dress. Did she have to wear something formal, or better not? She eventually decided on something in between, which proved to be exactly right, to her great relief.

When she arrived at the restaurant Em and Beau were already there. They greeted her enthusiastically. She hugged Beau and kissed Em on the cheeks.

Then Beau introduced her to Mrs Burrowes, his mother, an old, wizened, grey but very vivacious lady who reminded Barbra immediately of her own sweet mother. "So you are Em's sister," she said. "I heard a lot about you. I knew your parents." She was silent for a moment while she thought of those days, long ago. Then she nodded. "You look like your mother. But judging from what Em told me, you must be rather like your father. Your father was a good man. He loved music. So did my husband. They loved to talk about it."

She smiled warmly at Barbra, who took to the old lady immediately. "He taught me a lot about music," she said. "I wish I could have heard them talk together."

The old lady smiled. "You did pay attention, it seems. Em played Tiny Parham for me. I never thought I'd ever hear him again. Do sit down, Barbra!"

Barbra did. She rummaged in her bag and took out the presents.

"Er -- Beau and Emily, I'd like to give you some small presents to celebrate the occasion. Maybe it's best like this." She handed the bottle to Beau and the CD to Emily. "Just a small token of my happiness for you," she added with a smile.

They thanked her and unwrapped the parcels. "Ooh, nice!" Beau said. "Look, Em! Cuarenta y Tres! Sweet and smooth, just what I like!"

So she'd guessed right about that. She smiled at Beau. "I'd thought you would!" she said.

Em unwrapped the CD. She looked at the front and then scanned the titles on the back. "I see," she said, smiling at Barbra. "Wedding Song... Very good! I don't know the music, but knowing you I guess I will like it!"

She handed the CD to Beau, who also looked at the titles.

"I know some Arlo Guthrie," he said. "Alice's Restaurant. We'll play this tonight, shall we?"

Emily nodded. "We will," she said. "But dinner first!"

Mrs Burrowes put out her hand. "Barry, can I see it, too?"

"Yes, Mother," he said, and passed it on to her.

"Barry?" Barbra said.

"Barrington, actually. Beau is much better for everyday use, I think."

"Okay. Barrington Burrowes. It's a nice name, though."

Mrs Burrowes and Beau nodded. "It is," they said in unison. Then they looked at each other and smiled affectionately.

"You do love each other, don't you?"

They nodded. Barbra reflected how different it felt from the way in which John had offhandedly dismissed his entire family. This felt good; she could relate to it. She grinned at them.

The waiter came to their table with the menus and the wine list, which he handed to Beau. He inspected it carefully, and then handed it to his mother. He pointed at something and she nodded.

They were quiet for some time while they studied their menus. When everyone had found something nice, the waiter returned to take their orders. Barbra had onion soup for starters, and a vegetarian wrap with cashews, French cheese, leek and onions, various beans, paprika, oyster mushrooms, olives and piñoles for the main course. She wondered what Beau would have, and he surprised her by having a vegetarian dish as well.

"I do like meat," he explained, "but they do fantastic vegetarian food here -- as you seem to know."

Barbra nodded. "I'm so happy for the two of you," she said, and smiled at Beau. "I was flabbergasted when I saw you at the concert... Your disguise at Mary's birthday party was very convincing -- although you smile belied your appearance a little even then."

"Dressing up did serve its purpose," Beau said, "but I'm happy Em first saw me as I am. I'm really disappointed in John. He is an old friend, and he didn't use to have a steady girlfriend. He behaved really badly. I berated him when Emily told me, but he thinks it ought to be okay -- just fun, nothing more. He actually told me he has several phones, one for each girlfriend of his... And yet he genuinely liked you, you know."