Barbra

15 - Mary

That Sunday afternoon Mary called on Barbra, who was sitting in the garden with a cup of tea and a book.

"Hi, sweetie," Mary said. "How's life?"

"Perfect. Couldn't be better. Did you hear Beau and Em got engaged?"

"Noooo! Really? How sweet! Oh, brilliant! Beau is really fastidious, you know, and we all thought he'd never find anyone he could relate to!"

"I thought the same of Emily. Goes to show you never know!"

"It does. Good! By the way, I just met John the other day, and when I started about you he turned around on his heels and walked off. Did you fall out or something?"

"John's finished as far as I'm concerned."

"Oh -- what a pity. We thought you made such a nice couple!"

"I never felt too comfortable with him somehow. And I found him with another girl."

"No! So you told him to drop dead then and there?"

"Something to that effect, yes. Actually, I feel a lot better now that I'm sure."

"Okay! Pity. Well, you know, I thought as much, and I've been looking around a little, and there is this very nice guy --"

"Nothing doing, Mary. I'm not going to do anything about him, whoever he may be."

"But he's really nice, Bee."

"Nothing you can say or do to change my mind."

"Have you gone off men altogether?"

"No I haven't. But I had better not trick myself into the wrong liaison again, you know. I don't want to feel guilty about mistrusting someone I didn't want 100% in the first place."

"So -- no one on the horizon, right?"

Well, Barbra thought, perhaps there was. Hopefully, actually. But she wasn't going to tell anyone before she was damn sure. Once was enough. And if Andrew was the sort of person she thought he was, he wouldn't mind her taking her time.

"No one," she said. "So -- Coffee? Beer?"

"Mmm... Coffee, please, with a dash of something stronger?"

"Right-oh!"

The women walked into the kitchen and returned with their drinks to the garden.

Barbra held her mug in her hands, enjoying the heat, and wondering how to begin, and then she said, "You know, I'm wondering sometimes whether I should not be on the lookout for a partner for you. Are you never afraid of the silence of a lonely room at times?"

Mary put down her mug, and looked at her, and smiled a little wryly. "I am," she said. "The men in my life are never the stable kind. I spend most of my time in town, in clubs, trying to fight off loneliness. Fortunately there's you gals. But I never talk about it. And no one ever talks about it to me..." She took a sip of her coffee. "I just clown around. Not waving but drowning sometimes, you know."

Then she shrugged. "I'm still young enough but the right men are all married. Once I had a friend I thought was serious about me, but when I started to talk about children he upped and fled. And most men now seem to be after my body but not after me."

She pulled a face and shook her head. "I don't know. I'll have to stop looking for one."

"Don't you think that your clowning may give off the wrong message? Maybe they just can't see through your disguise to the sweet girl underneath?"

Mary sat down and rested her chin in her hands. After some time she said, "Do you think so?"

"I do, rather."

"I could try and show a little more of myself. But I don't want to get hurt."

"No. But, you know, you really may have to open yourself up a little."

Mary nodded. "I guess you're right," she said. "But with you girls?"

"I love you any way you are. Honest Injun!"

Mary smiled at her. "Thank you," she said. "You're a real friend! What made you ask, by the way?"

Barbra told her. Mary got rather quiet; then she made a face.

"It's one of the things I fear. Do you think if I cut out the clowning..."

"You'd attract a different kind of man? I do think so, yes. I'm almost certain, actually. Why don't you give it a try?"

"I'd better, I guess. It'll be some change."

Barbra smiled at her friend. "I'm glad you didn't take it amiss," she said. "I'd been thinking about talking to you about it for some time."

Mary gave her a half smile. "I'm glad you did. Maybe it's just that kick in the behind that I needed. I don't want to end up like your Ben." Then she sat back in her chair and smiled. "I really love this weather. I'll go swimming with Joan this evening. Care to come?"

"No, thank you. It is a phobia of mine."

"Swimming? Really? What a pity!"

"I know. Oh well, nothing I can do about it. I just don't dare."

She inwardly shook her head at herself -- forty-one and afraid of water! Maybe she should take Andrew up on his offer?

"I'll just stay here, with a book in the garden," she said. "I do like my shower, but swimming..."

"Okay, okay. So where were you on Friday afternoon? I tried to pop around but you weren't in."

"Visiting a friend."

"Okay. Annie?"

Barbra shook her head. "Andrew."

Mary looked at Barbra with raised eyebrows. "Andrew? You never mentioned him before, I think?"

"No. He likes music -- the kind of music I like, too."

"Oh. Nice guy?"

"Yes. Rather. White." Thinking about him made her feel happy. She smiled at the thought.

Mary looked at her hard. Then she shook her head and frowned. "Okay. You and your music..."

"You like it too, don't you?"

"But not as a way of life." She added, with a big grin, "It isn't healthy, really. Wouldn't wonder if it causes the brain to go soft."

"I suppose so -- but I prefer it to loads of other things."

"Fair enough!"

The women smiled at each other. Then Mary got up.

"I'll be going, baby -- have to collect my swimming things, and we'll have a bite at Joan's."

"Right-oh!"

They hugged and Barbra accompanied Mary to the door. "Say hello to Joan!"

"Will do. Bye!"

Barbra went back into the house. She wondered. It would have been nice to go swimming with her friends -- if only she weren't so afraid. Cooling off in the water... It sounded pleasant. Most people obviously thought it was. But having Andrew help her? She didn't know. And besides, she'd never ask him to, and she doubted if he'd invite her to. It had probably just been conversational. She picked up her book and settled down on a bench in the garden. It would have to be dinner at the Jolly Woodman, she thought.

She read until six, and then toddled over to the pub. There wasn't anyone she knew, so she sat down alone and had dinner reading. The food was nice, and she went home satisfied. She spent the rest of the evening reading until the light failed her and she went indoors. Time to go to bed. She checked her phone for messages before she went upstairs. There was just the one, from Andrew, saying he'd listened to the music he didn't know. He'd enjoyed them all, he said, and he thanked her for them again. Good! She texted back she was glad he liked them and then turned in, with a smile on her face.

16 - Heat Wave

The weather grew hot, and that week day temperatures rose to the lower thirties. The nights were muggy and most people tried to stay indoors and find a cool place. Barbra's office was air-conditioned, but her cottage wasn't, and her bedroom was very hot indeed. She greatly preferred cool nights -- cold, yes please, but not hot -- and she found it hard to sleep. She wished Mike were there, so she could talk about it, and vent her frustration with the heat. The feeling of self-sufficiency that had come over her when she'd found John out had diminished of late, and she started to miss company again. She could always call Joan or Mary -- but somehow it wasn't the same, and sleeping too little, because of the heat, made her irritable. She didn't feel like biting someone's head off, and so she kept herself to herself. But it didn't feel too good.

On Wednesday evening Mary and Joan had texted her if she didn't want to come swimming, as it was so hot, but she'd declined. It wouldn't be at all nice to sit on the edge of the lake and watch the others have fun. Maybe she ought to try, alone, in a safe environment whether she'd dare to get her legs wet? Maybe not, she decided. It would be no go; she'd tried often enough.

She sighed. She felt restless, and though she tried reading didn't seem to be as nice as usual -- it took an effort to concentrate. Blast. She gave up trying to read and sat down at the kitchen table with her iPad to play FreeCell. Mindless entertainment seemed to be just manageable.

Then her phone buzzed. She picked it up to find a new message from Andrew. It read, "I'll be going to the pool this Friday if the weather stays like this. Would you like to come and try to overcome your fear of water? You do have a swimming-suit?"

She heard some lines of poetry in her mind --

And indeed there will be time

to wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"

Time to turn back and descend the stair --

but she told herself to be her age.

She texted back, "Yes please. Shall I come to your place first?"

"Okay. Two o'clock?"

She sent a smiley.

"Good. See you then!"

She wondered what to say next, but apparently Andrew must have gone offline. He probably only used his phone when really necessary. Then she felt herself go hot. Would she really be alright with this? She'd hate to make a spectacle of herself, and certainly not with Andrew as a spectator. But she was damned if she ate her words.

The weather did stay hot, and that Friday morning seemed to be especially sticky. Everybody in the office was huffing and puffing and snapping at each other, and she was really glad when she could leave. It would be nice to see Andrew again, but the swimming bit... Oh well, she would see. It would be nice to find some coolness.

She drove to Andrew's house, and parked in the drive. He must have seen her come, for he emerged from the house with a bag and locked the door.

He greeted her with a smile. "Are you sure you want to try?" he said.

"Yes, please. I think that at forty-one I ought to overcome my fear of water -- I hope I will."

"I'll do my best! We can go in my car if you don't mind?"

She got her bag from the boot of her car and got into Andrew's. He got in, too, started the engine and drove to the local swimming pool.

"I'm a member, you know, so I can bring you. It's usually not busy and they've got an indoor bath that's used for lessons and such. I'd like to go there with you. No waves and hardly any other people; they will all be outside in this weather."

"Okay." She inwardly grimaced at the idea of entrusting herself to the water, but she was determined to put a brave face on it.

He pulled up at the place and they got out. They walked together to the building and Andrew was greeted by the lady in charge. "Brought a guest?" she said.

"Yes," Andrew said.

"Alright. Have fun!"

"Thank you, Eleanor," he said. Then he led Barbra to the ladies' dressing room.

"I'll be waiting for you here. Please bring your stuff so we can put it into a locker."

She nodded. She went in and took off her clothes. She hoped her bathing suit would still fit -- she'd used it for sunbathing in Spain a few years ago -- and it did. Okay. She looked at herself in the mirror over a washbasin, and decided she looked good in it. That was something, at least. Now for the ordeal...

Andrew stood waiting for her in a pair of reddish swimming trunks. He was obviously not a fitness enthusiast like John, but he looked good, and fit enough. He grinned at her and said, "This way, please."

He led her to the indoor basins. They were deserted but for one elderly lady who was swimming in the deep one, up and down and up and down, obviously trying to stay into shape.

"We'll get into the shallow one today," Andrew said. "The deep one may follow at a later date -- who knows?"

Barbra looked at the swimming pool with deep misgivings. "I, er... Do you really think I'll be alright?"

"I'm not going to rush you, you know. I want you to indicate exactly when things are out of your comfort zone, okay?"

She nodded, a bit hesitantly. "Okay."

"You'd better watch me first, so you can see there is nothing to fear here, right?"

"Okay."

Andrew went to the edge of the pool and sat down on it. Then he walked into the water. It was really very shallow -- it didn't even reach up to his knees.

"Do you think you'd dare walk into the water and walk my way at this depth?"

"Of course," Barbra said. But it felt like a big achievement to her when she actually did. The water was not too cold. It was just right but it was water after all. Mmmm...

"I'll show you how the pool gets deeper."

Andrew walked to the deep end. Eventually he stood in the water nearly up to his shoulders. "It doesn't get any deeper than this," he said. "So you could walk straight to this end and still be safe." He grinned. "I suppose you'd rather not."

He returned to a few feet from where Barbra was standing. "I'd like to show you something first," he said. "You know that the buoyancy of the water will lift you up and keep you afloat -- if you trust it will and do it right and not undo it by struggling. I'll go halfway and float a bit, just to show you, right?"

She nodded. "Okay," she said.

Andrew showed her. When he did it, it looked very easy, she thought. But doing it herself was quite a different matter. She stood in the water up to her knees, stock still and obviously very ill at ease.

Andrew came back to her. "I can see you're not too happy about it, but I will not force you to do anything you don't want. I promise! I just hope I can get you to enjoy things a little, eventually."

He smiled at her. It felt reassuring.

"Do you think you could sit down? I'll show you how deep you'd be in the water."

He sat down himself. The water came halfway his chest; it did not look very threatening at all.

"I think so," she said a little dubiously. "Do you want me to try?"

Andrew got up and nodded. "Let me give you a hand so you won't fall over, right?"

She put her hand in his and sat down slowly. The water closed around her but it only came up to her breasts.

"Okay?"

"Yes," she said. "I can manage this."

"Good."

He sat down a few feet away from her. "Do you think you could splash water at me now? I won't do that to you; I just want you to make me very wet -- my hair is still dry. Please help me get it wet if you can!"

"Of course I can."

She sat up and went carefully down on her knees. Then she splashed water over him as hard as she could.

"See?"

"Excellent! You almost drowned me!" He winked at her, and grinned. "This is what children like to do. Jennie loved it -- she couldn't stop giggling."

"Okay. I can imagine!"

"Right. So -- next bit. I want you to try -- I don't know. I'll try and explain. Look. I can go under water without water entering my nose." He went under and stayed there for a moment. When he'd come up again he continued, "What I do, is lock my breath in, so that I more or less close off the entrance for the water. Try it like this: breathe in deeply, and then breathe out but disallow yourself to emit your breath. Do you see what I mean?"

Barbra tried. She shook her head.

"Er -- it's like trying to push the air up against your palate."

"Okay. I'll try again." She took a deep breath and followed the instructions. It worked. The air got stuck, and she felt her cheeks go hot.

"Okay -- hey, breathe out again, please."

She did. "That's better," she said.

"Yes. Don't overdo it! But did you notice that the air stays inside?"

Barbra nodded.

"Well, there can't be any water when there's oxygen, right?"

"Er, no. No, of course not."

"Just try again a couple of times. Once you know how it works you'll see it's very easy."

Barbra did. It was indeed easy, she decided. She nodded, and said, "Okay. I understand -- it's really simple, actually."

"Right. Do you think you could come a little farther into the pool so that the water will reach your shoulders when you sit down in it?"

"I think so. I'll try."

It felt less daunting now -- especially with Andrew holding her hand -- and she understood why he had showed her how to lock in her breath.

She sat down where he asked her to stop.

"Okay. Now... Do you think you could lock in your breath and dip your face into the water for just a split second?"

Barbra felt her pulse quicken, but she gave it a try. She came up almost at once, but her whole face was wet, and the water hadn't got into her nose.

Andrew applauded and beamed at her. "That was well done!" he said.

Barbra grinned. "I never thought I'd dare," she said.

"Good girl! Try again, please."

Barbra did. It felt increasingly easy, and she kept her head down longer.

Andrew watched her all the time, making the occasional encouraging noises. Then he said, "Excellent! do you think you could do the same further on down where you're up to your shoulders in the water?"

"Mmmm... Okay. I'll try."

"There you just bend your knees and keep your head upright, okay?"

"Yes."

Andrew stood close by and put out his hand. She took it, and together they slowly walked down the sloping pool floor, and when she'd reached the place where she was in up to her shoulders she let go of his hand.

She eyed Andrew a bit dubiously for a moment. He gave her a reassuring nod. "You can do it," he said. "I'm dead sure!"

Barbra thought about it for a moment. Then she took the plunge. She breathed in deeply and bent her knees until her entire head was under water. She immediately re-emerged, shaking the water from her hair.

"I did it!" she said, with a big grin. "I did it!"

She looked at Andrew, and got an admiring look in return. She bent her knees again, and stayed down considerably longer. When she came up she exhaled quickly and sucked in the air as deeply as she could. The admiring look was still there! Great!

"This is much easier than I thought," she said. "Let me try it again!"

She did, and she look a few steps while she was at it. "Okay," she said. "I think I can do this, now."

"Good! Now I'd like you to try and lie on your back. I'll hold you up with a hand between your shoulders and at the small of your back. Right?"

"Erm... Well, yes, but er... How do I get into that position?"

"You just lie down without using your arms or shoulders. It's like lifting your legs. I'll put a hand between your shoulders now."

He did, and Barbra decided that he wouldn't let her drown and that she would try. It was much easier than she thought; the water lifted her up, and Andrew helped a little by giving her the final little push with his left hand. She tried not let the brief sense of panic overcome her, and when she felt his hands under her she knew she was safe.

She briefly thought of John and how he would have managed. Not too well, she thought. Too impatient. Andrew's hands were strong and firm, and she lay down in the water and closed her eyes, actually enjoying it, lying long in the water and feeling his hands on the bare skin of her shoulders and through her suit in the hollow of her back. They felt nice.

He held her up for about five minutes. "Do you think I could try and make you float on your own? I'll be only an inch below you to ensure you won't sink."

She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. He looked at her earnestly. "Okay?"

The idea gave her the shivers a little, but less so than she'd expected. She knew he wouldn't let her drown. "Yes," she said. "Let's try."

Andrew lowered his hands. Barbra let her bottom drop a little, and yes, he was close enough to feel safe so she tried to float on her own. Her legs sank down a little, but her head and shoulders stayed afloat.

"Good! Keep it up!"

She looked at the ceiling and wondered how pleasant the water felt, and how glad she was to have Andrew for an instructor.

"You're doing really great! Do you find it all very awful?"