All Comments on 'Bathhouse Mid-Afternoon Fun'

by glory_first

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  • 2 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

Love the story

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Passive voice takes away the action

Could have been a lot better if you had used the active voice. It would make the action more intense and immediate. Also, too much descriptive language about the bathhouse, most of which was not necessary to the story. A little dialogue would have helped- people having sex, even anonymously, talk to each other in more than grunts and moans.

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