by crzyfemme18
This was a very good story. Good descriptive words. love the bar bathroom setting. Can's wait to read the rest!
You are very thorough in descriptions and, as others have said, do a decent job of creating atmosphere. The story lacked in other elements -- namely vibrancy. And that often comes with some sort of dialogue to give it life.
It just didn't have that.
You set up an interesting scenario without a lot of words, leading up to an amazingly hot sex scene. Wonderful!
This was a great story... simple, yet rich.
There was also the pinch of imminent danger looming in that darkened room... adding real excitement to an already highly charged scenario.
Kudos!
This is a great first story, especially vivid. Well done!