Battle-Hardened, War Weary Ch. 04

"No, Ryan, no!" she sobbed. "Just let me get my bearings together and I will finish—

"Kay-Ray, come here," Ryan said to her softly.

"No, I—

Ryan grabbed a hold of her left arm and then he pulled her with all of his strength. She crashed into his hard and broad frame. His arms wrapped themselves around her curvy body. She tried to remove herself from his embrace.

"Ryan—

"Kay-Ray, stop it! Stop struggling against me. Think about the baby," he said to her.

Kali stopped fighting him, at the mention of her daughter's well-being. The emotional dam that she had erected crumbled. With a trembling body, she started to cry. "I can't," she cried out. "I can't be around..." Her voice trailed off and a sob left her mouth. "I can't be around you. I can't have my daughter... She can't be around you. You're..." She cried harshly into his chest.

Ryan continued to hold onto Kali. He felt her body tremble in his embrace. His ears listened to her cry. He knew that he was responsible for her pain and grief. He remembered the tale that Officer Yellow had told him, the story about Kali's childhood abuse. He remembered believing that he would've killed those guys who hurt her, if he had the chance. Then, he acknowledged that he also caused her pain. He wasn't any different from that Jackson guy or from that other guy. Then, he realized that he was like his grandfather. He was cruel, just like his grandfather. He was manipulative and vindictive, just like his grandfather. He was self-serving, like his grandfather. He was abusive, just like his grandfather. Whenever he doubts himself, the voice in his head is of his grandfather's voice. Whenever he admonishes himself for displaying emotion, it's his grandfather's voice that is speaking inside of his mind. The voice is appropriate after all, he is the person who have told Ryan those putrid bits of wisdom.

His body had run cold, despite being in a toasty house. A strong sense of nausea polluted his guts while his body shook. His eyes stung with tears and there was a lump in his throat. 'Just let it go,' he heard in his head. 'Just let it go...' Suddenly, the voice in his mind sounded like his grandfather's voice. 'You better not cry as if you are a little girl! Don't be weak, Ryan!' Ryan let out a painful groan. His grip tightened around her shoulders.

'Just let it go,' he heard himself say.

"Ryan, let it go."

He could have sworn that he heard the words. When he felt fingertips touching at his face, he knew that the statement was spoken. He gaped at Kali, who was stared up at him. Her violet eyes were slightly red and glossy. Her face was flushed. She was no longer crying.

"Ryan, let me go," she whispered.

He believed that she meant figuratively and literally.

Once Kali calmed down, she realized that she was willingly in an embrace with Ryan, the factor that was the cause of her grief. She was pressed against his harder form. Her nipples hardened at the contact while her flesh shiver from excitement at the feel on his colder body. Her hands traveled from his stomach to his back where she clutched onto his shoulder blades. She pressed the left side of her face against his chest to complete the act of his embrace. His cock nestled itself in between her thighs and pressed itself against her slit.

She asked Ryan to let her go, but he didn't comply with her request. She repeated her request, but she was ignored. Kali glanced up at his face and was startled at the sight. Ryan was staring straight ahead. His face had taken on a deep shade of red. His brow was crumpled while his green eyes were narrowed. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears. His nostrils were flaring while gusts of air blew through his nose. He appeared to be under distress.

She grew alarmed. He appeared to be on the verge of hyperventilating. She admitted to herself that she was also feeling concerned and afraid for him. She touched his face to gain his attention. His attention was focused on her.

"Ryan, let me go," she asked of him. She captured his face in her hands. "Ryan, baby, just me let go." A few tears rolled down his cheeks. She bore a knot in her throat and her chest ached, in response. She wiped away his tears with her thumbs. "Go on, just let me go." She watched his face crumble as he started to cry. She gasped in marvel at the sight. She felt the grip in his arms loosen and then his arms eventually removing themselves from off of her body.

Kali needed to get away from him. She didn't want to see his tears. She doesn't want to feel pity for him. She doesn't want to think of Ryan as a flawed, human being. She didn't know whether if Ryan was remorseful or not. He has been a bastard for so long that she didn't know if he was pretending or not. She also admitted to herself that she didn't want to believe that he was remorseful. At least, when he did decide to show his true colors, she wouldn't be disappointed and devastated.

She quickly removed herself from the bed and out of the bedroom. She left Ryan in her bedroom silently crying as he stood by the bed. When she was a few feet into the hallway, she heard a gut-wrenching sob leave her bedroom. It caused the ache in her chest to pulse. She staggered and let out a gasp.

'No, I cannot, Ryan! I cannot...' she thought. She quickly made her way into the bathroom. She slammed the door shut.

When she exited the bathroom, fifteen minutes later, she was welcomed with silence. She stood by the bathroom's entrance and listened out for any noises. She was still met with silence. 'He must've left,' her mind suggested. She walked down the hallway and traveled to her bedroom. She paused at the threshold, when she saw the large and simpering lump on her carpeted floor. He was still naked. He was kneeled on the floor. His hands clenched the rug. His head sagged and made his thick, red mane turn into a veil. He was still bawling.

"Ryan," she sighed. She was tired of having to deal with him. Plus, she was still starving.

She watched his head lift. His green eyes searched for her face. His face was still flushed and contorted with grief. His face was saturated with tears and mucus.

"Kay," he said softly. His voice was hoarse. "Kay, please..."

She stepped up to where he kneeled and stood in front of him. He grabbed on her legs. He gazed up at her eyes. He let out a sob. "I'm a fuck-up! I know I am! I'm a monster! I'm a... I'm no different than my grand... I'm sorry, Kay! I'm sorry, Kay!"

A shiver rolled down her back. She rolled her shoulders and let out a gust of breath. A lump slowly built in the back of her throat. She knew that they were the signs that she started to feel pity for him. "Ryan, you have to get dress," she said to him, which earned her the opportunity to listen to Ryan's sobs.

"Kay, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" he sobbed loudly. He held onto her thick thighs. He pressed his face into her flesh. He proceeded to cry into her legs. She gently kicked him off of her legs. He had gone back to his hands and knees.

Kali walked over to her dresser and she fetched a large shirt from out of a drawer. She slipped the shirt on, covering her nudity.

'Do not feel sorry for him, Kay. Please, do not feel sorry for him.'

"Kay, please believe me!" she heard Ryan sobbed, from where he sat.

'He is bluffing,' her conscience warned her. 'He is lying.'

Kali walked over to where he was kneeling. She stood in front of him. Just because of one glance at him, she experienced a sudden burst of anger. "Ryan, I don't believe you at all!" she growled at him, suddenly. "You've been a bastard to me for the past nine months and now you're remorseful? I don't believe you, Ryan! If you were sorry, you would've destroyed that tape a long time ago!"

"I know that I am! I am a..." He balled his hands into fists and then pounded his fists into his head violently. Seeing him abuse himself frightened her to the point that she was no longer angry at him.

"Ryan..." she shouted, while she was frightened from viewing her daughter's father punch himself. She grabbed his left hand, but he snatched his appendage out of her grasp. She viewed the kneeling man and she was beginning to feel like he was having an emotional collapse.

"No, I'm a monster! I am like him! I am—

"No, you're—

"Yes, I am!" he screamed. He proceeded to pound at his skull and tries to rip his hair out of his scalp. "I'm just like him!"

"No—

"Yes, I am—

"NO, YOU'RE NOT, RYAN! YOU'RE..." She stopped to catch her breath. A strong and uncomfortable movement occurred in her stomach. It caused her to stagger backwards, gasp in astonishment and clutched on her stomach.

Ryan noticed her sudden change in behavior. He saw that he was holding onto her stomach. Seeing her in physical pain caused him to forget about his current situation. "Baby," he whimpered. He settled onto his feet and he made his way over to where she stood. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm all right, Rye" she groaned. "She's moving and sometimes she will move in a way where it hurts—

"Do you want to go to the hospital?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"No, it is normal for that to happen. It doesn't hurt badly. It is like having a gas bubble actually. She doesn't stay in the same spot for a long time," she informed him.

He stared at the swell in her stomach. Then, his pale green eyes stared at her eyes. "Did she move to a better spot yet?"

His child-like inquiry had made Kali smile and then laughed. She grabbed onto his hand and places the object on her rounded stomach. She allowed him to feel the baby's movement.

He gazed at her stomach. He couldn't see her stomach twitch, but he felt it move under his hand. His mind had gone blank, as a side effect for experiencing this amazing thing. "She..." His eyes veered at the mother of his child. "Is that..." He stared at his hand. "Is that the baby?" he said softly.

Kali smiled warmly. She thought that she must've looked the same way, when she first felt her daughter's movement. "Yes, it is her. It's Athena," she informed him. The room had become quiet while Ryan continued to feel Kali's stomach ripple. Kali kept her hand pressed against his larger one.

"Athena is that going to be her name?" he asked, with a smile. "Athena was the name of my grandma's sister."

"I know which is why I am naming her 'Athena'. Your grand-aunt was a very awesome lady, from what I remember. I thought she was a smart and classy woman. And I always like her name. I would've liked to name her after your grandmother, but I don't like the name 'Andromeda'. It's too science-fiction, in my opinion," she said to him with a smile. There was a huge amount of silence between them. "You're not like your granddad, Ryan."

"I am. I am just like him. I treat you like he treated me, except I know that he hates me," informed Ryan. "And I am a monster because I love you and I still treated you like shit."

Hearing Ryan proclaim that he loved her was a surprise for Kali. She believed that if Ryan had to admit his feelings for her, she expected for him to admit his lust for her, if anything. She walked past Ryan and trekked over to her bed. She sat on the edge of the mattress. She placed her hands on her stomach and stared ahead for a moment. She contemplated. Once she was finished, she stared at Ryan. He remained standing in the same spot.

"I want our baby to have the best. I don't mean material things either. I want for her to have an awesome childhood that involves a lot of happy moments. I know that I cannot do this parenting thing alone. And I don't want to do this 'parent thing' by myself. But, if I have a feeling that she is being harmed, I will do this myself. Do you understand what I've just said?" She stared Ryan.

"Are you...? Do you want me to be a part of her life?" he asked, while strolling to the location of where she sat. He felt Kali grab his hands and place them on her stomach. She stared at his face.

"Yes Ryan, I—

She didn't get a chance to finish speaking to him. His full lips embraced hers. She moaned in surprise. Her noise was muffled. He continued to supply her mouth with his lips. His kisses were passionate. She felt her nether regions burn with arousal. Her hands gripped his arms. She gave his arms a gentle squeeze before she parted ways with him. She needed to stop. His lips felt so good against hers.

She panted, "If you want to be a part of Athena's life, you're going to have to get help, Rye. And I mean that you're going to have to go to therapy. I want you to take the shit seriously. It's bad enough that our baby is going to have two emotionally-wounded people as her parents. We need to get better or at least try to get better. Do you understand me?"

Ryan stared down at the mother of his child with his stoicism on his face. He didn't look to be moved, but he was ecstatic. He was happy that he was going to be a father. He was going to have a child with a person that he has loved for a very long time.

"Yes, I am going to get help, Kali..." His hands cradled her face. "I know that you don't believe me when I said that I love you, but I do. I just... I am an asshole. I am sorry that I've treated you like shit. I am angry. But, I am not angry at you. You... You just happen to be the one—

"And that is why you need to speak with a therapist, Rye. He, or she, can help sort out your feelings and you can talk to them as well. I am going to be honest with you by telling you that you ain't going to say shit to him, or her, for your first few sessions. You're going to be scared..."

'I won't—

Kali gave him a smile as if she knew what his brain was about to say. She nodded her head. "Yes, you're going to be scared and nervous and you're going to not trust your therapist, so you're not going to say much. You're going to spend the first few weeks. Or even the first few months, going to your sessions and not saying a word. You're going to bullshit around. Then, you're going to think that you're wasting your time, you're wasting his time and you're spending your money on bullshit. But, you're going to have to stick it out, Rye."

"You seem to have this therapy shit figured out," was his remark.

"I've been visiting psychiatrists' offices long before I figured out that the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus don't exist. When I first started attending sessions, I hated them. I hated speaking about the bad shit that happened to me. I thought the doctors didn't like me because they wanted to talk about the bad stuff all of the got-damned time. But, as I've gotten older, I realized that they were helping me purged all of the bad stuff out of me. The stuff that I couldn't talk about, I have compartmentalize it inside of my mind..." She stared at him. Ryan noticed the luster in her eyes returned.

Then his hands drifted from her face. He bent down a little to give her forehead a kiss. He heard her gasp in response. He stood up straight. He stared down at the soon-to-be mother of his child. His fingers provided a seductive massage against her scalp. She moaned. His fingers traveled to her neck and her shoulders. He massaged those areas as well. He watched her eyelids shake and then closed over eyes, after a while. A dark moan crept out of her mouth. The sound made his cock turn hard. Her head dipped forward and his fingers traveled to the back of her neck. His fingers kneaded the flesh and applied pressure into the muscle and bone. He heard a moan. Then, he felt her hands clasp onto his thighs. She gave the muscles a gentle squeeze before her hands drifted further up his legs. The fine, short hair that decorated his thighs stood up while his flesh puckered at the sensation of the caresses. His cock throbbed in pleasure from feeling such a sensation. His mouth formed a shaky gasp as well. Then he felt her fingertips tapped against the base of his cock.

'She—

Ryan didn't finish his thought because his mind had gone blank, once he felt her mouth suck on the covered glans of his cock. A guttural groan left the base of his throat as pleasure vibrated in his cock. He felt her hot and wet mouth suck more of his cock into her cavern. Her tongue rubbed along the submerged shaft and uncut glans while her fingers stroked the rest of prick. He groaned out his desire while his hips jerked. She formed a rhythm of sucking and stroking on his cock. Ryan continued to moan as his hips thrust his member deeper into her mouth. He felt the fingers from her other hand softly tugged on his heavy sacs and her fingernails lightly scratched at the skin. Her mouth and her hands felt wonderful. He soon felt compression gather up in his nuts. As glorious as her mouth felt on his dick, he had to stop.

"Kay-Ray, stop" he grunted.

"Mmm," she groaned into his member, which provided more stimulation.

Ryan hissed. His climax was near. "Kay, stop please," he moaned.

Kali removed her hands from his inflamed sex and her mouth followed suit. She let out a pant as her head rose up. She stared at his face. He was just as flustered with arousal as she. She saw the look of regret and longing on his face.

"Why did you want me to stop then?" she asked him.

A sheepish grin grew on his lips. "I don't want to cum inside of your mouth," was his mouth. She threw Ryan a look of confusion. After sighing, he had gone on to explain his reasoning. "I know that whatever you eat..." He let out another sigh. "Or swallow, the baby will eat it or—

She understood now. "Oh, now I know why you wanted me to stop..." She let out a chuckle. She scooted herself further up the mattress. Once she moved from the spot, she saw evidence of her arousal saturating the navy blue comforter that was covering the mattress. Her eyes drifted over to Ryan, who was busy staring at the same spot. His hand was supplying lazy strokes to his hardness. Her pussy throbbed harder at the scene. She removed her night shirt and tossed it onto the floor. She leaned backwards and rested her elbows and forearms on the soft mattress. She spread her legs wide to display her shaven cunt to him. "Well, I am going to warn you right now: if you stop fucking me because you think that you're hitting the baby on its head, I am going to kill you."

Kali watched Ryan's eyes widen briefly as he took in her lounging form. Then, she watched his face become serious. He climbed upon the bed and soon covered her body with his own while being mindful of her condition. She felt his lips start a journey at the base of her neck. His kisses were soft, sweet and wet, which was the way that she loved them. Her hands clutched at his hair and encouraged him to continue. His lips and mouth adorn her tits with kisses, licks, bites and suction. His large and strong hands squeezed and pinched. Her already sensitive mounds of flesh loved the attention.

"Oh, I'm—

She unleashed a series of moans into the air as her body shook with orgasmic tremors. "Oh God, oh...Mmm, fuck baby, keep going! Mmm... fuck," she moaned loudly. She felt his mouth continue to suck and lick on her breasts as she rode out her entire orgasm.

'Fuck, I've never thought that a woman could cum off of that shit,' his mind marveled. He lied on the mattress and stared at her. Ryan watched her face as she slightly tremble against the bed. Her eyes were closed tight and her mouth was opened. With a loud 'whew' rushing out of her mouth, her body settled down with little tremors still attacking her womb.

"Wow," she moaned. Her head turned slightly while she gazed at him. A small smile formed on her lips. Her fingers grasped onto a lock of his hair. She gave it a gentle tug. She saw Ryan grasp onto her fingers. He brought the digits to his lips and gave her a kiss. "Can you fuck me now please?"

Her smile broadened and Ryan thought that his heart would've stopped. His heart pounded against his chest as adrenaline and joy rushed through his veins. He placed his hand amongst her cheek and then applied a passion-filled kiss to her lips. "With pleasure," he whispered against her lips. He returned to his starting position. Her legs wrapped themselves around his upper legs. His right hand grabbed the base of his cock and lined it up with her damp slit. His thick cock made a few suggestive strokes against her gash, lathering his member with her nectar.