All Comments on 'Beats Getting Caught'

My only complaint is that it ended! More please

Excellent HOT story

Your story is really excellent for a first submission on Literotica. Your descriptions of the orgasmic feelings are second to none. Please keep writing. An editor would help with the very few errors that did little to interfere with the storytelling.....with that small criticism, perfection awaits your next effort!!! Thanks for sharing you, your thoughts, but most of all your fantasies.

Keep on writing!

what s great story! you took your time with the pace and explored the many different layers of exposure and control between them. loved it!

would love a continuation!

I love this story. More, please (with anal!). 5-stars!!!

But there were some real technical problems. First, the changes in POV are a major distraction for me. I don't care for this technique when it is done in 3rd person, and doing it in 1st person compounds the problem. Also, Tessa is supposed to be so drunk that she can barely walk and crawled in through the window to the wrong apartment. Yet, nothing in her dialogue or thought patterns betrayed her inebriation. You needed to add slurred speech, mispronounced words, forgetfulness, and random thoughts to better portray her state of mind. Telling us that she's drunk and showing us her intoxication are two entirely different things. I wasn't convinced. It was equally plausible that she concocted the entire episode out of frustration with her boyfriend.

You do a much better job with Frank. His transition from helpful neighbor to lecherous creep enslaved by his gonads was more believable. The sex was a little bit predictable, but his use of the drunk young woman to satisfy his fantasies of domination were the best part of this story. Normally I read this type of story for the reaction of the female, but in this case the male lead was the better written part. I look forward to your next publication.

Loved this story. It's a fantastic first entry, well written and strong in the images that it conjures without getting too bogged down in the fine detail.

The switching perspective was a little jarring, mostly because I wasn't expecting it. The switches at the start were easier to roll with because there was clear indication in the narrative of Who was doing the telling, but later in the story things felt a little more vague.

Other than that it was a stellar story. I can't wait to read more from you.

I love this story - very well written, very, very sexy. What man wouldn't want Tessie breaking into their house ! Please write more you have a talent for it,

I must concur with soflabbwlvr that there are some “real technical problems” with the present text, and add: content-related, too. As opposed to soflabbwlvr though I do not think that POV switches are ‘bad’ technique per se and to be avoided as such, indeed I laud your attempt at experimenting with formal narrative conventions, viz. uniform POV, but the problem, as soflabbwlvr pointed out precisely (there’s nothing to add to his critique on this point), is that the two different POVs of the present text are not done convincingly. Yet another truly technical problem not mentioned before are the unmotivated tense lapses (and no: they do not work as ‘showing’ the first-person narrator’s inebriation), confounding past and present, especially at the beginning of the text, to quote:

“It's frustrating but at least I don't think I've been seen, it's dark and raining; nobody in this apartment building seems to be looking out the window to see me creep and stagger along in the shadows looking guilty as sin. I stumbled and dropped my purse, and I took way, way too long picking my things up.”

But apart from these technicalities there is – at least to my mind – a much, much more severe problem of narrative content: the utterly unoriginal erotic dénouement. First of all, since our heroine never really gives any indication of resistance or unwillingness, I miss that special element which is the mark of a genuine story of non-consent/reluctance. Secondly, the erotic ‘action’ is as formulaic and unimaginative as in hundreds of thousands of stroke stories or commercial porn out there: 1st fellatio on her knees (here: deep throat), 2nd fucking through the motions (here: missionary, doggy), 3rd cum shot (here: internal); and on top of that our heroine is a virgin and orgasms without end on a cock that is, in her own words, “too big” –: bona fide believability.

Hence, all in all, the present text presents an interesting premise (inebriated teen virgin comes home to the wrong home and gets caught by the wrong home’s owner), but the literary execution, though solidly written, is severely flawed by technical insecurities and content-related triteness.

(Fortunately, technique can be practiced and the imagination stimulated; I fondly hope that dahliamorra – a writerly talent without doubt – finds feasible ways to do just that.)

–AJ

You made this woman cum hard. Very very hard.

An instant 5-star favorite. Loved every detail.

I really don't care for alternating points of view (it's a device that's been done to death, especially in erotic stories) but you have some genuinely hot moments in here.

On the other hand, I did laugh out loud at the part where the guy gets excited when she says she's 18 -- as if raping a 17-year-old is monstrous and forbidden, but raping an 18-year-old is A-OK. Heh.

Yesssss! 5-star man! Keep that shit up, this was so good :3

Regardless of technicalities average person is not an English major we just want a hot sexy story and you delivered! Bravo! Now please continue!! Xoxo you made me all wet ;) 5 stars!

I liked the story i really don't feel as though he raped her; she sucked his man parts before anything.

Fantastic!

Great writing, please do more. Maybe a trip to Mnt Hood that goes awry; visiting a neighborhood adjacent to an AB&B and the adventures there.

I loved this. Thank you for the read. Please, please write sequels. I’m following you :)