Because of You

"Son, you really don't want to buy into this. She's not worth going to the hospital for," I threatened him. I guess the memory of the firm handshake and the look in my eyes made a believer out of him. He let go of my arm and sat back down.

"I'm sure you can get a ride home Marsha Ann. I won't wait for you then. Adios kids."

About three blocks from the bar my cell phone started going off. I could see that it was Marsha Ann and thought about ignoring it but decided to get this over with. "Hello Marsha Ann, what'da want?"

"Honey, come back and get me so we can talk. I came with Donna and she hooked up with some guy and left me, I don't have a ride."

"Talkin's over with girl. You were going to ride Cowboy Bob tonight, just have him take you home first. Don't call me again, we're done Marsha Ann."

Of course we did talk again and being young and stupid I gave her another chance. I didn't really believe all the bullshit she tried to feed my about that night, but I loved her and didn't really want to break up with her. That was the first time. The same thing happened when I took another trip about six months later. I didn't catch her with anyone, but friends told me she had been out "dancing" each of the four nights that I was gone.

There is an old adage that says, "Those that don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it", and that's what happened to me. Of course hind sight is perfect and I should have shined her on after the first incident with Johnny Ray, Bobby Joe or whatever the hell his name was. I didn't learn from history and I would repeat it.

After the last time we fought about her going out, she said, "If we were married I wouldn't have to go out. We would have a home and I would wait for you there."

That was either unassailable logic or bullshit, but it worked. We got engaged and then quickly married. Our wedding was a small, but the reception was large and held at The Ranch, of all places, because that was where we met. We went to San Antonio for our honeymoon and stayed in a hotel right on the river walk. Never did see much of the river walk; we were too busy exploring each other. Neither of us were virgins but we needed to see how we fit together and what we each liked. A good time was had by all.

I went back to work and was lucky there was no traveling necessary for a couple of months. Then I had to make a trip to Oklahoma for six days and nights. When I got back home Marsha Ann tried to make up for lost time my first night back. The next morning at breakfast I asked her what she had done while I was gone. I wasn't happy to hear that she had gone out dancing three of the six nights I was gone starting with the first night I was gone. This led to our first spat, hell it was a fight, as a married couple.

She still didn't understand why I didn't want her out dancing with other men while I was gone. "You never minded me dancing when we go out together. You even let me dance with other guys. Why is it a problem if I go when you are gone?"

"Remember the times before we got married and the problems your "dancing" caused when I wasn't with you? You're a married woman now and shouldn't be out dancing without your husband. When I'm with you I can protect you and support you. I don't want you going out dancing by yourself when I'm gone."

That seemed to put an end to her nights out when I was gone. For the next 18 months my business trips were few and far between. Most but not all of the trips I had to make, Marsha Ann was able to go with me. We treated them like a mini vacation or a mini honeymoon. Things were good.

Our second anniversary rolled around and of course the gremlins decided that things were going too smooth for me. I had to go to Mexico for six days which put our celebration plans off until I could get home. Marsha Ann was not happy. She couldn't go on this trip because I would be way out in the boonies in an oil camp in the middle of the jungle with no town or other women for fifty miles.

Marsha Ann didn't or wouldn't understand that I couldn't tell my boss that I wouldn't go. She had never worked a day in her life and didn't understand the responsibilities of a job. This was only our second real argument, but it was a big one. We both calmed down and spent our last few nights before my trip trying to love each other to death.

She told me she decided to go visit her parents who were camping in their R.V. at Comanche Lake near Big Springs, Texas while I was gone. Marsha Ann said she would call me because she didn't want her phone ringing to disrupt her father's fishing. She did call me the first night I was there to make sure I got there safely. The call was mostly about how much we missed each other and couldn't wait for me to come home. She called every day that I was gone. The key being the daytime calls.

When I did get home we were all over each other. She told me that she had spent the time I was gone with her parents at the lake. Our life got back to normal and I took Marsha Ann dancing every weekend. I would have preferred to stay home once in awhile but she had quit going out by herself so I thought fair is fair, let her enjoy herself.

We would go to one of the dance halls around Midland and Marsha Ann would never miss a dance all evening. If I got tired she would dance with her girlfriends and once in a while with a guy that we both knew. She even danced with my old crew mate Jared a few times. If a stranger asked her to dance, she would refuse telling them she was a married woman. Her answer made me feel good and secure and safe. Sure I was safe and secure and then up jumped the devil to screw up my life

I ran into Jesse at outside our office one morning about 2 months after I got back from Mexico. He had been in to see Billy Ray about a job on a new well that was starting in a month. We walked over to his truck to share a couple of beers and talk for a few minutes. He seemed nervous and started to say something a couple of times but would stop and then go on about something else. Finally I told him to spit it out.

"Jason, I've got something to tell you and you're not going to like it. Just don't shoot the messenger, okay?" I nodded for him to go on.

"I know you don't like Marsha Ann going out to the clubs without you but when you were in Mexico she was at The Ranch every night. And I saw......." He tried to continue when I hit him.

He fell back against his truck and I yelled at him, "You're a lying piece of garbage." I started for him again.

Jesse wrapped both his arms around me and held me so that I couldn't move. "We're not going there again, Jason. I'm not lying. Others saw her too. I didn't have the guts to tell you before, but it kept eating at me and I thought you should know."

I calmed down and apologized for hitting him. It was hard to believe that Marsha Ann would go out like that when she knew how I felt about it. And she had agreed not to do it any more after our last talk about it.

"That's not the worst of it buddy," Jesse continued. "Three different nights she went outside with a guy and was gone for about 45 minutes."

"Who?" Now I was really mad. Not only was she going out alone where no married woman should be but going outside with a man did not look good. Maybe they were just getting some fresh air, but not for 45 minutes. Her actions would not pass the husband test.

"Different guy each time," Jesse said. "I didn't want to believe that she was doing anything more than getting some fresh air so I followed her on one of the nights. Marsha Ann and this guy got into the back seat of a Cadillac. I didn't go over to see exactly what they were doing but I could see her legs in the up in the air and she handed him her panties when they got out of the car. I used my phone and took pictures of them getting into and out of that car, of her legs up in the air, and her handing him her panties." Now he hesitated a little and then showed me the pictures.

I stood there with my head down and my hands on my knees trying hard not to throw up. Jesse helped me sit down on the tail gate of his truck and handed me a bottle of Jack Daniels. A couple of hits on the bottle and I was able to get hold of myself. Now what to do, I thought. If Jesse was right, Marsha Ann and I were done.

"What are you going to do hoss?" He offered me the bottle again.

I refuse the whisky, my dad had been a drunk and I didn't intend to let this turn me into one too. "Don't know just yet, but I'll do something you can damn well believe it," I answered. Jesse and I went into my office and downloaded the pictures from his phone to my computer.

"Do you know any of these guys she was with? I think I would like to have a little talk with them, one at a time."

"First I don't know them; I think they're just Saturday night cowboys that hang around The Ranch. Second,Jason stop and think you know none of them would have been with her without an invitation. This is all on her and even though you would feel better if you kicked their asses, if you go to jail because of this bitch, she wins," Jesse advised me.

That night when I got home, I told Marsha Ann I must have eaten some bad tacos or something and went to bed early. I wasn't sure I could control my anger and pretended to be asleep when she came to bed. The next morning I left before she woke up and went to talk to Billy Ray. He was not only my boss but my good friend. I explained what was going on and what I wanted to do.

"Are you sure this is what you want Jason? Don't you want to talk to Marsha Ann first?"

"No need for anymore talk, I've got witnesses and photos and what could she possibly have to say that would explain what she did?" It was a rhetorical question; I really didn't expect an answer. "Will you help me Billy Ray?" I did expect an answer to that question.

He picked up his phone and called the company's lawyer. After telling him what he wanted, Billy Ray listened for a minute and said, "I don't care if you have to break an arm, get it done. Bring the papers to me before end of business today."

Before I left the office I had printed out the pictures and had the divorce papers for Marsha Ann's signature. It's amazing how fast legal things can get done when you know the right people. Billy Ray knew the right people.

Marsha Ann was surprised when I came home early. I know it's a cliché but I told her I had to go to Oklahoma and would be gone for two nights. She helped me pack a bag and asked if I had time for a quickie before I had to leave. Shaking my head no, I left. She seemed a little upset when I didn't hug or kiss her before I left. Later I thought I should have so she wouldn't be suspicious. I spent the rest of the day at one of rigs talking to Jared. Around 8 PM I went home and as expected Marsha Ann wasn't there. I made myself comfortable in my chair with a cooler full of beer and waited for my precious bride to come home.

It was getting on to 1AM but I was on only my fourth beer when Marsha Ann came through the front door. She was alone, which was a good thing. I don't think I couldn't have held myself back if she had brought a boy toy home with her. Marsha Ann locked the door and went into the kitchen. She turned on the light and got a beer. As she turned around she saw the pictures that I had spread out on the table.

Her hair was messed up and her clothes looked wrinkled. "Oh god no," she said. She looked around and saw me standing in the doorway and slumped down into a chair. "Honey, it's not what ........" she started.

I held up my hand to stop her. "It's exactly what it looks like Marsha Ann. It's my wife at a dance hall, when she was supposed to be with her parents. It's my wife getting into the backseat of a car with someone other than her husband. It's my wife with her legs waving in the air. It's my wife giving her panties to some guy, again not her husband. Did I miss anything? Did I leave anything out?" As I talked I could feel the rage and hurt building up in me. I threw my beer bottle against the wall above the sink and it exploded spraying the kitchen with beer and glass.

Marsh Ann flinched and said, "You were gone and I was lonely and it just sort of happened. I'm sorry."

I couldn't believe she was going to use that tired old line that it happened because I was gone. "That dog won't hunt girl, I was gone for one night before you started your little romances, one night, not a month or even a week but one night. Yes I said romances, plural. I know about at least two other guys too. What I don't know is how many others there have been. Did the other two just sort of happen too?"

The anger was fighting with my self control and I knew I had to get away from her. I went into the bedroom and carried my two suitcases out to my truck. I had packed them while I was waiting for her to come home.

"Where are you going? Please stay and talk. We can get past this, it didn't mean anything."

"You didn't even wait 12 hours after I left today before you went out to party. How lonely could you get in 12 hours? When I told you I was going, you were already planning your little fling."

"No, that's not the way it was. I went for a drive and ended up at The Ranch. I didn't plan it and I didn't do anything wrong. I swear," she told me.

It's a damn shame, she sure is a pretty thing, I thought. We had it good for awhile. "I'll believe that if you can do one thing for me Marsha Ann. If you can show me that one thing and prove what you said, I will unpack, stay and work this out. ONE THING. Show me that you're still wearing your panties. OR DID YOU GIVE THEM TO THE GUY THAT YOU WERE WITH TONIGHT?"

The way she slumped further down onto the chair and put her face in her hands answered that question. I threw the divorce papers in front of her and told her to sign them and get them back to my lawyer. "I have been fair, we'll split what's in the savings and checking accounts and you can have the furniture and your car. The house is rented so that's not a problem, you can stay or go. It really didn't matter because I'm gone. I suggest you sign them. You won't do so good if you contest the divorce. You know how the courts are here."

Women who commit adultery do not fare well in the divorce courts of Texas. It's still a "good ole boy" network state and a cheating wife is treated about the same as a horse thief. Maybe that's not fair or politically correct but that's the way it is and that's okay too.

I moved in with Jesse for a while and the first week away from Marsha Ann was the hardest. The anger and hurt was still strong but I missed her too. She called me every two or three hours on my cell and three or four times a day at the office. The first time she called my cell and at the office I told her to leave me alone and sign the papers. I refused to take her calls at the office after that and turned off my cell. A new cell phone solved the problem of Billy Ray having to contact me when he or I were out of the office.

The separation entered its second week and Marsha Ann started to wait for me in front of the company building. Judy would clue me in which door she was at and I would duck out the other one. Cowardly I know, but I wasn't sure I could control myself and didn't want to take the chance that I might smack the hell out of her. Finally things reached a breaking point and I told Billy Ray I was going to make a run to some of our wells in northern Texas and Oklahoma. The trip should take about two weeks and maybe Marsha Ann would understand that we were not going to work through this problem.

When I came back from the business trip Judy had a letter for me from Marsha Ann. I started to throw it into the trash but Judy suggested, hell ordered, me to read it. You didn't mess with Judy; she was a force of nature. In the letter Marsha Ann promised that if I would give her 30 minutes to talk to me that she would sign the divorce papers if I still wanted her too. I called Marsha Ann and set up a time to meet at my lawyer's office. I would give her 30 minutes and have this all over with, I thought.

Friday afternoon at 1PM I walked into the lawyer's office and Marsha Ann was sitting in the conference room. The divorce papers were on the table in front of her. My attorney sat in, both to run the "meeting" and as a witness. I slid the document across the table to Marsha Ann and said, "Sign the paper Marsha Ann."

"But you said you would give me 30 minutes," she said pleadingly.

"I don't trust you. I could give you the time to talk and you could refuse to sign and we would be right back to square one."

"I promise you Honey, talk to me and then I will sign if you still want me to," Marsha Ann replied.

"Yeah you promise, but you promised that there would be no one but me when we got married too. You promised that you would quit going out "dancing" when I was gone. And you see how that went. Sign the damn papers and I'll promise to talk. If I change my mind, we can tear up the papers."

She signed the papers and I had the lawyer witness and notarize it. Then he left us alone to have our talk.

"You wanted to talk so go ahead, the clock is ticking." I looked at my watch.

Marsha Ann spent the next fifteen minutes telling me that she was sorry. She said she was mad at me for going to Mexico on our anniversary and went to The Ranch to spite me. She continued saying she had too much to drink and going out to that guy's car just sort of happened. Then I got the line about it didn't mean anything, it was only sex. And I was the only one that she loved. There was a lot more of the typical bullshit but I let her talk and didn't interrupt her. Finally she wound down and stopped talking.

"Are you finished? Have you said everything you wanted to say to me?" She nodded her head.

"Okay, now I have a few things to say to you. Before we got married, did Johnny Ray playing with your tits in that booth just happen too? Your past history at those dance halls doesn't help me to believe you. While I was in Mexico you went outside with at least two other guys, I have witnesses. Did they just happen too?" I was speaking in a normal voice, not yelling or shouting. My mama always told me that if you yelled at someone they would get defensive or start to yell back. They would start thinking about how to defend themselves instead of paying attention to what you were saying.

"If your little escapade in the backseat of the Cadillac just happened, what about the other two guys. If you felt guilty about what you did, why did you go back the very next night and every other night that I was gone? And you know the real kicker here, the real tragedy?"

Marsha Ann was sitting across from me with tears running down her cheeks. She shook her head no to answer my question.

"You've destroyed everything that I care about with your little "it just happened". You've destroyed our marriage, I might be able to forgiven you but I won't ever forget. If we got back together every time you didn't answer the phone when I called, or you took too long to go the store or beauty shop I would wonder if you were meeting someone. Every time I would leave on a trip, I would wonder if you would decide that it would be okay to go to a dance hall." I had to stop for a few seconds and get my control back. Remember what Mama told you, I thought.

"You've destroyed my career and my home. I can't stay in Midland, because everywhere I go it reminds me of you. All the restaurants, the movie house, and even the dance halls would remind me of you. So I have to leave. But the worst thing you did was you destroyed any chance I would ever have of loving someone else. I'm dead inside. I can't let anyone get that close to me again because of what you did to me; I'm afraid of being hurt again."

By this time Marsha Ann was really crying but still listening to me. I stood and looked down at her and started toward the door.