All Comments on 'Birthday Surprise'

I made it to the word "you" and stopped reading. Please, I beg you and all my fellow authors, please abandon the second person narrative. It is incredibly annoying, and pulls the reader right out of the story. The only time it is appropriate is when you are writing a letter to a specific person.

I didn't rate the story, as I'm not going to penalize you for my pet peeve.

I'm not a fan of second person either, but this was better than most somehow. Using verbs from to lay rather than the correct to lie had the usual humorous effect. (See someone else's essay from today on the subject.) Lay takes a noun as an object, so when you say "I lay down on the bed", down can no longer be a direction, but must be feathers. LOL!

Simple birthday threesome. Good present! I liked it.