All Comments on 'Bittersweet Ch. 01'

But, I think it may have potential. You definitely need to enlist the aid of an editor, before you attempt any more submissions. Your work contained so many errors, it was totally hard to follow. I do think the premise of your Cousin Incest Story was a pretty good one. With help, it could be a pretty good story. DON'T GIVE UP!

there is potential, certain actions seem unnatural, however with a little help from an editor and more realistic actions/reactions by the players, this story can turn out to be very good.

hope you continue with their story. I'd like to see where you take it.

Not a bad story, but it's in the wrong category. Sexual activities between cousins are not incestuous, either in Church or State Law. First cousins are permitted to marry by both Church and State in practically every civilised country. This is one of the most common manifestations of ignorance on the part of, either erotica writers, or - more likely - the American public in general. As I said at the beginning - look it up. Freddy

It doesn't matter about the "laws" in different countries. On Lit, it only matters that cousin-cousin IS considered incest, and that is where the story will automatically go, even if the writer submits it under another category, such as erotic couplings or some other.

There are a few things that need to be cleaned up to make the story flow better. Grammar and spelling slow the story down when the reader has to figure out what the heck the characters are trying to say. For instance, exactly what the hell did the father say when he was asked/asking about how well somebody slept? I simply had to skip it as irrelevant and move on. There are also the here/hear issues, a few missing punctuation issues, etc. The story was still good, however, and I am hopeful that you will continue to work on the next chapter.

As for the "first cousin" topic, it IS illegal in some states to marry a first cousin. It is a state issue and, regardless of whether or not it is illegal here or there, it is still taboo in most cultures to marry a relative. Having sex with relatives, of course, is just as taboo, therefore the story should stay in this category.

One last little question (for the characters)...

WHY WOULD YOU FLY TO L.A. TO DRIVE TO EUREKA? Why not fly into San Fran, Oakland, or Sacramento and save yourself a 652 mile, 10.5 hour non-stop drive? What a waste of fossil fuels! ;-)

I like the premis of the story line and the characters seem to be developing nicely. Just remember, spell/grammar check IS your friend, and going through a second set of eyes (i.e., an editor) will help readability.

Well, they're wrong, especially in light of the tag line for this chapter. The concept is erroneous. In fact, half the states in the US permit first cousin marriages.

his father walks out his mom ships him off to the unclehe has a fight with his cousin and you expect us to believe he wants her no way he would have stayed out until they all left then pack and leave keep it atleast sounding somewhat realistic this isn't the fantasy area so it has to be based on reality and be believable

DBRS

Check some of your spelling and grammar. Otherwise a really good story.

Are you from Texas or did you just add the inflections into your writing?