Bittersweet Ch. 01

"What's the matter, afraid of competition, afraid that she might like someone other than you?"

I turned toward him, hands and fists. I tried to keep my composure as much as I could but the anger won over. "Afraid of you" Then, with fury, I punched him to the floor "No" I walked out the door after that.

The drive was quiet. I was sitting in the passenger's seat rubbing my hand. I thought it was all cool but Lacey started a conversation I didn't want to have. "You punched him, didn't you?" It was an accusation more than a question.

"Yeah, I did" There was no reason to lie to her.

"Why? Was he that threatening to you that you had to punch him?"

"No, I just had it with him. You know he made me—"

"Jealous?"

"What! No not jealous"

"Then what?"

The car pulled of the street into a vacant parking lot. Lacey put the car into park and looked at me.

"Natty, if you were jealous, don't be ashamed to say you were."

"I'm not jealous!" I snapped quickly, avoiding the reason for my actions

"Natty, please" She caught my bluff; she knew what it was that caused my anger. And hell I knew it to, I didn't want to admit it but I was in too deep now.

"I'm not jealous." I said lower, to myself more than to her "I can't be" I was thinking out loud now, in the same low tone, I never looked at her. But her eyes burned into my soul, tugging at it till the guilt was stretched so far I wanted to die "I mean its wrong...and I'm not one of those kinds of people" Then I looked up at her, on the verge of breaking "I'm not!" I opened the door and step out of the car. I walked down the vacant parking lot toward the beach. She called my name several times, telling me to come back but I didn't look back.

I walked down to the water and let it wash across my shoes. What a mess I made. In one whole day I've managed to alienate myself from my cousin. What was I going to do? I could never look at her the same, I could never laugh with her the way I did tonight. What was I to do?

"Hey" A voice said from behind me. I turned to see my new friend Morgan. "How are you doing Natty?"

"Fine I guess"

"You really love the water don't you?"

"It's a good placidity"

"You sure you're ok?

"Yeah, I'm fine"

"Sure?"

"I said I'm fine!" I snapped at her. She stepped back in fear "Morgan I'm sorry. I just had an overwhelming evening. I'm sorry I snapped at you"

"No, it's ok"

"Listen, I need a little alone time."

"You sure?"

"Goodbye Morgan"

"Bye"

I walked down the beach for what seemed like hours. I talked to myself, cursing myself for my actions. Pointing out all my faults, trying to make myself feel like shit. The sky started to get grey and the morning was coming closer and closer. I didn't want to face the day, it meant I'd have to go back to the house, so Uncle Danny wouldn't worry I got lost or worse. I walked past to the place I'd seen Morgan and continued down the beach. If I headed down the beach I'd reach the house.

I entered the house from the veranda. I came through the glass door, no one was around which made me feel at ease. Then I heard steps coming down the stairs fast and hard.

"Natty, what's up cuz!" Chris gave me a quick tap on the shoulder and headed toward the kitchen in a fast paced mood "So how was your first day in Eureka?"

"Oh, it had its moments"

"Yeah I bet. Want anything to eat?"

"Nah I'll fix something up later."

"Well I got to hurry." He was concentrating on his breakfast "My class starts in 7 minutes and it takes 10 to get to school so, I guess we'll catch up later on." With that he fled out the door with a crape in hand. Then another pair of feet came rushing down the steps, heavier, and quicker

"Hey bud, I gotta head into work earlier today." He began the same routine his son had "So Lacey told me what happened last night."

"She did!?"

"Yeah and don't worry about it, I can't find myself to keep my eyes off that beach too."

"The beach?"

"Yeah, Lacey told me that you two were coming home when you said you wanted to walk home on the beach. So she let you out the car and drove home."

"Ye-yeah, I-I think it's an amazing thing, the water, so quiet, so serene."

He laughed at my exaggeration "Well I'm glad you're enjoying it...There she is." I was afraid to turn to look at her, I knew she had her eyes on me, I could feel them, burning into my soul again. "How'd you sleep baby girl?"

"Good daddy. How about you Natty, you sleep good?" She came around from behind me and sat next to me. I didn't look at her; I just stood there staring at the marble counter top.

"To be honest I had a rough time sleeping, must be the new bed."

"That's nice"

"What about your old man? No, how'd you sleep, for me?"

"Of course daddy, how'd you sleep?

"Mighty fine, I dreamt of your Ma, she looked prettier than a shiny penny too."

"Aw daddy"

"You look a whole lot like her, ya know. Sept for them ears, those you get from me...whoopi dasi, look at the time. I love you honey, you too Natty" and with that he was out the door just like his son.

The whole place was quiet, I was leaning against the counter starring at the wall and Lacey sat there eating her breakfast as if last night never happened.

"So..." She finally broke the silence "We gonna talk about this?"

"I wish we wouldn't" I still starred at the wall.

"Tell me something Natty, when did you figure you were attracted to me?" She kept her composure completely, like this was just a normal conversation. How could she do that? "Natty?"

"I think it was when you asked me to dinner." I went to the chair on other side of the counter. I sat down and began to fiddle with my fingers, a nervous habit I'd gotten from my mom. "I remember admire your change and I guess it...evolved from there."

"You wanna know something." She starred up at me, I didn't want to look but I had to. "I—"

"Don't want to hear the let me down easy speech Lacey, heard it before, I don't need to hear the re-run."

"Will you shut up all ready?! Fucking idiots! You men and your feelings, I'm trying to tell you something that has nothing to do with a 'let you down easy' speech, but no, you get all worked up before I say anything." She went to the fridge and grabbed some orange juice.

"Well maybe I don't want to talk at all, maybe I'll get packed"

She slammed the orange carton on the counter and strode over to my chair. She grabbed me by the shirt and kissed me hard; pushing herself so hard that she knocked us down onto the ground. I just lied there not knowing what to do as her lips moved over mine. She finally broke the kiss and stood up.

"There, I like you too. I mean I try to tell a guy something and he gets all worked up in guilt. I mean I tried to tell you last night too, but no! You walk off and don't let me talk to you." She crouched down next to me and starred at my puzzled expression. "You are a stubborn guy, you know that?" She had a small smirk on her face, she semi-slapped my cheek, then just watched me figure out what just happened. "You going to lie there looking silly or look at me and say something.

"I don't know what to say Lacey...wha---whe---how---sheesh"

"So what do we do about this Natty? I mean if Daddy and Chris find out they'd have a fit"

"They'd have more than that!" I started to stand when Lacey caught me. She grabbed the back of my neck a kissed me. Her other hand slowly came around to the other side of my neck. "Wait, wait."

"What?"

"Don't you think this is a bit weird?"

"Well granted, this is an awkward way to kiss."

"No, I mean us, you and me, cousins! First cousins mind you."

"C'mon, don't try to tell me you don't want me."

"That's beside the point. Regardless of me wanting you or not you're still my cousin and it's still wrong. Plus what about that whole 'daddy and Chris' thing"

"It's only wrong if you make it wrong. I mean explain stealing car keys from your dad, or borrowing a movie too long, or skinny dipping in a lake when your 8. They're only wrong when you make them wrong. So don't make them wrong and they won't be."

"It's not the same. It's different than children skinny dipping"

"No it's not, now I can see you need to think this through, so I'm going to get dressed in my bathing suite, go outside and read my book. Then at eleven we can go to class."

"We both have a class at eleven?"

"Not just the same time, same class too"

"What about Uncle Danny and your brother?"

"What about them?"

"Hiding it from them isn't something you can achieve with little trouble."

"That's why you go outside and think; I'll join you in a bit"

She bounced her way up the stairs. I was just so boggled by all this I didn't even bother to move. I just laid there stunned. Lacey came down shortly after in her white two piece. Before going out back she turned to see me in the same position as I was when she left me. She laughed and walked out to the veranda. Her laugh, last night I thought I would never hear it's sweet sound ever again, now she was laughing again, like she was last night, it was euphoric. Everything about her was euphoric to me. How could I deny her anything, some one who was beautiful and wonderful, how could I deny myself the pleasure of being with someone like this? Just from a simple technicality. Like she said, it's only wrong if you make it wrong. Fine, I'll do it. Screw the worries, she wanted me, and I sure did want her.

I walked out to the veranda. I sat in the chair next to her. I was watching the sun coming almost fully up. "I've decided" She sat her book down on the table and lent out of her chair closer to me, as to better hear what I was saying. "I've decided we should do this, you and I." Out of the corner of my eye I saw a smile so white and so big. She jumped off her chair and into mine. She lent me completely back then lied down on me. She nuzzled her body into mine. "We have to take it slow though. I'm not really acquainted with the dating thing. Nor am I acquainted with the date your cousin thing either."

"That's fine with me." She grabbed my neck and pulled my head down to her level and kissed me.

I broke the kiss after a second "But we have to be discreet about it. If anyone, let alone your brother and dad find out, we're humped."

"Of course, totally discreet." She began the kiss again this time more passionate than before. She turned her body so that her breasts were on my chest; she parted my lips with her tongue and began to go wild. She found my tongue and began to play with it. I returned the action and pulled her body closer to mine. The kiss was more than a first kiss as a couple, it was a declaration of the felicity we had for each other. Her hands began to search my chest. She traced lines down the front of my shirt. Her fingers found the bottom of my shirt and began to pull it up. My eyes popped open.

"What are you doing?"

"Pulling off your shirt"

"I just said we should take it slow."

"But Natty."

"I'm not ready yet Lacey, technically we've only been together for 5 minutes." She let go of my shirt and let it fall back into place. Her smile faded and her eyes became distant. "Hey ..." I pulled her face toward me closer "I'm not saying I don't want it, that's far from what I'm thinking..." I pressed my lips against hers gently "I just need a little time, don't be impatient. I'm yours now; we have forever to...be together." I pressed my lips on hers harder this time. I wanted to feel her smile; I wanted to hear her laugh. I slid one hand down to her rib cage and started to tickle. It worked; she began to smile underneath my lips making me smile. She began to laugh as I started with my other hand.

"Ok...ok...I give, I give" She was gasping for breath, laughing, music to my ears. It's all the reward I needed to know that I had won her over.