All Comments on 'Blizzard'

Need paragraph breaks and proper punctuation for the dialogue. The plot is otherwise good and pretty believable, although it seems out of character for the wife to talk the way she did in front of her husband's employee with whom she has no relationship, at least as far as the reader can tell.

Great story, keep this kind up. It showed the makings of a stroke story as well as a little thrill of the chase. It could have gone many ways but I liked the outcome of this one. Thanks

a DUMB under developed story. WHY exactly did he decide to Fuck Jesse? I dont get it.

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we have a married couple Both over worked and stressed out but still have some time for each other and some sex. Not a great situation but NOT a disaster either.

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on the blizzard day they have great sex all night long

...and a great Family day and evening.

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so the next day while everyone is snowed... b/c the wife is thinking about work and is uncomfortable about his sexual advances in the living where the kids / neighbors might see ...the husband decides THATS IT God dam it I am ging to fuck Jesse.....???

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sorry the Husband's Motivation makes NO sense.

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If the Husband is just an asshole who will screw anything that moves outside of his marriage thats one thing. But that is NOT the way the author develops the husband character.

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This story would of been MUCH better IF the wife had rejected all his sexual advances during the snow day because she was too worried about work or the kids finding them etc

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THEN the husband's motiviations would of made sense: in other words IF the story was that even when the wife had the chance to re-connect with her husband when the blizzard shut sown their world ....she did NOT.

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thats called REJECTION.

whole enchilada. I think he was looking for an excuse to fuck Jessie and making a set up of his own against this wife. The wife had an obcession for work that was actually destroying her home life. A problem that many men and women get. Thinking work is their life and home is something they do. Jess was playing hardball, she was going to seduce him and breakup their marriage. She got trumped in the action by the arrival of the wife, and her plan went out the window. She left so quickly she had to have already arranged leaving the apartment and work almost instantly, seems more likely she had a guy that wanted her to move in with him or perhaps was being placed in an apartment as a full time mistress. Wondered from the start why his wife was not working with him in the family business but then stupid people do stupid things. Find it very difficult to believe after being married so long the wife did not swallow. Over the many years of my wife I have found very few women that did not swallow, very few indteed.

I liked the story. But as others have said the husband has asexy wife who will, with a little encouragement experiment okay so they bitch at each other don't most married couples? Anyway the the idea of the story was good and i liked the ending. So all in all a good story.

Actually much better than good! I will disagree with the readers about motivation. Many readers seem to be unable or unwilling to use their imagination and expect a writer to do all of their work. Your story allows me, as the reader, to fill in the blanks and use my imagination. However, it gave enough direction through your words to sense the emotions and background story, so that even a reader that just wanted a good short story could follow it. Very well done and quite realistic.

M

The idea was okay but the dialogue was almost impossible to follow. Read a story with dialogue and see how it is done. It makes a hell of a difference. The reader understands what the hell you are trying to say.

A fine story! I really enjoyed it.Thank you!

I liked the story very much, although I would like to have read that his wife and the girl would have become lovers also. Thanks for the good story.....Rich

A good story. I really felt his frustration. It's a shame real life can't always have perfect endings. There was a nice bitter sweetness at the end of "what could have been", without the scorched earth revenge and despair that happens in most of the stories.

Well done! A great story of "might have been" and "Was." Very nicely done.

This is the first one of your stories I have read and I loved it. It was good and I will read your others. Thank you for it.

Like real life, nothing goes the way we expect it too, but the happy ending came for everyone involved, including Jesse.

Liked the story but the handling of the dialogue was a distraction. Not sure why iconisclass chose to do the dialogue the way he did since his other stories show dialogue done correctly.

Get an editors. Good plot, lousy writing.

This was a "Fun Read" and a truly feel good story!!!

Actually I enjoyed it right up to the moment where I read the ample criticism. It was a real downer to read how you need an editor, why you need more paragraphs, how difficult it was to follow your story. When you decide that you need to use your talent to educate us, I'll pass. In the meantime, keep entertaining.

As Jessie was coming down the ladder his face was only an inch from her belly button. Coming down a ladder, a person usually faces the opposite direction. Sorry, just nit picking. Story had some issues, but a good read anyway. Thanks. Enough said.

Sometimes a man (just like a woman) gets emotionally hurt when his partner says or does something uncaring at a vulnerable moment. With sex, the barriers are down and a married couple presumably has enough experience, where the partners both love one another and can sense what each likes and dislikes, what each wants and doesn't want, such that hurt feelings should simply not happen while making love. Hubby implies this and knows that his wife knows what he needs because he wasn't fully hard enough for intercourse after going down on her. He ignored his own needs to satisfy her first, as usual. Karen ignored his with her hurtful question (even though she really knew what he wanted). So he was (perhaps childishly) miffed because of this "uncaring" attitude on her part, and he decided to test her by cumming in her mouth, obviously something he had wanted for a long time. Now maybe from another perspective it was selfish but wouldn't Karen's expectation that he would always give her lots of orgasms first with cunnilingus be selfish too? Karen's real problem was that she just could not let her hair down during a snow day! She kept her stress, her up-tightness, her worries about work in her home routine even though nature forced a break in this very routine. She got angry when he tried to make love in the living room "because someone might see." Her lack of spontaneity came across as lack of love, at least in his eyes. That's why he felt hurt and considered seeking the attentions of Jesse, someone whom he obviously found attractive and who was clearly available. It was wrong for several reasons (it's immoral to cheat on his wife to "get even" for Karen's seeming rejection, and then there is a risk of sexual harassment charges if Jesse were to get mad at him for not dumping his wife to marry her). Obviously people can react emotionally and make decisions on the short term without really considering the consequences. He was reminded of this when his wife (not as dumb as he thought) decided on a surprise visit to the shop. She realized he had temptation to stray and she needed to keep his interest in the bedroom or he might actually do so. Women are competitive in this sense and Karen was no exception. I feel this story gets good marks for originality and keeping the reader's interest.

That ends well, good story, thanks.

Thanks for sharing this well written and very entertaining story.

Loved it. You caught the mood and situation perfectly. Well done.

Loved it. You caught the mood and situation perfectly. Well done.

Will be checking out your other stuff.

Minus 5

it's funny how people can come in and out of your life, leaving behind memory and influence; glad it worked out here but hope jesse lands somewhere good for her

Good story. I thought he was a homer there with Jess. If she had been wearing a skirt, he would have been a goner. Good thing Karen was a hottie.

good story with a little spice but nice premise

I like original; 5*

Love the possible setup, possible collusion. It worked out well and a wife that see the problem and addresses it. As was said - original ain't to common here 5* story all the way.

I liked it.

Class is in your name and your writing... Thank You 5*****

If not the result of bribes, the 5 star reviews were obviously left by friends and relatives. The sudden changes in the wife's attitude, and the husband's interest in the marriage, were poorly presented and explained. She might as well care about her marriage while she was unemployed. He took that as a sincere recommitment to their relationship? Because the wife was willing to give him head to completion once again, the MC put no effort into locating the woman who had grown so close to him? He felt no need to ensure she was OK? What a fucking schmuck.