All Comments on 'Bobby & Gabby'

Not really erotic, but a good short story. Perhaps there is more. Keep writing.

A good start, but needs to have more in a chapter, as a reader I hate waiting for the next part of the story. Keep going, the story so far seems realistic

This can be a good story, so please get a good proof reader(editor) and keep it going. Think about plural for thought.

This hits a sensitive spot for me as I would really want to help my sister and comfort her. God help any one who hurt her.

this should not have been posted this short you should have waited until it was atleast two or three time longer. and please keep the sexual violence and other crap out of the stories theres enough of it in real life we don't need it here. if you NEED to add sexual violence use the nonconsent / reluctance area no one cares about it there.

It was short BUT, I immediately felt for the characters. Please keep it up and thanks!

Which guarantees that I will NOT be reading the next episode.

Bad grammer and you need to learn sentence consrtuction .

Gdt a proof reader and have a story. This was a short intro

Id this is all you can write don't bother

all you whiners I take it you can't read or comprehend what you read can you, the line following the Title says Intro! This is short for Introduction gentle readers also means more to follow. Now that we have the "smarter than a 5th grader" thing settled, Dear writer to short, this serves as a first paragraph not a chapter or even a page. Teasers like this belong on the back cover of paperback cheap novels. @Anonymous the why and how the characters get to what they do in the story is pertinent to the flow of events so if you can't fish or cut bait go back to your nursery rhymes!!!

Yes it was short but it was enough to catch my interest.

This was a short and sweet intro. I know when you were writing it, I'm sure it felt a lot longer. My first post sure did. I am registered as an editor if that will encourage you to continue the story.

One suggestion I have just based on this, if you are planning on switching back and forth between perspectives, throw a divider between the transitions so it is clear before even starting the next paragraph that it is something different.

A good thing that you did was provide a reason she would trust her brother to comfort her even when she was not wanting to be touched.

Can't wait for more!

You start out with Gabby telling the story, then switch to Bobby telling it. You need an editor!

Thanks for the comments everyone they will certainly help me with writing my next submission. Sorry the intro was so short the next one will be longer. I am getting an editor right now.

THAT IS THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE THIS STORY JUST DELETE.

To the last anonynous post: what should be deleted is your comment. Yes there are all kinds of problems with the writing, but nothing that can't be fixed. The story itself is too short but not bad.

To the anonymous that complained about the violence: what violence? The date rape was alluded to as the pretext for the story and why she was upset and taking a shower to get clean. It was not actually described in the story other than to say that the guy wouldn't stop when she said no.

To the writer: I'm glad you've found an editor because you definitely need one. As another reader commented, you show no sense of grammar, punctuation, or sentence structure. However, you do seem to have a sense of how to at least set up a story, so I say get the editor to help you with the mechanics and whatever else you need to take this story forward because it has the potential to be very touching when all is said and done. As a stand-alone, it should have gone in the non-erotic category, but if you plan to continue it, you are right where you should be.