Breakdown Cover Ch. 02

Then as I stormed my way back to the house, I heard Trevor's voice, “Hey hold up there lad.”

I stopped, turned, and in and angry scowl, asked, “What the fuck do you want?”

“Now now lad. Calm yourself down and listen a minute.”

“I am calm. Say what you've gotta say and go.”

“Oh come on. Stop beating yourself up. I know it's hard to accept that you've let her down, but it's not the end of the world, and it's not too late to turn things around.”

“What are you going on about?”

“Ok, you don't want to discuss it out here, I can understand that. But let me attempt to pour oil on troubled waters. Get your mower and bring it over to our place. And whilst Bill and I sort it out, you can borrow our mower.”

“Just go.”

“Don't be silly lad. Cutting off your nose to spite your face is in anyone’s book a stupid thing to do. Our mower will eat your little lawn in half the time you'd usually take. And I know we’ve got spare starter cord, we buy it by the reel. Now come on, it's a genuine peace offering.”

“I don't know. I might take you up on borrowing your mower; just this once. But I'll take mine in and pay to get it fixed. I don't want to be owing you any favours.”

“You won't owe us a thing. As I said, think of it as a peace offering. Now you get your mower and bring it over, I'll go and open up the doors to our garage.”

So very reluctantly, I took my mower across the road, and brought their mower over to my garden. And like Trevor said, their big mower sorted my little lawns in half the time I'd normally take. Not just because of its size, but it just cut so well.

Once I finished, I went back across, and I couldn't believe my eyes. My mower was in so many bits, I couldn't imagine they'd ever know what went where, or how to put it back together again. As soon as Trevor saw me, he said, “All done then?”

“Yes. And I'm sorry if I was a bit offhand with you earlier. I've been doing some thinking whilst I was mowing; I guess it isn't you I should be angry with.”

“That's alright lad. It's obvious you're having difficulty coming to terms with the situation. But like I said earlier, it's not the end of the world, and it's not too late to turn things around.”

“How d'you mean?”

“Your problems stem from all this time spent away from home.”

“I know, but we need the money.”

“Yes, I know that. And I've thought of a way your wife can start earning again.”

My instantaneous reaction was to think he was going to suggest paying her for sex, and almost before he'd stopped speaking, I blurted out, “You'd better not be going to make some kind of sexual suggestion.”

“Sexual? What are you going on about?”

“I d'know. Earning money how?”

“Well I've been talking to my niece Mary, you know her husband. You play football with him.”

“D'you mean Sam?”

“Yes. I asked Mary if they could me'be give your lass a job on their farm. And she says she'll start working on her brother for you. It's her brother Bob who runs the farm now, since her dad had a funny turn.”

“So what kind of work would my Shirley be able to do on the farm?”

“There's a farm shop, but that's already got a woman working full time. So Mary thinks she might be able to persuade her brother to take on your lass assisting her at busy times, and at other times, collecting eggs, and bagging up potatoes and veg.”

“But the children, she can't leave them alone.”

“No problem. The hours can be worked out to fit in with her taking them off to school, and then after school, letting your kids play with Mary's whilst your lass helps with the evening rush; it always gets busy around four to five in the afternoon. And me'be they might want her on a Saturday morning. So again, the kids can play with Mary's.”

“You've got it all worked out.”

“Not really. Well not finalized. But with Mary on your side, I'm sure she'll twist her brother around her little finger. Women have a knack for getting things they want.”

“So you think this job might pay enough for me to go back to my old shift.”

“I told you. Mary is on your side. She knows how hard it’s been for your lass; and she feels for her.”

“You haven't told her about what happened?”

“Of course not. That's a sealed-up secret. But when I put the idea of a job to her, it was her who said it must be hard for your lass, going weeks on end without a man in her bed. So you can take it from that, that she knows the score.”

It suddenly hit me just how much this man had put himself out, to help two almost strangers. And I was now beginning to see him in a new light. “I don't know what to say. Does Shirley know about this job?”

“No, I only talked that through with Mary last night.”

“D'you mind if I run over home now and tell her?”

“Well if I was you, I'd wait until we've at least got the nod to say Bob's on board.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Don't look so down, I'm sure it will come good. Now, can I ask you something?”

“Go on.”

“It's delicate.”

“I don't know what you mean. In what way delicate?”

“Well I know how hard it hit you when you realised, that what I'd told you about your wife was true. But you weren't being genuine. Were you?”

“What d'you mean.”

“Sam told Bob what you told him. And then Bob told me. You're quite liking the freedom you're getting on these trips away from home.”

I knew I'd let on to Sam about the landlady, you know, changing room bragging after the match. But I didn't want to admit to anything like that here. “It's been an experience, I'll admit that. But I only do it for the money.”

“And the fanny-ann.”

“Fanny-ann?”

“Skirt, snatch, cunt, landladies’, or barmaids; whatever you like to call it. You threw your hands up in disgust when I suggested your lass had succumbed. But you've been bragging to all and sundry about your own exploits.”

“Now hold on there. You're not thinking of telling my Shirley about some rumour you've heard?”

“Its more than a rumour, and you know it. But no. I wouldn't disillusion the lass. She thinks the sun shines out of your arse. But from you, I want to see that you understand the sheer torment you've been subjecting her to.”

“What torment?”

“The torment her fanny-ann has been giving her. You were quick enough to sate your own cravings. If you really loved her as much as you pretend, you'd worry more about her happiness than your own pride. She's showed a damn site more restraint than you. And in the end, when things got too much for her to handle, it wasn't just her craving for sex that broke her. She'd not have broke with just that one burden. But combined with money worries, responsibility for the kids and knowing she owed gratitude, the lack of sex was the straw that broke the camels back. But are you man enough to go over to your lass, and tell her you'll understand if she needs to relieve that burden?”

"What d'you mean, relieve that burden?"

"If she was to have someone who could see to her needs whilst you're away from home, then she'd be all the better off for it."

“Are you suggesting that I should tell her it's ok to go and get herself fucked whenever she feels a craving for it?”

“Well in truth, that's what you're doing. But no. What I'm saying is, she's burdened with guilt for doing what anyone would have done under the circumstances. Tell her you understand her needs, and it's not something she needs your forgiveness for, but her right during this time when she's shouldering the household on her own.”

“Are you saying I should tell her she's got the right to have sex with anyone, whenever I'm away from home?”

“You do.”

“I'm a man. Men have always done it. It's in our nature.”

“Hog-wash. You don't believe that any more than I do. What you mean is it’s easier for you to do it without her knowing. And I'll agree with you on that, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.”

“See. You agree with me. If she doesn't know it does no harm.”

“So when you first got home, did your wife looked harmed?”

“I don't get you. You're not saying you'd already told her about me?”

“No not you. But the sex she had. That did her no harm, and you'd not have known anything was wrong if it had not been for the car. And neither has it harmed you?”

“Not as such. But if the word got around, I'd be a laughing stock.”

“Ah, now we're getting down to it. It's back to your pride. So look at Bill over there working diligently on your mower. He's as happy as a sand-boy. And he always will be so long as he doesn't have to interact with other people. And with him being a recluse, and not visiting pubs and the like, you can be sure that what took place with your wife, will be kept a secret. So tell me now, what harm did it do you?”

“When you put it like that, none I guess. But that's not the same as what you said earlier. Telling her she's got the right to have sex with anyone, whenever she needs it.”

“Needs it. That's the key lad. The need. Not the want, nor the whim or fancy. But need. And not with anyone. Look at him again.” He was pointing to his brother Bill. “What the bloody hell are you worried about. It not like she's gonna fall madly in love with him and not want you once you're back home and ready to do your duty. But if he can sate her need. Surely it'll not only help her function properly at all the other jobs she's got to deal with. But having that need filled by someone you can be sure of, it makes sure she'll not go further afield for comfort. And when you get back and take over the reigns, she'll be as responsive as ever she was. Can't you see the sense in that?”

“I guess. But you said it only happened with him because she was in a state mentally. Surely she'd not go with him by choice?”

“So tell her. You understand her need, but you don't want any gossip. Tell her she has your blessing so long as it’s with someone you can trust.”

“But if this job offer is real, she won't need your Bill.”

“The job still has to be sorted. And I'm guessing you'll still have to work away from home for the next three weeks.”

“I guess you're right. But not just this first three week shift, but probably even the one after that. Once I tell them I want to go back to normal shifts, they'll have to reorganise the shift patterns again, that'll take them a while."

“So that's it. It won't be instant, so it makes sense to help her through that time. It'll only be a temporary arrangement. And once you're back to working normal, she'll not need Bill's help.”

“Maybe it would work. I'm guessing Bill is up for it?”

“What do you think?”

“So I go over there and tell her that I'm ok with her getting fucked. So long as it's by Bill?

“Tell her you've thought about the pressures you'd left her to deal with, and now you understand why she did what she did. And being as you don't want her to have to get to that point again, you think it would be a good idea to go see Bill once a week. Maybe you could suggest the kids repeat their sleepover at the farm. So every Friday, she can then come to see Bill and get her relief.”

“So not wait until she's really desperate?”

“No. That would be silly. If she's desperate, who knows who might trigger her, or where she might be. Safer to vent off the pressure early before the boiler gets to bursting pressure. Once a week is not really enough, but it should keep her cravings under control.”

“I guess it makes sense. But are you sure Bill won't go bragging about it?”

“I told you, Bill isn't that sort. So are you ok with this, or would it be easier if I come with you, to help in the explaining?”

“No. I've got it covered. And this job offer, it's a genuine one?”

“Of course it is. I wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't. But until we get word that Bob's agreed, I'd not mention anything at work; or to your lass.”

“Ok.”

“Ok, I'll wait to hear from you, let me know today if you can.”

Shirley.

I saw Trevor and James talking in the garden, and then after a while, James went back to his garage and following Trevor, took our mower over to their house. Then a few minutes later he returned with what I assumed was their mower. The lawns were soon done and James returned their mower. But he obviously didn't just drop it off and leave, as it was some thirty minutes later before he returned; without his mower.

When he opened the door, he said, “I think I've got some good news for you.”

“It's about time we had some, go on tell me.”

He went on to tell me, “Trevor has been talking with Sam's wife. And she's gonna try to convince her brother to sort out a job for you.”

“What kind of job?”

He explained it exactly as Trevor had explained it to him, and like when he'd questioned Trevor about various aspects, as I questioned him, he came up with workable solutions. And not just about the farm job, but we also talked through the prospect of James being able to return to normal shift patterns at some time in the near future.

So then feeling more than just happy with this news, the horrible revelations of the last couple of days, slipped from my conscious mind.

And it was whilst I was in this euphoric frame of mind, that James then began to explain, “I've thought through the situation I've left you in whilst I've been working away from home, and now I think I understand the sexual frustration that my being away has caused you. And I now realise just how cruel that was of me. And that that whole episode with Bill, that was inevitable. Even if it hadn't happened with Bill, it would have happened with someone else. If not then in those circumstances, but eventually. It's a credit to your stamina that you held out for as long as you did.”

I was amazed, and I can't for one minute say I agreed with his reasoning or his assumptions. But as his current attitude lightened the burden of my guilt, I was happy to feign agreement.

And then as he expanded on his assumptions, he said, “I was wondering if you'd maybe cope better, if your hormones were more in balance?”

“In what way?”

“Sexually. Tell me. Be honest. Has this week been less stressful for you? You know, since Bill did that. I mean have you felt more contented since he satisfied that craving?”

Well as I've already admitted, it had given me an unexplainable feeling of wellbeing. But, of course, the other problems of guilt, etc. that had come from that act, had overshadowed all the good feelings. But how do you answer such a question when asked by your husband? “D'you want the real truth?”

“Of course I do.”

“Ok. If I could turn the clock back, I'd make sure it never got chance to happen.”

“I see. Well no, I don't see. Are you saying that you weren't sexually frustrated, and that it didn't ease anything; sexually?”

I'd hoped my last answer would have satisfied him, I didn't want to go into this kind of detail. But it was obvious now that I'd have to elaborate further. “It has been a long while, since we made love.”

“I know and I'm sorry.”

“No. Let me finish. I'm not blaming you. I was just meaning that with it being so long, yes, I must have been on a knife edge. But it wasn't something I was consciously aware of. But I guess once tapped into, it just came to the surface, and took over. And on one level, I'll admit, it did give me a kind of glow. But consciously, it was hell; a nightmare to end all nightmares. The guilt is something I'll never get over.” And then from nowhere came floods of tears. I'd been rational up until I'd finished speaking. But now I just lost it completely.

He held me without words, and let me get it out of my system.

Some fifteen or so minutes later, when I'd got no more tears to cry, he said, “Cup of tea?”

“No.” Then I let out a nervous half laugh. “Ha. Aren't we silly? Our world collapses around us, and we think a cup of tea will make it all better.”

“Our world hasn't collapsed. In fact now I'm in possession of all the facts, I think we can make our world a happier place than its been for a very long while.”

“I don't understand.”

“But like I told you, I do. And understanding why it happened, and knowing how that helped you in your time of need. We can plan for the future, and prevent you from ever being put into that kind of situation again.”

Now the only way I could see that I'd escape being in that situation again, was, “We're gonna move house?”

“No, silly.”

“Then how can I avoid seeing Trevor and Bill again?”

“That's it, you don't. Your problems stem from our being apart. Or to put it bluntly, a lack of sex.”

“No, not...”

“Hold up, let me finish. It was my fault as much as yours. But you said it yourself. When Bill had sex with you, it gave you a glow.”

“But...”

“No, wait. You have to be honest with yourself. It did give you a glow. And it did ease that frustration; even if you say you weren't aware it was there. And answer me honestly, if it hadn't have been for the guilt you felt when you realised you'd cheated on our marriage, that glow would have been brighter and lasted longer. Wouldn't it?”

“But that's the nub of it. We made vows in church. And I broke mine.”

“Yes. And has the world stopped?”

“Mine has.”

“What? Even now? Still? Even though you know I understand. And I promise it won't affect the way I feel about you?”

“Is that true? You really do forgive me?”

“No. I told you. There is nothing to forgive. You went with Bill. So what? It relieved something that I should have taken care of myself. But it didn't do you any harm. It gave you a glow.”

I threw my arms around his neck and we kissed so passionately. That kissing went on for a while, and if it had not been for my period, I'm sure we'd have been fucking on the living room floor. But as James felt his sap rising, he said, “I think we'd better cool it a little. Otherwise I'll not be able to control my ardour.”

“D'you really mean things are back to where they were before?”

“Not back. We've moved forwards. I'm going to make sure you're ok from now on.”

“You mean, when that job on the farm comes through?”

“Well yes, when that's sorted and they rearrange the shifts at work. But that's a few weeks away. I mean from now until then.”

“I don't understand. How can you? Are you gonna see if you can slip a week to bring your time at home out of line with my period?”

“No. That wouldn't be possible. Dates and schedules for maintenance are worked out months in advance.”

“Then I don't understand how.”

“It’s simple really. Bill.”

“No. You can't mean... Tell me you don't.”

“Why not?”

“After what he did to me?”

“But you said you weren't raped. You said you led him on.”

I didn't like where this was going, and as so much had already been revealed, I thought, sod it! Let's get it all out in the open. “Ok, I guess I'd better tell you all. It wasn't like Trevor got me to agree to yesterday.”

I went on to tell him how it really happened, but although what I told him was true, I didn't describe the whole evening. I explained how I'd been excited and what had taken place with Trevor in their hallway, including stopping him mid-tracks, and him going off for a wank. Then the dog barring my exit, and how I'd had to go to Bill in the back room. Then how he started by wanking in front of me, and progressed to the point where he'd ripped my clothes off.

And I even went on to admit, that once Bill had started in on me, my own libido had taken over, and I'd offered no resistance. And ultimately I was even guilty of egging him on; even if not consciously. And that this cooperation even included letting Trevor have his way with me. But I didn't go into detail and elaborate on the number of times each of them fucked me.

Well all the while I'd been spilling the beans; James had sat silently catching flies with his open mouth. When I finished, he said, “Why didn't you tell me the minute I got home?”

“I couldn't. I was so ashamed.”

“Ok, get your coat; we're going down the police station.”