Breakdown Cover Ch. 02

“Oh no. We're not doing that. I'm not letting this story spread any further than it has already.”

“But we can't let them get away with it.”

“A second ago, you were saying they'd done me a favour.”

“Yes, before I knew you were raped.”

“It wasn't rape.”

“You said they forced you. That's rape.”

“Trevor didn't.”

“What d'you mean?”

“He didn't. He didn't need to. Once Bill had, you know. Well I was in a kind of trance. Maybe like you said before, it had been so long. I didn't fight him.”

“But Bill forced you?”

“Yes, at the beginning. But once he'd started, I guess I just buckled. I knew I couldn't fight him off, and my body just reacted to his... Well, loving.”

“Loving? You mean fucking!”

“Ok, fucking! If that's what you want to call it. I'm not proud of what happened.”

“Oh, God. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be getting angry with you. I'm going over to see Trevor.”

“Please, no violence.”

“There won't be. I'd be stupid to start anything with that dog over there.”

“And no threatening to go to the police. Promise me?”

“Ok, ok.”

James again takes over the story.

My head was again spinning; I'd gone from angry with my wife, first thing this morning. To angry, or at least frustrated with myself during my conversation with Trevor. To being reconciled to us both just being victims of circumstance, but with a meaningful plan to get ourselves out of the mire. And now, here I was, back to my feelings from yesterday, anger at the two scheming men across the road.

Well as I'm now striding up their drive towards their garage, the men in question are looking out towards me. As always, it's Trevor who speaks, “Ah here he is. You're just in time to see Bill try the engine out.” And then he turned to face Bill and as he said, “Ok Bill. See if she fires up.”

I held my arm out, hand facing forwards and face down, as I said, “No. Hold up. That can wait. I've got something serious to discuss with you.”

“Ok hold up there bill.” Then turning back to me, “Is there a problem lad?”

“Too fucking right there is. I want some answers.”

“Ok, let us go in the house.” Then to Bill, “Give us a call if there's anything you need a hand with.” Then as he wiped his hands with a rag, “Come on then lad. Let's see if we can put your mind at rest.”

In his back room, it was like it was before, offering me drinks and sitting down as if going to talk about the football score. But I was fuming, “You're a bloody hypocrite.”

“Steady on there lad. It’s easy to rile a body, but not always as easy to calm it down again. So before things get out of hand, tell me what's happened?”

“You fucked my wife! That's what's happened.”

“I see. So she's told you the whole story?”

“She has. So what have you got to say for yourself?”

“I'll hold my hands up.”

“You admit it?”

“Well yes. The only reason I didn't tell you the whole truth before, was that I realised what a shock it would be for you to accept.”

“But you told me she encouraged your brother, and now I find out he raped her!”

“Oh no. I'm not having that. We both fucked her, and not just once. But there was no force on our part.”

“That's not what my wife says. She says your Bill forced her.”

“Bill wouldn't.”

“Wouldn't, or didn't?”

“Didn't.”

“So why did you say wouldn't?”

“Ok, I wasn't in the room when they started.”

“What? So you're now saying you don't know if he raped her or not?”

“They were already going at it hammer and tongues when I came back down stairs.”

“Yes but you heard her screaming rape! Shirley told me you'd gone up for a wank, and reappeared later when she cried out.”

“There were no cries. And no screaming. And yes I was upstairs with a hard-on. Your wife told you that part?”

“See. I know more about what happened than you thought.”

“No. You don't. You know her version. Did she tell you how excited she was when she arrived? Like I told you yesterday?”

“She did. And she told me that you didn't put her down straightaway, and take her in the back room to cry. So that was all shit.”

“Ok, so she was kissing and excited, then what?”

“You slipped your hands under her skirt, and tried for her snatch.”

“I see. No mention of her saying, slip your hands under my bum?”

“No. She wouldn't.”

“And then once I'd taken her weight, her leaning back to the wall, and as she slid her hand into the tops of my trousers, saying, “Lets see what that fat lump is that was pressing into my tummy?”

“She wouldn't do or say anything of the sort.”

“Look, I'll accept that I only have Bill's word that it was your wife who encouraged him. But as far as what happened to me, and how I reacted to your wife coming-on to me. Well I know what took place, and it wasn't me who started it, or went along with it. The second I felt her hand slipping into the top of my trousers, I dropped her like a hot potato. And as I went up to have a wipe down with a flannel and cold water, she went off on her own to the back room. Yes I was aroused. And yes I wanted to fuck her. But I was shocked. Like I told you before, she wasn't, or I didn't think she was in her right mind. It was only once I'd sponged away my arousal, and was half way down the stairs I heard them. She was yelling at Bill to fuck her harder. And that's the gospel truth. And the sight I saw when I came in here.”

“You're not convincing me. I know my Shirley better than that.”

“Alright. I really didn't want to have to show you this.” At this point he got to his feet, and walked to his sideboard. And as he opened the draw, he said, “When I saw our Bill ploughing into her, I knew there'd be a price to pay. And then, looking on, I thought. Well it's pretty obvious by looking at them, that your lass wasn't being forced. In fact, even without the words of screaming encouragement, her facial expressions showed how keen she was. So I nipped and fetched my camera. Not for anything pervy. Just in case of something of this sort. I didn't show you yesterday, because the pictures are pretty graphic.”

It was now that he handed me six photos. Three with Shirley and Bill. And three with Shirley and him.

After I'd looked at them in disbelief for over a minute, he said, “I'm sorry. You'd have been better off not seeing them. But I couldn't let you go away thinking we'd do anything as low as rape.”

I threw the photos at him, “These prove nothing. She told me that once Bill had forced her to submit, he'd aroused her. And that once things got underway she couldn't stop herself from cooperating.”

“Cooperating! She was the one banging on the drum and carrying the banner. She was rallying the troops and calling them to the colours. I'm sorry lad. As hard as this might be for you. You can't pretend you don't know the score. She just wanted fucking, and there's no easier way to put it.”

“And yet, she says it was Bill who started it.”

“Well it's up to you. You'll likely believe your lass. And I'll believe my brother. But one thing I do know, and that is, that I never slipped my hand under her skirt in the hallway. The only hand slipping was done by your lass, and I marked her cards pretty sharpish.”

“Like you say, I believe her story over yours. So I'll gather all the bits of my mower and take them home. And from now on, I'll thank you to keep away from our property.”

“Why on earth would you say that?”

“I told you. I don't believe your story.”

“So what? The job at the farm, don't you want me to pursue that?”

I'd totally forgotten about the job, but I could hardly go back on what I'd said, just to get my wife a job. “You can stick your job.”

“Have you heard yourself? What on earth has gotten into you? Yes we both fucked your wife, but she knew that all along. Was she upset before? You know she wasn't. You told me so. If you'd not found out about the car, you both still be happy. What's changed from this morning?”

“You raped her.”

“You say. But even if that were true. Which I still maintain, it's not. Raped, forced, or simply fucking a lass in need; she went away happy. Well in part, but the part that troubled her wasn't us fucking her. It was her feeling she'd done wrong. And we talked that one out this morning. You both still need this job, it'll be the saving of your marriage; you know that. And you agreed she needs this rescue plan, to tide her over till the job kicks-in and the shift work is gone. And you, why would you want to deprive our Bill of his pleasure?”

“I didn't agree to her coming over once a week for Bill's pleasure.”

“I wasn't talking about your lass coming over. I was talking about your mower. He's in his element out there. I'll bet that if we go out there now, he'll have your blade reconditioned and ready to start the rebuild.”

“But, I mean. She's adamant that he forced her.”

“For just one moment, think about it from her point of view. How difficult must it be for her to admit she was the one who started it? Now think, even you say she admitted being excited and dishing out kisses. And when I poured cold water on her advances towards me, could you imagine her admitting that to anyone; let alone her own husband. And the photos, they don't lie. No please. Don't turn away. I feel for the lass. I'm not expecting you to tell her you believe our version over hers. But as I've said, even if you pretend to believe her story, ask her point blank. Did the sex she had here hit the spot? I know it did. And so would you if you'd seen her. And if it did, no matter who you believe, you've got to believe a fucking once a week is a good idea." He paused for a few moments, and when I'd not responded, he continued, "Are well I've said my piece. Leave your mower here and which ever way you decide, I'll see that's finished off and returned to you. Free of charge, and no favours owing. And then after you and your lass have slept on it, let us know whether the Friday night sessions are still on. And I'm not being petty when I say, that if those sessions are off, you can forget the job offer.”

“What d'you mean not being petty. That's exactly what that is. Petty revenge; or worse, blackmail.”

“Not at all. I'm putting out the hand of friendship to help both of you out of what has obviously escalated into a very serious problem. But it's like a doctor giving you medicine to help until the operation. But if you don't take the doctor's advice on the medicine, he's not going to want to proceed with the operation; he'll refer you to someone else.”

I didn't even speak; I got to my feet and left without saying goodbye.

Shirley takes over.

James returned after about three quarters of an hour, and as soon as he came in, I asked, “Well did they admit it?”

“Partly.”

“What kind of answer is that?”

“Well Trevor came clean about the fact he'd had sex with you. But they tell a different story to you about how it all got started.”

I was instantaneously overcome with rage, and I'd started to respond before he'd even finished speaking. “Story! Are you saying that what I told you was a made-up story?”

“No. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Of course I believe it happened the way you say it did. All I meant was that Trevor is saying it got started differently to how you told me. But he's obviously lying.”

“So I hope that's an end to that silly idea you were proposing?”

“It could be.”

I snapped, “What d'you mean could be?”

“No please. Don't flare up, let me just reason things through.”

“There's nothing to reason. I don't want anything to do with them.”

“So you won't even let me attempt to get this whole thing into some kind of perspective?”

“You can do what you like, but it won't change my mind.”

“Ok, I'll say no more. But before I drop the subject, I think it's only fair that I tell you I'm disappointed in your reaction. I'd always thought I was the one with a dinosaur attitude.”

“Dinosaur? What on earth are you talking about?”

“No, I've said I'll let it drop, and the last thing I want to do is wind you up any more.”

“Not wind me up! And yet you call me a dinosaur!”

“Not you as such. Just your entrenched attitude and inability to discuss the pro's and con's in a rational manner.”

“Ok Mr modern man, if that's what you want; let's discuss the merits of you sending your wife across the road to be serviced by two neighbours. Maybe I should be put on a maintenance schedule with the lawnmower and the hedge cutter?”

“This isn't like you. You would always discuss things rationally and then we could come to a decision we both agreed on. I think I'll go up and get an early night.”

“Night! It's only just gone six! The kids haven't even come in for their tea yet.”

“I've got an early start and a long drive in the morning. And I didn't get much sleep last night. And besides, it seems that everything I say just riles you more.”

“No please. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be taking my frustration out on you. It's me I'm angry with. And that Trevor. It's as though he's getting everything he wants and all at your expense.”

“Not really.”

“But he is. He knew what he was doing when he looked at my car. A woman on her own. He knew I'd be too humiliated to tell you what had happened.”

“Shirley luv, I'll gladly talk this whole thing through with you, but only if you'll try to see the big picture. Otherwise you'll just get angry with me for seeing it from a different viewpoint.”

“Ok, let me get the kids fed and off to bed, and then we'll talk.”

So an hour and a half later, with the kids gone to bed, and both of us fed, we settled down with a glass of wine. “Ok, I'm calm now; tell me what this big picture is showing you?”

“Ok, but I'm not saying that what I'm going to talk about is the right way, or the only way. I'm just trying to analyze why that event happened last week. And if we can learn lessons from it, to prevent it happening again.”

“But I thought that you were proposing that it should happen again? Regularly!”

“Ah, that's the distinction we need to sort out. The event in question, isn't in itself the problem.”

“I don't get that.”

“Ok, I know I don't normally talk crude, but if we're gonna sort this problem out, I'll need to call a spade a spade; without euphemisms. I've thought about this a lot, and even though it wasn't my initial reaction, I now think, that you getting fucked was not the problem; that is as far as I'm concerned. And if you're really honest, deep down, the fucking itself wasn't a problem for you either. In fact, it was very much the opposite.”

“No. I'm sorry; I can't let that go unchallenged. I was mortified.”

“Not about the fucking you weren't. Even you admitted that once Bill got his hands onto you, you lost control.”

“But I couldn't help that.”

“And I'm not saying you should have. The fucking wasn't the problem. The real problems were: one, Bill forcing you into a situation where he knew your inner needs would override your moral code. And two, because you have that moral code, and realised you'd broke it; that was what created this burden of guilt you're crippling yourself with.”

We both sat silent for nearly a minute, and then he said, “Just imagine this scenario. They'd repaired your car, like they did. You were delighted, like you were. And due to my work commitments, and my ignorance of your needs, it had been ages since we'd made love, like it was. But with one exception. We'd come to an understanding that it was the love between us that mattered; and that physical sex was just a small part of that love. Of course, if I'd been perceptive enough to have realised that, and also your physical need, then I'd never have let you go so long without. But just for my little exercise now, think about going to see Trevor and having no qualms about sex. As if sex was a staple of life. Like food or drink. Which if you analyze it, for adults, it is; if you want to keep healthy and sane. Now be really honest, wouldn't you have fucked them until they'd run out of steam, and them trotted back home as happy as the cat who'd just lapped up the cream?”

“And the next day, when I saw them across the road? Would I just wave a friendly hello, and talk about the weather?”

“If you'd just shared a cup of tea with them, instead of sex, then that would be a normal reaction. So why not with sex. Surely it's as necessary a part of normal life as them?”

“I can't see you convincing many people at the local church.”

“Have you been to church since we got married?”

“Tracey's wedding.”

“Exactly. Our church wedding was like most peoples, a social occasion. Neither of us believes in god. Or at least, not in those old fashioned commandments. It's our love that matters. And it's because I love you, that I don't want you to go without. Not food, nor drink, and not sex. Surely that makes sense?”

“Ok, so what if I go down the village pub, I'll bet I can find a young buck down there that'd gladly take me out to a gateway down a deserted lane and satisfy any cravings I've got.”

“Is that what you want? A young stud?”

“No. But what would be the difference?”

“For one thing, you'd get yourself a reputation. Secondly, who knows what you might pick up? And thirdly, the premise was to sate a need. Not a whim or fancy.”

“So why don't any of those apply to Trevor and Bill?”

“They say they'll keep quiet, and nobody needs to know you've gone over there. It's not like meeting someone in a pub. And as they're not running around town chasing every bit of skirt they see, I can't imagine they're likely to be carrying anything nasty. And lastly, I can't see you having romantic fantasies about two middle aged men. It would have to be satisfying a need, not an affection of the heart.”

“So you're deadly serious about this?”

“I'm seriously asking you to think it through.”

“And if I say no?”

“Well I wouldn't attempt to force you. But if anything along the same lines ever cropped up again, I guess I'd know it wasn't just a sex thing.”

“Just sex. So what would be worse?”

“Haven't you understood a word? Trust. You didn't break our trust when you went with them, you were forced or coerced. And if you got raped, I'd feel the same way. You wouldn't be tainted or spoilt. But if you had a liaison, and all you did was kiss; I'd feel betrayed.”

“I understand most of that, but I can't get my head around you encouraging me to have sex with them; especially as you can see I'm against it. And even more so now, with the offer of a job that will enable you to give up your shift work.”

“Ah, well. There might be a little hiccup there.”

“Why?”

“Well Trevor says he won't pursue that job if you're not interested in this idea.”

“Blackmail! Well that settles it. I'm definitely not going over there.”

“No, it's not like that. Trevor says not seeing them each week, is like refusing to take the medicine that the doctor prescribes to tide you over until your operation. And in that situation if you're not prepared to help yourself, the doctor will then refuse to do the operation itself.”

“So do I take it you agree with that analogy?”

“No. You're right. I think the same as you. They obviously enjoyed having you last week, and they're using their position as an intermediary to persuade you to let them have you again. But even though they're not providing this service out of the goodness of their hearts, this in no way diminishes anything I've said about the benefits that a weekly visit to their house would bring you. If I'm completely wrong, and you really didn't enjoy being fucked by them, then tell me that now?”

“I can't. You know that. But it just feels wrong.”

“I suppose there's no point in me asking if the period is cleared up yet?”

“No. I'm sorry. But it isn't too bad. I mean I could maybe slip an old towel under me. If you wanted to give it a try?”

“No, perhaps not.”

Then all of a sudden a thought struck me. “Hang on minute. If I'm so much in need of relief, what about you?”