All Comments on 'Britney, Teen Hypnotic Sex Slave'

story

I didn't like how Sam just vanished towards the end, never to be heard of again.... :( other than that, it was alright :\

Really great, particularly in the middle, but I agree with my fellow Anon's comment about Sam's disappearance. Also, and I hate to be so blunt, but the sudden ending is pretty awful. Drag it out a bit longer--it's a sex party, not cum-and-done!

An interesting and mildly erotic story, but it is awfully demeaning to women. You should write a story where both men and women are hypnotized and have a massive orgy. Go into more detail about the undressing and foreplay.

I agree with the other guy. I feel as if Sam should be in the end too. And many you should have asked SAM if HE wanted to join the sex party. And not have a sudden ending. But otherwise it was ok PS it took 2 minutes to write this because I was checking for mistakes. PPS I am only 11. >:(

i think the story was perfect except too bad not longer. As far as demeaning to women...thats silly. For one, they are hypnotized so it frees them from being held accountable for being slutty. Also, its a turn on to most of us women to think that men would find them attractive enough actually hypnotize or rape them. That said, that is just fantasy. Not a situation any women would actually want to happen for real. The other part that turns me on is the older man element...that's just me though.

So my advice is to keep up the good work ...

Barbara

This story started out with great potential, but somehow it went off the track, possibly with the addition of the father character. I'm sure you had good intentions, but for me, they didn't pay off, and usually I love your contributions to this site. This time, it seems like you just ran out of ideas.Sorry Master Hypnotist, but you let me down.

YOMEYO

That's what it seems like to me. The hypnotism takes away the girls' will just like a date rape drug, turning them into receptacles rather than people. It's shabby and disgusting to rape someone in a trance.

This was two different stories written on only two pages. None of the characters were very well developed. Melissa was simply introduced in the final lines of the story and fucked. The end. Sam simply took Brittney and their seemed to be no affection from him, though she fell in love with 'Master' sam. It is illustrated that, though Brit obeys completely, she is hurt that Sam gives her up to Mr. Lawrence. It seems that Sam really is a chip off the old block. He is just as much of an asshole as his father. Rotten story.

It can be a life changing force and unlike drugs, you cannot get addicted to it.

People do not use each other's names in direct address. No one says,

"Well Bill, it sure is hot out today."

"It certainly is, Mary. Let's fuck."

When writers do that, it's a cheat. They don't want to say, "said Bill," or "he said," but it's always wrong. Although I enjoy this genre and have used it in real life (just kidding nsa), it made the story unreadable for me.

Best of luck with your writing,

TJ