All Comments on 'Brittany & Jon: Anniversary Ch. 01'

Nice story TabooTeller, Indeed I hope very soon the next chapter

because this story could go in the wimp husband direction and be totally spoiled.

wil watch for the rest, but please don't make him a wimp who shops his wife around. That scenario is so unreal it is silly.

I can see this story could go different directions, but given the type of stories this author writes, I have a feeling that the ending will be acceptable by most readers.

I'm not sure information was given how the tape got into the hand of the husband.

I was somewhat irritated with the constant denial of the wife that the person on the screen was not her. But then the other chapters will shed some light on this, I'm sure.

Looks like a pretty good beginning of a story, the remaining chapters will tell the tale.

I thought it was a bit lengthy and detailed for the amount of information received so far. It's going to be interesting to see how her girlfriends will get her out of this.

Brittany is reliving he wedding night. Jon has something elso on his mind with the dvd's showing her in a different light. Go tiger.

Brittany is reliving he wedding night. Jon has something elso on his mind with the dvd's showing her in a different light. Go tiger.

They are both virgins and yet they are behaving like they have years of experience.

You are an unbelievably BAD writer!

What could be a good / bad story is worse for your mangling English.

That's why Literotica offers to hook you up with editors for free. Then we can laugh at you for writing a moronic story; instead of laughing at you for writing like a moron.

I have no idea what I read...and to think there are five more to stumble through...I don't think so.

Fuck me, couldn't get past the first half of this chapter, get a fucking editor!

and everything to anybody. TK U MLJ LV NV

She may or may have not been that drunk. Didn't she let an old BF feel her up at the wedding reception? What a ditz!

another cocksucking fag posting dumb cuck SHIT.

Or when you go back and firtn in the story's time, TELL US WHAT THE FUCK TIME IT IS!!

Minus 100 Stars

How many.more.lies will he find.our about? I have a bad feeling about Tommy.

or editor

I thought that you said you had one. It does not look like that

Wow!!

Whoever your editor is/was sack them, they failed miserably and your story suffers as a consequence

So far a 3/5

I stopped reading in the first paragraph. You wrote: “She was a petite, young woman, who looked almost too skinny, with an oval shaped face. Her hair which was very blond was currently shoulder length.” First, order of thoughts makes a difference. Because you put the “oval shaped face” in the final part of the sentence, it read as though her oval shaped face made her look skinny. You should’ve written, “She was a young, petite woman with an oval face, who looked almost too skinny.” Now you can see her, without the painful and awkward sentence structure hiding a simple statement.

The next sentence was almost as bad. "Her hair which was very blond was currently shoulder length.” What is a description if not current? Let’s try it again. “Her very blonde hair was shoulder length.” A much more active sentence, not surrounded by drivel.

Anyhow, when I read a tale with such poor choices, I rewrite the sentences as I read. Unfortunately, that makes me disengage from the tale, and rather than digest more of it, I quit while I was ahead. 2 stars in the hope that the writing improved.

You need a decent proof reader/editor fast. If not, quit writing! What’s the difference between ‘than’ and ‘then’……. Find out! Time frames very confusing too, decide on one and stick to it unless you make it clear to us readers.

Acute tale of innocence, and first times, or it was supposed to be…

Enjoying the story. Thanks!

Everything above care of speech to text