All Comments on 'Brotherly Love Ch. 03 of 03'

But a very interesting tale. It's just a shame he found out the truth about his brother.

I apologize for the delay in posting this third chapter. I made several errors in writing this chapter and had to repost twice to this site. Before it was acceptable to the site editors. That was all my fault, I am still learning how to take best advantage of all the resources Literotica offers.

As much as anything, this story was an experiment in writing style. A chronic complaint I have noticed, about other stories, is the reader's confusion at not being able to separate past, present, future or speech from thoughts. That is why I tried several different things. Clearly dating flashbacks from present events. The use of italics for character's non-verbal thoughts.

I gather some readers did not appreciate the effort. Sorry, I'm not sure how else to differentiate these plot points. If anyone of you has a suggestion to offer how to do this better, please share, I am willing to consider other people's ideas.

I write the stories first and then go back and see if adding a sex scene will strengthen the storyline or expand our understanding of the characters involved. That is why the sex scene at the beginning of Chp. 1, to introduce Robert and Megan as a loving couple.

That is why the flashback to sex between Charles and Yvonne in Chp, 2, to give us the background of the disaster that an innocuous fucking can cause. One small pebble that triggers an avalanche. Their relationship would spread havoc among innocent people for years to come.

Please feel free to comment any opinions or suggestions or I would hope, clever insults. They would all be appreciated.

- fanfare -

Conversations were stilted, they didn't flow. An example is where Meg talked about the "doctor consultations" where most people would say "doctor visit" or even shorter by saying "the doctor". It felt like your characters were too formal, even in their own thoughts.

I suggest you rehearse the conversations before putting them to print.

Once he learns the English language it will "change nothing between your mother and me." The author might try looking up "object of a preposition" in any fifth grade grammar book.

Drivel like this, on the other hand, is unadulterated artsy-fartsy bullshit.

Impossible to follow, badly written, just a mess.

I am sorry I could not understand your story well. I understood the first chapter, but the second and third chapters were very difficult to me.

Ok so the author has a dictionary and likes to look up big words. It made the story almost impossible to read and I knew all the words. Come on man what are you a butler for the queen? Normal people don't talk that way. He actually used the word conception with his 8 year old son and acts like the kid knows what he means. BS!!!

What word would you use for conception, that's what I thought, you don't have a fucking clue - moron. If you understood the words, that's what matters. The story was written so YOU could understand it, not an eight year old boy.

The word selection was just fine.

Ignore cantdoanythingright his lack of perception is legendary.

Doing the flashbacks the way you did distracted from the story, it was too hard to follow. Oh and put away the dictionary and stop using words like 'deleterious' no one says that out loud let alone thinks it when they've done something wrong. Also who the fuck talks to an 8 year old about conception?

the endless bouncing back and forth in time, the story was easy to understand (even by skimming). The story's downfall was that it is dry and dreary No juice, fanfare.

This is one dumb ass story why in the hell would you tell a 8 year old boy something like. I have just wasted my time reading this BULLSHIT. Thanks for nothing!!!!!!!!

But I enjoyed the story. It was a little Steinbeck-ish in that it tended to ramble, but it was also very emotionally deep.

For all the DUMBASS anons out there, instead of just reading the stories on lit, get your eyes off the computer screen and into a REAL story/book by a REAL author like Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, E. A. Poe, Dickens, Tolkein and many others. After you read and understand some of their writings, THEN you can come back here and try to understand an excellent story like this one.

Fanfare--keep writing. this story shows you are not catering to the porn crowd--stories purely about sex--you are writing stories about relationships where the sex is incidental. Brotherly Love shows how a family SHOULD relate to one another. Unfortunately, a relationship such as theirs could only happen in a perfect world, as much as we would like to think of all our relationships as perfect.

But it was a little over done.

I understand the value of the progressive flashbacks but, some of them were repetitious. Some of the descriptions surrounding various circumstances were overdone too, almost as if you were trying to convince the readers of your pretentiousness. For example, the descriptions of the wines during an event that happened almost a decade ago. Who would remember that stuff?

@ Cantbuymy. Dude. Get over yourself. Meg never said she was raped. She said she didn't remember. She was talking about a guy who had a history of drugging and raping women. Why would she remember? And no, Rob isn't dead. Charles is dead.

I agree though, an eight year old should never be told something l like that. There is no way he would find out the truth so he should only be told when he's older, after being surrounded all his life with tales about what a wonderful man his uncle Charlie is. But he should also, at that time, be told that his mother was raped, not that she made a mistake. That story of a drunken mistake would forever colour his vision of his mother.

the tale is well thought out but the language is stilted and the structure faulty

Which is a lot better than 100% of not very much. The style is interesting & mostly works well with small glitches. The issues dealt with and the plotting of those issues are superb.

Basically, there are two types of stories on Literotica. The first type solely aims at libido/gratification – which can mean long descriptions of sex or accounts of the degradation of women who dare to reject or disregard the male hero.

The second type attempt to address issues connected with love and sex as an integral part of the story. Curiously, stories of this this second type are often the most erotic – as well as being much better stories. Such stories do not necessarily have to be serious or even directly address the issue – the issues can merely be part of the fabric.

This story is firmly of the second kind & deals very well with really uncomfortable issues to do with parentage and more significantly with the human issues involved in how the people come to terms with and deal with the situation.

Well done indeed

I want to express my appreciation for all the commentary. Even the insults were mildly amusing. Though I am disappointed that they tend to lack a literary quality.

For those criticisms that one should not be honest with young children, I strongly disagree. They are a lot more emotionally attuned and have overheard a lot more of the adult conversations then most adults are comfortable admitting. I think many people take comfort in forgetting much of their childhoods. I wish I could.

Of course knowledge is not understanding. Children hear and see many things that they do not understand. Their observations lack context and background. An example in my own life was when I was about nine or ten years old. My father was U.S. Army, we were living in the huge base outside Heidelberg, Germany.

And there were several serious war scares, one after another. One night, just before my father had to join a field unit, my parents sat down with myself and my oldest sister. She was nearly a year younger then me. They explained what was happening. Let's face it, the Soviet Army was just a few hours of horror from us. Knowing there was no way to get the Allied Military dependents away, my parents had made their own arrangements.

They had befriended several local German farm families. It was explained to me and my sister that if an attack was imminent, our mother would take us and our younger brothers and sisters and distribute us among their friends. Then my mother, with the latest baby would try to get to Holland and her own father's relatives. If possible, from there to Ireland to wait out the war. Afterwards, hopefully she would be able to return and search if any of us hidden children had survived.

And in case you think this was the worst possible thing to tell children, I know from my own life experience since then, the terrible, the horrible things people do to each other and to children. If you find this incomprehensible, I suggest you turn off your computer, you crawl out of your mother's basement and learn to face real life that is not pixellated!

But I'm not sure even an editor could save it. Your writing "style" (if that's what it can be called) makes reading your story difficult. Next time try to take into account that this isn't the Literary Club, it's a porn site. And you aren't J.D.Salinger.

However, I also realize it is easier to criticize then to create.

This author has not written a story which has a rating of 4.70+, yet he/she(?) harangues other authors' stories which are popular through snide comments. Jealous much?

ch.01 good

ch.02 so-so

ch.03 best of the 3

funny the previous "anon" commentator , should mention fanfare comments on other Authors storys , that was how i discovered fanfare's profile

thing is ,the comments i have seen made by fanfare ...were primarily aimed at vitriolic "anon" Haters&Flamers . , not the Author of the work or the story being commented upon .

then again ,i am biased .. i enjoy fanfare's storys .

xxxhugsxxx

Loved the style and asides. A little confusing with the flashbacks being repeated, but ok.

........ that , sometimes, pulls you through.

I liked the maturity in their relationship, throughout the series.Robert's acceptance of Megan's rape & the truth about the parentage of his son demands maturity. Similarly, sustaining a long term relationship with your hubby's old lover , who also happens to be the mother of their child , is not easy.

A nice message. Thanks.

EVERY TRUTH HAS A PLACE & TIME.

I read your comment & beg to differ. 8 years is too young an age to 'healthily' accept & understand the complexities of life.

Besides,if revealing the truth is so important,why reveal 'half truths'? Do parents have a right to do so?

["Dearest Megan, you are a superior person for accepting the blame upon yourself to protect Byron. Together, you and I, could ease him into knowing the better qualities of my brother."]

Is it wise ,for a parent, to falsely 'tarnish' a mother's image ,in the eyes of the children, for a dead 'father'.

Sorr, but whilst I really enjoyed CH 1, I found the next two progressively more & more boring. Your use of flashbacks to give an insight into the history of the problem that faced Your Family was overdone & for me became irritating which then made Your Tale unenjoyable . Notice the capital letters, stupid are they not; well, why use them then. At the end of CH 1 I was looking forward to the rest, by the end of CH 3 I was grateful it was over. Should have much shorter, I think you fell into the mistake of thinking more is better. 2. **

There was too much verbiage that didn't advance the story and the father was a bit too saintly. I also think the child was too young to have been told, so we disagree there. For the rest of his life he will now be comparing his treatment to that of his siblings and seeing if he comes up short . . . and chances are, he will finds things that tell him that. Both mother and father will, perhaps only subconsciously, alter their behavior toward him (a child of rape). They basically just screwed with the kid's perception of his family . . . forever.

If you would drop the bullshit literary affections.

I think there is a fairly good story in there somewhere, but this one wasn't easy to read or to follow (all the 'flashbacks').

An intelligent author would have had Meg get an abortion.

not a bad story but the jumping around in time was extremely distracting and really took away from the quality of the tale

Geezus jumpin' Christ!

Perhaps you are going to retroactively abort a child of 8?

At the time that the rape was confirmed, present time in the story, the son was in school -

Admitted, with all of the flashbacks keeping the time line coherent was difficult, but not impossible... but still, you miss his feelings of accomplishment when he thought he had his son, and miss almost all of the feelings in the story.

Before posting, please check on the factual matters of the story.

Green-something

different stories have different reading levels, this one was pretty high. Since it is just a story, we can cut the author some slack. Had the author told boy ay 18, a lot of the complaints go away. This may be cultural, too, Americans are probably over protective of children, Brits may be more aware 'it ain't as bad as you think'

Enjoyed the story. Wish you wrote more

Chilley

Fanfare's comment on another author's story indicating he liked it when love and respect were shown, is what led me to his submissions and this story, the first I read. This story goes along with liking love and respect.

The BIG PROBLEM. I have read thousands of stories on Literotica, including some wordy and verbose ones. This one takes the (booby?) prize. By skimming/scanning/jumping I probably read fewer than half the words and still easily followed the plot. For example, the whole Yvonne episode could have been deleted or reduced to a couple paragraphs. The worst is repeating whole sections (for example, describing the rape and following), as if thinking we readers were too dumb to remember. I wonder if the story could be reduced to one chapter and still carry the plot well. The reason I kept wading through all the verbiage was to get to what happened next -- in other words the plot.

I read all the comments on Ch. 03. It was Cleardaynow who pointed out what I was missing in my frustration, namely, the story has a very good, interesting plot with original features to it. For this I salute fanfare. This plot is also carried out with fafare's desire for love and respect, by the husband having understanding and respect toward his raped wife, and not wishing to unnecessarily excoriate his dead brother.

Chilleywilley liked it, which is an opinion I respect.

I agree with the comments disliking the deception and/or lies to other family members, including the son. To say nothing -- OK. To skew the facts -- not good.

Inescu did a good job in showing that the 8 year old was too young to be told, although he does not mention the slur on mom that the deception entails.

Another unrelated problem that I did not find in the comments. How is it possible to know what Charles did -- even thought -- during and after the rape of Megan? And about the crash (suicide?), for example the speed of 150 km? Robert tells the story first person POV (point of view), and is not even aware his brother is a rapist till years later. So how is he privy to details of a dead person's actions and thoughts during his last rape and subsequent death?

I like the designation of parts of the series as, for example, Ch. 01 of 03, clearly designating the number in the series and which I am reading. I wish all Literotica series were like this.

The reason I give this bombastic verbosity 2 stars is because it had an interesting plot with interesting, well-defined characters.

Paul in Oklahoma

The story.never really for for.me. I just really never got.into it.

An interesting plot that rolls down hill from the first chapter.

In response to a previous commenter, why would she get an abortion if she didn't know she was raped? I'm surprised you didn't add some type of 'cuck shit' response..

It's commenters like that, that help me realize how our current president was elected into office.

Well done, but it has gaps. Why was any DNA testing performed at that particular juncture? Then two women accost Robert, thinking him Charles, years earlier and several years after conception... and Robert suddenly suspects his wife? If even family members had trouble telling the brothers apart, why would that one incident stick in his mind and call his wife’s fidelity into question? Something else had to be involved, some other incident involving his wife, or his brother saying something about Megan.

Make up your mind.

Brother became piece of shit.

Drug and then when drunk suddenly trgrrty?!

Get real. Hoped I hadn't wasted my time but realized it was learning experience.

When start can just go to comments if need to see if it is going to get better or just flush.

jtwheels

Stupid

Mine boy girl girl boy girl girl

Does that mean next would be boy again

Stupidity has no cure

Fucking awful….what makes it so bad is the buried amongst the almost incoherent storytelling and incompetent writing was a solid idea for a story.

.

1 *

⭐

interesting, well written. amazing plot

A better than average storyline. Perhaps the reason it has scored so low is that it is written in a an unfamiliar conservative form of English, rather than American English. This conclusion is based on the unscientific assumption that most readers are like the writers on this site and are from USA, or else they learned Hollywood English in their home countries.

I think the constant flashbacks and fast forwarding just made the story too disjointed, even though they were all clearly marked and easily identifiable.

For me, they detracted from the story rather than adding anything to it.

God you were pompous. Your writing screams entitlement and arrogance. Thank God you left.

No

Too easy to lie convinced that's the right thing!

Not happening

The truth will set you free.

Lies will bind you forever