Charade Ch. 02

I had the presence of mind to rise with him and walk him to the door. I watched him striding down the hall and then I returned to my desk after asking Gail to make sure that I wasn't disturbed. I had a lot to think about.

"Kim, Kim," I said to myself. "Kim is actually here in Tampa," and I felt my pulse rate go up and my breathing quicken. I knew the questions that I had to ask myself and answer. What did I feel for Kim? Did I still love her? These were questions that I had avoided even thinking about for years, but now they demanded answers. I'm not a fool, I was not going to lie to myself. I knew that I loved Kim, but I loved the Kim that I had married. What did I feel for this new Kim, the Kim who was a physician, who was now, what?.......in her mid 40s? I knew that I had to see her, meet her, speak with her.

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Bernie and I kept in touch. I made it my business to visit with him and Kate in their home in Naples and was both relieved and sorry that Kim was not there. I wanted to see Kim, but I was fearful. Fearful of what I would feel, or perhaps what I would not feel. I was a mess.

One Saturday morning Kate called and asked me to come down for the day. It was sunny and hot and I had a few bathing suits there. I stuffed a clean shirt in a bag and it was a pleasant drive down I-75. It didn't take long before I let myself into the front door called out their names. Moving into the large sun room at the rear of the house, I saw Kim standing by the sliding glass doors. My breath caught in my throat. She was about 20 feet away from me, silhouetted by the sun, but I knew it was her.

My mind immediately went back through the years; she hadn't seemed to have changed. Still trim, taut and well groomed. I moved to her and we stood gazing at each other.

"Kim," I said softly.

"Hello, Jerry. It's good to see you." and she extended a hand.

I took it and we shook, as if we were strangers meeting for the first time, and in a sense we were.

"Jerry," Kim continued. "We didn't mean to "trick" you by my coming here today. I pleaded with my parents to allow me to do this. I really wanted to see you. I hope that you're not angry with me or with them."

"No, no, of course not," I said reassuringly. "It's nice to see you again also, Kim. You look lovely," I then said impulsively. I was strangely pleased to see her color and smile briefly.

We moved into the solarium and took seats at a white wicker arrangement around a low, glass topped coffee table. Our conversation at first was clumsy, halting at time and filled with longer than necessary pauses. But that didn't really last long. After a few false starts we both chuckled, realizing how awkward this was and then we both relaxed a bit. The conversation started to flow more easily, Kim telling me about her career and I giving her some information about what I had been doing over the past few years. She already knew about Mary; I gathered that Bernie and Kate had shared that with her.

My mind was operating on two levels. On a conscious plane, I participated in our conversation, innocuous as it was. On another, I was examining Kim and trying to get a sense of her as a person. Despite her added years, she still looked great. She was dressed casually in a cotton polo and a pair of khaki shorts which showed off her tanned legs which still put most to shame. Her hair was shorter than I remembered and there were faint lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth. She looked terrific.

But it was her eyes that were different. There was a calm there, a maturity, a sense of confidence and tranquility that I had never seen.

This was a self-assured, highly skilled professional, comfortable in her own skin. This was not the Kim I had courted and married, nor was it the Kim that I had divorced and left. This was a whole, new woman. And I realized that she was a woman that I wanted to get to know.

We spent the day talking, having lunch which she prepared, and lazing by the pool. I felt myself warming to her on different levels. I was attracted to this woman for the same reasons that attracted me when we were young. But she was so much more now. It was almost dusk when I realized the time.

"Kim, would you like to have dinner with me?" I asked hopefully.

She smiled, "Jerry, I would love to, but I'm due at the Center tonight. Can we make it tomorrow?"

We did, and we have been "dating" for the past two weeks. Is "dating" the proper word? I knew that I loved Kim, I guess I have always loved her; and I loved the woman she has become even more. Does she feel the same about me? We really haven't even begun to discuss such intimate subjects. We were just "dating" as "friends." The only physical contact we have had were soft kisses to end an evening. Where will this end? I really don't know for sure, but I'm hopeful.

The End

(Sad little serenade
Song of my heart's composing
I hear it still, I always will
Best on the bill
Charade)