Christian College Sex Comedy Ch. 24

"That's right; someone's ass is about to be set," Rio snorted.

Mercy placed a hand on Rio's shoulder. Rio looked over her shoulder at her lover. "Hey, what's with the hand?"

Mercy withdrew it. "If you were trying to annoy me, it worked. I cannot begin to describe how annoyed I am right now." There was no heat to Rio's words and no hiding Mercy's smile. I had to smile too. I walked back to an impatient Ginger but I had to dissuade her from further frolicking. We weren't going to get Mercy's tattoo done in a day but she'd be happier if the process was well on its way.

THE PARTY

Adelaide's husband turned out to be a short, skinny black guy named Hank. He worked at a bicycle shop in town and had a certain awkward humor to him. Finn was as friendly and out-going as Ginger, about my height but a bit thinner. I really would have liked the guy if he hadn't started heavily hitting on Barbie Lynn the moment we left the water tower and headed for the warehouse.

I was scoping out Adelaide's and Hank's reactions to Finn's would be move; Ginger was wide-eyed and aghast. Since Ginger had done some flirting with me, I was willing to give the guy some leeway. Rio wasn't; she looked over her shoulder, saw what was going on, and with her arm around Mercy's waist, turned back to him.

"Hey, Finn," Rio grinned. "What do you think of a little four-way action?"

"Cool," Finn nodded, "but we might want to include Ginger."

"Might? Oh, I was planning on including her," Rio beamed. "Come on, Barbie Lynn." Rio untangled Barbie from Finn, then the three moved to surround Ginger. Finn followed, grinning like a man possessed.

"No, you don't," Rio put a hand up to stop him. "Four-way means four." She adopted the aspects of a vicious shark -- "and that would be Ginger, Barbie Lynn, Mercy and me -- and not you."

"Oh, come on," Finn joked.

"Next time, respect your girlfriend" -- Rio bit back a biting insult -- "Finn."

"What's your problem?" he gazed at Rio. "I'm only fooling around a bit."

"If she wants, Ginger can 'only fool around' with us for a bit, then, because what is fair is fair; right?" Rio teased.

"Whatever," Finn shrugged. "Come on, Ginger," he motioned her toward him. Rio wrapped her arm around Ginger from one side and Barbie Lynn reached around for her hip on the other.

Ginger spent several seconds thinking it over.

"I'm good, Finn. It is a party so relax," Ginger smirked as she put one arm around Barbie and Rio each. "We are here for a good time and I think I'm on the right track."

"Fuck," Finn cursed. He turned and looked speculatively at Brandi.

"Can you do twenty-five push-ups with your penis alone?" Brandi questioned salaciously. "Can you map out ten of my erogenous zones with your fingers? How about this: Can you lick your eyebrows with your tongue, or maybe tell the difference between a girl wanting a cuddle, ice cream, or a hard screw?"

"Huh?" Finn gaped. Okay, I was right there with him because Brandi's sexual experience consisted of blowjobs, cunnilingus, and heavy petting, so where did this Playboy quiz come from? I also quickly checked to see if I can actually lick my eyebrows -- I can't. I figured it was about time for me to step up. In theory, Ginger and Finn might still have a future.

"Yo, it's okay," I told Finn as I put an arm around his shoulder. "They are busting my balls all the time. Worst case scenario is the one hundred and fifty college girls who are going to be pretty wild in an hour or so." I now had to decide if Finn was pissed with me or not.

"I'd be an idiot to ignore the guy who has been with more girls in one month than I've been with my entire life," Finn chuckled. "Let's go."

Finn was a well-meaning idiot. I could live with that, and I imagined that Ginger would forgive him too. I'm not sure what he thought when Iona snuggled into my side but he was clearly amused when Paige opted for an unexpected piggy-back ride from me. I was lucky I didn't take a header into the sidewalk.

"Giddy-up," Paige urged me on once it was clear I wasn't going to crash.

"Hey, you are that hot Siberian number," Finn chuckled. I'm beginning to think that some mega-computer virus has wiped out all other porn on the internet so that mine is the only one left. That's ridiculous; if you wiped out all of the porn on the internet, it would implode.

"I am a multi-cultural creature of untapped sensuality," Paige replied. "I prefer not to be tied down to one geographic region, no matter how vast."

"She likes to get tied down, alright," Opal called out.

"Ha-ha," Paige responded dryly. "Zane and I have a mature relationship based on the mutual exchange of information and imagination."

"Addy, these people are -- bizarre," Hank told Adelaide.

"Usually they think we are nuking futs," Rio laughed over her shoulder at them. As she looked forward, she caught sight of someone crossing the street. "Hey, Valarie."

"Hey, gang," Valarie panted as she joined the troop we had assembled.

"I'm glad you could make it, Valarie." I gave her a quick hug. "This guy is Finn and the lady by Rio is his girlfriend Ginger. The couple keeping a wary distance from us is Hank and Adelaide; they are married. Ginger and Adelaide work at the store we bought our party-wear at."

"Okay -- so Vivian, what are you doing here?" Valarie asked Vivian.

"I've never been to a party, and I honestly can't evaluate the depravity unless I've witnessed it," Vivian said thoughtfully.

"Depravity?" Hank questioned.

"They are all from a Christian school, Hank," Adelaide reminded him. Hank nodded.

The conversation abruptly ended as we approached one of the few warehouse doors that wasn't bricked up. I knocked and a character opened it up halfway. I call him a character because he was wearing a red toboggan, black shades (it was nearly ten at night), a faded army jacket and camouflage pants, and black boots. He was also, like, five-four and maybe 140 lbs., hardly what I would have envisioned as a bouncer.

"Comet," I told him. He nodded but looked over my crowd. "We are with Freedom Fellowship," I explained.

"Yeah, man," the doorman grinned, "I know ya." The guy was totally wasted, and by that I mean I could have told him I was the Pink Fairy Princess and he'd still have let me in.

Once inside we saw we were in a hallway with a series of opaque plastic-strip baffles that had been put up to dampen the noise. Rio led the charge with her 'women' linking hands and rushing ahead. Finn, Brandi and Opal charged after them, leaving Valarie, Vivian, Paige, Iona, Adelaide, Hank and I picking up the rear.

"Party much?" I asked Hank.

"Zane, this is the first party I've been to since my senior prom -- five years ago. You?" he replied.

"Never one like this," I answered. "Believe it or not, I've been a missionary for the past few years."

"I know; it is on your site," Hank informed me.

"Seriously?" I grumbled. "What in the hell is the fascination with the damn thing?"

"That chick Finn was hitting on -- dude, you've seen her naked. Do you really have to ask?" Hank grinned. Now that he mentioned it, I realized we weren't the normal flavor of porn stars.

"What about the rest of us?" Paige inquired.

"Sorry," Hank squeezed Adelaide to him, "but I like my women with some meat on their bones." Adelaide, while not Barbie-built, was definitely rubenesque. "Zane, thanks by the way."

"Meh, just remember, if they catch you, tell them nothing and think of England," I joked.

"What?" Valarie smirked. "No rescue mission?"

"Sorry, folks, but it is us cowards and fuzzy animals first," I informed them gravely. "The rest of you must fend for yourselves."

"My hero," Vivian groaned as she rolled her eyes. With that, we entered the main warehouse floor and were blasted by the sound and the lights.

Hank and Adelaide peeled off first, giving one final salute. Iona grabbed Paige and dragged her off right after that, followed by Valarie giving me a slap on the back and picking yet another direction. There was no sign of the first wave that had gone in but they could have been twenty feet away and I couldn't have detected them. I led Vivian over to a side wall rapidly.

"What happens if I roll up your top and lick your nipples?" I nearly yelled in her ear due to the overwhelming noise.

"I kill you in your sleep," she shouted back a moment later -- "painfully."

"What about if I roll up my shirt and you lick my nipples?" I countered.

"Does anyone else notice?" Vivian asked.

"No," I allowed.

"Then I kill you in your sleep -- painfully," she laughed.

"Now that we have that out of the way, why don't you go out and have some fun?" I suggested.

"Fine, but if I call you, I expect you to meet me at the water tower in ten minutes, got it, Mister?" Vivian insisted. I gave her a nod and we parted ways.

I moved my way through the crowd, rubbing against bodies, kissing and being kissed. I was also offered a brownie, three drinks, two glow sticks, and an offer to decorate my face in fluorescent paint.

I was settling into the reality that this was primal, passionate fun. I wasn't sexing anyone up and no one was being overtly sexual with me. I reveled in the moment, right until a girl came up offering condoms. It was an understandable gesture with so many inhibitions breaking down around us.

"Here, have a condom," the girl said with bubbly enthusiasm. I took it and thanked her. I wasn't planning to have sex but you never know.

The girl stayed close by and handed out the rest of the box she carried. I had half-turned to dance with a fascinating Hispanic girl who had decided that a bikini bottom and spirals of yellow and blue florescent paint was cover enough. She kept playfully swatting me with the long braid of her black hair. She was sharing the love with a few other partiers around us so it was all good.

Condom girl put a hand on my shoulder and gently turned me to face her.

"Want to use that condom now?" she grinned. I had to think quickly.

"I have a three-inch penis and I find it highly embarrassing," I leaned in and confessed to her. Hey, my 'scare them with anal sex' thing had worked so abysmally for me last time that I was changing things up. I wasn't sure exactly how this new strategy could go wrong.

The girl kept smiling at me (I was now pretty sure she was on something), pulled me close by a belt loop, and shoved a hand down my jeans. Of course -- an on-sight inspection -- how could I have been so stupid so as to not foresee this as the logical progression of events?

"Oh, God," she moaned, "It's bigger than my wrist and a foot long." I repeat, this girl had taken some pretty serious illicit drugs.

Thankfully, the music was thundering and she was tightly bound to me.

"Really? Can I see it?" not one but two girls immediately asked, because nothing carries like a sound you don't want heard.

"Wait, it's actually a cucumber in a sock," I evaded both physically and verbally. I had seen that in a movie somewhere but I don't recall which one.

"Can I give it a taste test?" condom-girl asked.

"You look familiar," a second girl said.

"You have a nice ass," the third noted. I went through some options -- I'm gay, claustrophobic, a leper, recovering from surgery, Dean Wormer's virginal son -- then I had the answer.

"Keep it quiet," I hissed to the girls, "but I'm an undercover cop looking to make a few narcotic busts."

"If I blow you will you let me off," Condom girl giggled.

"I swear I've seen you before," the second girl mused. "Are you famous?" she added in an accusatory tone.

"Nope, but I do have one of those..." I got out before I was tackled.

"Zane! You came!" Erin, the girl who invited me, called out as she pushed through the crowed and grappled me.

"Hello, Erin; I told you I'd come and I came," I said as I hugged her -- which wasn't made easier by condom-girl still having her hand in my pants, around my cock. "What do you..."

"You are that guy!" the first girl exclaimed over the noise. C-girl gave my penis a sympathetic tug. "I knew I'd seen you before."

"I'm not that guy," I insisted. "He's an urban legend."

"Oh, come on, Zane," Erin teased, "We all saw you hammer that blonde yesterday. I know I'll never feel the same way about a shower again."

Cordelia is going to die. I could have taken personal responsibility for my actions, but I was feeling particularly peevish and irritable right then.

"If you know who I am," I pleaded, "you know I've pledged not to have sex this weekend. Help me out here." The now four girls looked at one another and I suddenly had hope.

"He's only got one condom," condom-girl noted. "We need to get some more." They started corralling me to a darkened recess off the main floor to what was most likely a hallway and my doom. I didn't want a reputation for beating up girls (I'd done that far too much this month) and they weren't making evasion all that possible.

I was searching for a third solution when a new hand landed on my shoulder from behind. It came with a familiar voice.

"Girls, Zane is with me tonight," this new voice said with definite authority. It was Tawny Flores, Kappa Sigma sorority president.

"No, he came here to see me and my BFF Gerry," Erin countered.

"Listen and listen carefully," Tawny said with deadly assurance, "I know he came here to see two girls he met at a movie theater. I also know he isn't having sex this weekend and you four won't take his polite refusal for what it is. Furthermore, I know that if you get him down to one of those rooms down the hall, he is going to fuck each and every one of you until your eyes roll back in your head, your lungs are on fire, you can't feel your thighs, and your screams of ecstasy drown out the music because he is that damn good," she continued. How making the other girls salivate helped my cause, I was sort of uncertain about.

"Now, I'm telling you that it ain't going to happen because, while the rest of you want to treat Zane like a high-priced Las Vegas escort, I'm his friend and I'm going to make him keep his pledge whether he wants to or not because -- I repeat -- I am his friend." Tawny finished by pulling me to her. "This discussion is over."

"Erin, I'll call you Monday," I shouted over my shoulder as Tawny led me away by the hand. "Thanks, Tawny," I directed to my savior, "What brought all this on?"

"Two reasons: Christina asked me to keep an eye on you. It seems she thought some of your other 'friends' at FFU might make a run at you tonight since she's playing an away-game," Tawny related.

"I also did it because I do like you and consider you a friend. You've always been there for me and my sisters and I have no doubt you will continue to do so. You would be helping us even if we weren't regularly ripping your clothes off and making you our bitch," Tawny grinned.

"The amount of respect I generate in this world is remarkable," I shook my head, "remarkably poor."

"You protest too much, Zane," Tawny emphasized with an elbow. "You are a special young man and generate a great deal of affection from those who know of you. It is a great gift we give you and the price you pay comes in the form of your imagination, sweat -- and apparently your semen," she finished with a sneer.

"Normal heroes pay in blood," I muttered.

"You are not normal and not necessarily the hero, Zane, though you definitely appear to be a protagonist," Tawny explained. "I'm sorry about the sisters last night. For some reason, I can't seem to put you and Leigh in the same building without her going wacky."

"Paige didn't help matters much," I confessed. We finally made our way back outside by this time, giving us some fresh air to recharge our senses.

"Yeah, what's the story with her?" Tawny asked. "Christina makes her out to be some sort of sicko fan-girl."

"Have you ever had a lover so intense that they try to get inside your head, figure out what you are up to, and plan out the next best move?" I responded.

"No, I haven't, you lucky bastard," Tawny sighed. "Is she really that good?"

"She will be by the end of the year," I informed Tawny. "Her only failing is her lack of experience and her unfamiliarity with sexual sensations."

"So she's your project, then," Tawny taunted me.

"You know me better than that," I faux-scolded her. "Paige presents herself on her own merits. She's hella-smart and her body ignites during foreplay. She's open-minded about everything; she's even going to give up her ass to me, though she won't accept it at the moment."

"What is it with you and butt-sex? Not that I mind, but you seem obsessed with it," Tawny asked.

"I don't care one way or another, actually. I'm in a Christian school so vaginal virginity is a normal expectation, so it is oral and anal sex for me," I explained. "With Paige, my desire is based on her blanket rejection of the idea before we'd had sex at all. If I let her hold herself back because of an irrational fear, I would be doing her a disservice. I owe it to every lover to give it my all."

"I hate Christina," Tawny muttered.

"Why?" I inquired as we walked down the street.

"We agreed that if either one of us were to sleep with you, we would warn the other one first," she regaled me with this bit of unexpected news.

"I suppose that I could complain about you ladies making deals concerning my time and body without consulting me, or maybe how, having told me this, I won't sleep with either one of you, or perhaps I'll simply announce how I'm going to another school in another state next semester but I'm done with the bluster and pissy-ness for a while," I sighed.

"Instead, I'm going to exact a promise from you two," I stated. Tawny and I stopped walking and stared into each other's eyes. "The loser has to get the winner's name tattooed on their ass. That's my condition."

"That's nuts," Tawny chuckled. "I'm not going to have another girl's name tattooed on my butt."

"Then drop out of your little agreement if you think I'm not worth it or that you will lose," I suggested. Tawny didn't reply, instead walking down the street once more.

"We could have sex right now if you want," I said once we were side-by-side again.

"You would break your pledge for me?" Tawny asked.

"If you want to see Christina's ass with your name tattooed on it," I answered.

"She'd never forgive either of us," Tawny noted.

"Absolutely. She'd get the tat but she'd be very disappointed in us both," I agreed.

"Is this how you repay me for saving you inside the warehouse?" Tawny questioned.

"I'm not treating you like a sorority president or a graduating senior; I'm treating you like a desirable woman, a potential lover, and someone forced to think on an entirely personal, selfish level for once," I said. "I respect you enough to give you a moral challenge." Tawny stopped and pulled out her phone and dialed up a number but hesitated before sending it.

"Hello, Christina; Tawny here," she started. "I have Zane with me outside the party and am seriously thinking about requesting him to have sex with me." I missed what Christina said. "Yes, I made him aware of the bet and he agreed anyway, but added that you would tattoo my name on your ass if we did it tonight. Is that acceptable?"

Again, I missed Christina's comment.

"Oh, he is very aware that you would be disappointed in him -- and he did a good job of leading me on but he has no intention of following through on his little dare; he loves you too much. I almost fell for his ruse but then he revealed how much he cared about me and I figured it out," Tawny grinned at me, leaving me embarrassed. Christina spoke again.

"Yes, I guess that means I might get 'Christina' tattooed to my butt. It is worth it," Tawny related to Christina. "I knew you would want to hear about this -- he's still pining away for you." Christina got off a statement and Tawny laughed. "We should get together for dinner sometime, Christina, just the two of us. Take care now."