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Click here"Did I do something wrong," I ask, worried that he didn't love me anymore?
"No I did by letting them have you," he said as he closed the door behind us and sat me down on his bed. "I really do love you Sammy and I don't want to share you with anyone. I want you all to myself," he said as he kneel before me, my hand in his as if he was preparing to propose.
"You're no..."
"Shhh," he put his hand to my lips to stop me from speaking. "I will never treat you wrong and will aways cherish you forever. I have been in love with you since the first time we talked while you were waiting for Tom. You never treated me like some kind of nerd and always felt comfortable talking to you." With that said he brought his lips to mine and kissed me with a passion that I've never felt before. He wasn't the best kisser but I could tell that we was in fact in love with me and my heart was touched more than ever.
I pull myself away from him and lay back onto his bed and reach out for him to come to me. Mitch crawled into my inviting arms and kisses me again as he lowers his cock to my pussy. He strokes his head against me and I reach down to lead him home. As he fills me I felt a wave come over me as I unbelievably came right there. He looked at me as I'm sure he could feel me tighten on his massive shaft and I cry out in pleasure.
"Did you?"
"Yes, I did," was all I said as he started to fuck me once again with a passion that I've never felt and an enjoyment I'll never get tired of. Mitch looked like a man in love as he rarely took his eyes from mine as he sensually moved within me. I can't believe I was about to cum again and this time as my pussy started to convulse around his shaft I wrapped my legs around Mitch as I could also feel his cock start to pulse.
"I'm gonna cum," he said trying to pull out of me.
"I want you to," was all I had to say as he stopped trying to pull out and instead pushed into my quivering lips to the hilt and came deep within my walls. It was the most amazing experience as I never let anyone cum inside of me and never, until tonight, fucked anyone without a condom. But I didn't fuck Mitch we made love and I was happy.
Mitch rolled off of me and I leaned in to kiss him and that's how we fell asleep, naked, cuddling each other after the best night of our lives.
Poor pathetic simps. They end up with the worthless sluts. Simps and pathetic writers/readers don't know why they are worthless. Gain some confidence and self-esteem and you may begin to understand. Do NOT fantasize about a girl like this. Thinking a girl like this is relationship material is a huge mistake. This author is either a woman or a male not worthy of being called a man. No male that lets other guys fuck his girl is ever worth being called a man. Call me a misogynist all you want, but almost all real men know this is simple fact.
The story does need another chapter. Mitch loves her and Sammy may call him another name- DADDY. I'll bet Tom will be kicking his own ass, when he finds out Mitch may have found a wife- his former girlfriend...
The second that the little whinny bitch let his friends fuck her. Hope he doesn't plan on keeping her long because it won't take long for someone to take her from him. Sorry but this had potential but ended up being a total piece of shit.
I th first page it statred out good. Something i wanted to write. A revenge sex with boyfriends nerdy bro. Then the whole group thing. Mitch should have kicked his perverted friends out and given Sam his bed and taken the couch.(THE LOVE THING WAS OVER THE TOP) -Mitch uses the shower late to get over a hardon sam causes. The hour long shower wakes up Sammy who nosies around Mitch's room finding his journal. Where she is mentioned constatly. She confronts Mitch after his shower. She pulls him back to their bed where they makeout and she climbs untop of him.
Your story shows promise ,but does need work ,as it seemed not to know where it was going at times .
Some advice I was given is on finishing a story , put it to one side and read it some time later and you can catch errors before submission .
Do not let any critics put you off ,just reflect and see if they have a point .Grammar and punctuation can be fixed with a good editor ,but good ideas for a story are hard to find .
The description was quite interesting.
Then, the problems started. The story was written as a feverish fourteen-year-old's fantasy. Not well thought-out.
Then the change of tense problems -- yeah, that was tough going. Other problems included word choose, spelling, punctuation and so on.
Then there was the Anonymous moron who wrote:
"dont mind the idiots and the grammer nazi they can correct all they want they are still just rude and stupid"
That was barely literate. So, I'm not surprised Mr Anon was offended by the other comments. They were referring to him, as well.
Look, if a story is worth the effort to write, it's worth the effort to write it well. Lots of editors available; maybe one would help.
Do yourself a favor, if you continue to write, get an editor, this was poorly written, grammar and punctuation errors everywhere. Changing between tenses and to be perfectly honest, it was just juvenile.
dont mind the idiots and the grammer nazi they can correct all they want they are still just rude and stupid.