Christmas Mystery Theater

Just then the Bride and Best Man appeared. The beautiful woman was now dressed in a clingy white dress that showed off her lovely body, and high heel white pumps that seemed to shine under the bright stage lights. She was 'Mrs. White', and her legs and feet still looked marvelous I noted. The young Best Man was wearing his green suit, black shirt and green tie again: he was 'Mr. Green'.

That left 'Mrs. Peacock', and one might be expecting a dowdy older woman. Instead, a gorgeous woman in her 50s came in, wearing a peacock-blue dress with a deep vee-cut and an under-blouse that had streaks of different colors across it, and high heel pumps that matched the grayish-blue color of the dress. She was hot! I thought.

"Her real name is Mrs. Peabody." Laura whispered to me. "She works at City Hall, some sort of admin position there with the Town & County Council."

"Can I go on stage and perform with her?" I whispered to Laura, who just squeezed my thigh just above my knee. My appetite for sexy older women was becoming insatiable as I watched this lovely older woman. Her hair was dirty blonde, falling in gentle waves to her shoulders, her body a firm hourglass shape. Hell, my mother worked out, and she had nothing on this sexy Cougar!

I listened to the lines, expecting to hear some clues. Mr. Boddy was telling the assemblage that he had information on all of them, including that one of them was a blackmailer and killer. It sounded like the script from that movie made after the board game, I realized.

As I watched the play, I noted the interactions of the actors. Mrs. Scarlett and Mr. Boddy had eyes for each other, and it looked like that went beyond the play. Mrs. Peabody was smooth and gracious as she told Professor Plum to not worry about the odious Mr. Boddy's diabolical threats. Mrs. White and Mr. Green were chatting to each other, and getting dark looks from her 'husband', Colonel Mustard.

"Why don't we discuss this matter privately, you and I?" suggested Mrs. Scarlett to Mr. Boddy. They walked from the left stage to the right, where the same bed was set up, but with new sheets and a different bedside table. The lights were a more red-orange hue in a feeble attempt to differentiate this bedroom from the bridal suite where the Bride's hot defloration had taken place.

Part 4 - Sex Scene 2

"Perhaps I can convince you to take a more... reasonable approach." said Mrs. Scarlett to Mr. Boddy, who in real life were in-laws. She knelt down before him on her knees and undid his pants, fishing out his cock. It was thick, not as large as the Best Man's, but still a hefty piece of Cuban cock. Leanne began sucking it, and soon it was throbbing powerfully as she deeply fellated him.

"Oh yeah, suck my big cock, baby!" the Cuban stud said with alacrity. "Oh yes, that's good. Keep sucking!" The beautiful redhead sucked the Cuban's brown cock furiously, as if trying to make him pop his nuts in real life, challenging him to hold back from climaxing into her mouth. He easily met the challenge.

"Stand up, babe." he said. Leanne did so, and the couple began undressing each other. As she was in her thirties and he was college-aged, this scene had both me and Laura getting warm. And when Leanne's luscious tits popped out, followed by her red-haired cuntbush, I was getting hard in my pants again.

The young Cuban stud was totally shaved of body hair, his light brown skin reflecting the stage lights. He and Leanne got onto the bed, she on her hands and knees, and him easing behind her upturned, luscious asscheeks. He grasped his large cock and aimed it at Leanne's gaping cunt. It slid in easily, and I watched in fascination as the couple copulated in front of me with raw, lusty abandon.

I enjoyed the sight of Leanne's asscheeks rippling as the Cuban's taut groin slammed into her repeatedly, her cunt absorbing his driving thrusts as relentlessly sheathed his cockmeat into her again and again. I also sensed that the audience, while enjoying the sight of the hotly rutting couple on the stage, weren't as intensely into it as they had been while watching the Bride be seduced, corrupted, and deflowered.

After a few moments of deep dogstyle fucking, the couple changed positions. They were lying like spoons on the bed, and it was easy to see the Cuban's big cock pumping past Leanne's stretched cuntlips and deep into her sodden pussy. She had raised her leg and her sexy bare foot was pressed into the young Cuban's hip as he pumped her. He fondled her big breasts then slid his hand down her body and began stroking her clit.

"OH GOD!" Leanne cried out, throwing her head back. The stage lights were focusing on their coupled loins, and I could see the wetness on his cock get even wetter... Leanne was coming around her young brother-in-law's invading cock!

She wrapped the Cuban's tie around his neck and pulled him down to her, straining her neck as she leaned back to kiss him. Their tongues twined lustily as their kiss only added to the pleasure of their lusty mating.

I heard a groan somewhere in the audience, then the Cuban groaned on stage and began coming inside Leanne's red-fringed pussy. His balls seemed to pulse as he ejaculated his wad into her. When he pulled out, I could see the slimy mess of their combined juices on his meat and beginning to ooze out of her gaping pussy hole.

Part 5 - The Play "Crime"

As the lights faded on the right side, with Leanne and her Cuban lover heading backstage, the left side lights came on again. Mrs. Peacock was telling Professor Plum that one could easily make a Christmas wreath out of yarn or rope. "See?" she said as she braided twines of thin rope together to form a thicker one.

"Interesting." said Plum as Mrs. Peacock extended her work with her right hand. He took it in his left hand, drinking from his glass with his right hand. Behind them was a display case with several old revolvers on display inside.

Mrs. White was talking with her 'husband', Colonel Mustard. As he raised a glass of whiskey to his lips with his left hand, he was saying that he could drink anyone under the table in the war days, and she was saying that it was no longer the war days, and that if he wanted to consummate their marriage he'd better shape up. She then said that she was willing to bet Mr. Green could drink her husband under the table -and- take care of his woman's needs after that.

Just then Mrs. Scarlett appeared with Mr. Boddy. "There's a water leak in the bathroom!" she said.

"That's what bathrooms are for, my dear." said Professor Plum with an air of distinction. The audience laughed.

"We can take care of it." said Mustard. "Boddy, Green, there are tools in the Kitchen!" He, Boddy, and Mustard all left the back stage, and the women and Professor Plum continued talking about what was to be done about Mr. Boddy. Plum handed the women drinks, extending his right arm to give each lady hers, and after raising their glasses in a toast with their right hands, they drank.

Then the lights went out, throwing the theater into total darkness. A shot rang out! followed by a *thump!* and a loud groan.

The lights came on in the right rear of the stage. It was a kitchen, with a countertop and a small table. On the ground was Mr. Boddy, on his back, with a puddle of 'blood' on the floor around his head, some 'blood' on his forehead, and a trail of blood suggesting he had been dragged into the room. There was a bloody knife, a revolver, a rope, a big wrench, a piece of pipe and (you guessed it) a candlestick on the floor around him. Another candlestick was on the kitchen table, and they'd been used to hold lighted candles during both sex scenes, I noted.

Mr. Green was in the Kitchen, seeming to feel for Boddy's pulse when the others rushed in.

"You killed him!" yelled Mrs. Scarlett.

"No, I found him!" replied Green. "Someone hit me on the head when the lights went out, and when they came on I got up and saw him lying like this!"

"What are we going to do?" Mrs. White wailed in feigned hysterics.

"We'll have to call the police." said Professor Plum as Col. Mustard came into the room behind him, Mustard's red-orange tie catching the light with a strange sheen.

The merits of calling the police were debated, as some of the characters worried that their own secrets would come out.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Enter the Police. The actor playing the Detective was dark haired, medium height and build, and was well-known amongst the Libertines as a long lasting fucker during hardcore orgies. His cock was about the same length and thickness as mine.

When he came in, he was wearing a khaki trenchcoat and a khaki full-brim Tilley Hat. I felt many eyes on me, and Laura squeezed my shoulder. It was obvious who he was imitating, and I couldn't help but grin at the humor being sent my way. Thankfully, he did not have a crowbar; he instead wielded a small baseball bat. Smart man, I thought to myself. Some things are sacred.

"Well well well, what do we have here?" asked the Detective. "You all are suspects. No one try to leave. The case is in my hands now, and it will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law." He may have dressed like me, but he was way too cheesy to be me, I thought to myself.

The Detective questioned everyone as to their whereabouts. Green, Mustard and Boddy had gone to the bathroom to see where the leak was...

"Everyone knows where you leak in the bathroom." said the Detective, getting some groans amidst the tepid laughter at the bad joke.

"Then we went to the Kitchen to get tools, and the lights went out." said Green. "I got hit on the back of the head and went down."

"I had begun going back to the bathroom." said Mustard. "When the lights came on, I went back to the kitchen and saw Green getting up, then going to check on Boddy."

"When I came in," said Scarlett, "Green was leaning over Boddy."

"Checking his vital signs." said Green. "He was dead."

"So, what killed him?" asked the Detective, examining the body. "There seem to be several weapons, here."

"There were two candlesticks on the table. One is on the floor now." said Green.

"They were holding lighted candles in the bedroom earlier." said Scarlett.

"How do you know that, Mrs. Scarlett?" inquired the Detective.

"I saw them when Mr. Boddy lighted the candles." said Scarlett. "It made the room much more... romantic."

"Oh really?" said the Detective. "Doing a bit of the ol' wink-wink, nod-nod, now were you?"

"Now just a minute." yelled the Professor. "That's my wife you're talking about!"

"Oh really?" said the Detective. "Your wife's doing the wink-wink nod-nod with our dead man, and maybe you caught them?"

"No, I did not catch them!" yelled the Professor. "Er... I mean, there was nothing to catch. You've got it all wrong!"

"Oh do I now?" said the Detective. "I've got my eye on you, Professor. Now where did this revolver come from?"

"He wasn't shot with the revolver." said Mustard.

"That's not what I asked, Colonel." said the Detective. "But you're an old Army crack shot, aren't you? Is that your gun, Colonel?"

"No, I mean yes, it was in the display case, which is mine. But it's an antique, certainly not my service weapon!" said the Colonel.

"Oh, and where is that?" asked the Detective.

"It's in my coat." said Mustard. "Hanging in the hall closet."

"In the Hall, eh?" said the Detective. "Maybe taking a shot into the Kitchen?"

"Not me." said the Colonel. "I was going back to the bathroom from the Kitchen!"

"And you, Mrs. Peacock." said the Detective. "You do good rope work. There are abrasions on Mr. Boddy's neck.

"Those were already there." said Mrs. White, drawing a look of anger from Mrs. Scarlett.

"Oh really?" said the Detective, seeing Mrs. Scarlett's look. "Mrs. Scarlett, do you know anything about those abrasions?"

"I think he got them from his necktie being pulled around his neck earlier." said Mrs. Scarlett. "Certainly the lights were not off long enough for him to have been strangled with that rope."

"And how do you know that?" asked the Detective.

"Because I'm not a dumbass..." said Mrs. Scarlett, "... like some people in the room." She was looking squarely at Professor Plum.

Plum was not looking at her; he was studying the crime scene. "See here, Detective! Boddy has a big welt on the left rear side of his head, as if he were hit there. There's blood on the wrench, too. Maybe that is the weapon."

"Maybe." said the Detective. "Certainly some blood did splatter out when he was struck. Fortunately for all of you, none of it is on your clothes right now."

The rest of the play, I will condense here for brevity. Each suspect's secrets came out, and some of this was on the sheet of paper we were given:

Mrs. Scarlett was a whorehouse madam, holding many secrets over others. Colonel Mustard was an arms dealer, setting up both sides of a conflict with arms. Mrs. White was the seeming innocent virgin, but had been a killer in the past. Professor Plum had plagiarized from others to get his tenure, but held secrets over the University leadership that kept him in his position. Mrs. Peacock was a blackmailer herself, seeing as she was a hostess with the mostest. Mr. Green was a con man, a trickster from the Carnival "carnies", and had bilked many of their money.

Part 6 - The Real Crime

At the end, the curtains closed and the Detective stood alone in front of the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "I'm sure that I have solved the crime, but it is time now for you to fill out your cards to say who committed the murder, where, and with what weapon, for the chance to win for your charity. If none of you win and I get it right, then perhaps I can..."

He looked right at me and winked and said "... upgrade from this little bat? It's such a puny little thing, yes?"

The lights in the audience area came on and the couples discussed who it might be. Some couples were working as groups, intending to share the prizes amongst themselves.

Laura just handed me the card and I scribbled a few lines. I was the first to put a card into the box that the 'Bride' was holding to take up our written ideas. Everyone seemed to notice my speed and efficiency in doing so, and I felt some air come out of their sails. Didn't bother me; I'd love giving first prize to the Wounded Warrior Project.

After all the cards were collected, Mrs. White said "And now for the conclusion of our play." The lights went completely dark.

Suddenly, a shot rang out!

No, that's not just a line from Snoopy's It Was A Dark And Stormy Night... a shot really did ring out. A moment later, the Bride/Mrs. White came out, a worried look on her face. "Doctor!" she said to my wife, "Can you come here? You too, Commander!"

As Laura rushed onto the stage and behind the curtain, I turned to Audrey Nethers' husband and Helen French's husband and said to them "Don't let anyone leave this room." I then went backstage.

Laura was kneeling beside the prostrate form of the young stud 'Mr. Green,' who was lying on the floor of the kitchen set where Mr. Boddy had been. Mr. Boddy was one of the group standing in a huddle, watching Laura, and I could see the gunshot wound to the side of his head. My wife looked up at me as I approached, and shook her head.

'Mr. Green' had been murdered. In the Kitchen. With the Revolver.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I guess we're going to have to have police here, Don?" Guy French said to me as I came to the front of the stage.

"Fortunately, Guy," I said, "the Police are already here. And I'm in a capacity I can exercise some real discretion... as long as I have everyone's full cooperation." He nodded as I stood up.

"I am asking everyone to stay." I said to the audience. "This is not an act, it's the real thing. I will attempt to be as discreet in solving this as I can be, but I absolutely must have your total cooperation. Please don't leave, please don't try to use your cell phones either to make calls or to take pictures. Thanks."

As murmurings began in the audience, I went upstairs where I would have good cell phone reception, and called Tanya Perlman at her home. I had some very explicit instructions: she was to get Barry Oliver, they were to get a Crime Lab kit, and they alone would come to the location. Tanya was also to call Myron Milton and Mary Mahoney and have them bring a secure laptop to this location. No one else was to come, and the Duty Desk was not to be notified; I would do all that myself at the proper time. I was using every bit of authority my rank of Commander and Acting Chief provided me, and was putting myself on the line in doing so.

Going back downstairs, I heard a voice say "Don, can we watch you work?" Everyone was curious, perhaps morbidly so, but if it kept them here, I figured I'd let them.

"If you will stay in your seats," I said, "I'll have them open the curtains and turn on all the lights. This is not play time, though, and you may not be able to handle what you're going to see."

Going back to the body, Laura said "Looks like a small caliber weapon, .22LR or .22 Magnum."

".22 Magnum would've gone through the head." I said as my gloved hands examined the head. "No exit would, so I'd say it's the .22 long rifle."

I looked up at the faces of the actors. Mrs. White looked shocked and upset. Mrs. Peacock, a.k.a. Mrs. Peabody, was calmer, and actually looked morbidly interested in the crime scene. Mrs. Scarlett, a.k.a. Leanne Quinlin Gonzales, was horrified. Col. Mustard had been a real military officer and had seen plenty of war dead; his face looked more saddened at the death of a young man than anything else. Professor Plum looked shocked and helpless, but also a bit detached. He was standing behind the rest of them, which might have explained his passivity.

"I need the director and the audio/video people to come on stage." I said. A woman in her thirties came up, followed by two men from the A/V room which was in back of the audience. One man was a bit older, he was the primary A/V man; the other man was younger and had been working the lights.

Just then Lt. Tanya Perlman and Auxiliary Policeman Barry Oliver came into the door, flashing their badges. I had them come to the stage and gave some instructions.

First, I had all of the actors searched, then asked the audience to produce any concealed carry weapons they might have. There were no less than eight, and Tanya had them tagged with receipts to the owners to get the weapons back later. None of the weapons were the small caliber of the fatal wound, though.

I had Barry do the crime scene workup, taking blood samples, marking and photographing evidence, doing alone what a whole Crime Lab team normally would do... and Barry was doing it most very efficiently.

Myron and Mary then showed up. Many of the women instantly sized up Myron's package in his pants; Myron had an eleven inch penis, and I was willing to bet he and Mary might one day get an invitation to join this group. But I digress...

It did not take long to find a semi-automatic .22LR pistol in a drawer of the cabinet where the antique guns were. "Typical gun that mob hit men use." said Barry Oliver as he used ultraviolet light techniques to look for prints. "No prints. Looks wiped down, but likely the killer wore gloves."

"Nobody from the outside could get in here and to the stage without walking past me." I said. "And I'm sure that didn't happen. So one of the people here did this. Tell you what, Barry, try this: carefully unload the gun, and see if you can get prints from the loaded cartridges."

"Oooh, great idea." said Tanya. "You wouldn't believe how often the perps forget that."

"Thank goodness they do forget that." I said. "Makes my job a whole lot easier."