Conqueror's Rise

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Opposite side of the sun.

Tamara hunched backed against the tree trunk as tightly as she could while doing her best to keep a hold of the heavily laiden branch of Claipon fruit. 'I hope old Claron forgives my ruining these two bunches when I tell him about a WHOLE STAND of Claipon trees with fruit that's so ripe they shouldn't even still be on the stems!' She thought as she heard the distinct sound of a particular Zi`aber's paw pads moving through the soft grass directly at the tree she was hiding behind.

"Tamara you need to come back to the palace. Your mother will be there soon." Said a unexpected voice from the other side of the tree startling Tamara enough for her grasp to weaken just enough for her too lose her grip.

"Cleo NO!!!!!!!!!!" Tamara screamed as the fruit flew off their stems and covered the front of the helpful Hephlan. "NO NO NO NO NOT GOOD, NOT good at ALL!" She breathed as she scrambled around the tree to see if she lucked out and the the Hephlan's eyes and horn had missed out on the Claipon juice bath.

"How is she? Did we get lucky??!" Asked the Zi`aber as it jumped over her, rebounding off the tree trunk getting to the thrashing and screaming Hephlan first. "Oh my aching whiskers." Tamara heard him breath. "She's totally DRENCHED!"

"No PLEASE!" Tamara breathed as she finally got around the tree in time to see the last light of sanity fade from the Hephlan's Claipon soaked eyes. "I'm SO sorry." She whimpered as now murderous beast leveled its gaze on two of the three beings it held most dear. "Spike what ARE we going to do??"

"You KNOW the only two things that can help a Claipon crazed Hephlan is Tieplo juice diluting the Claipon or death." The Zi`aber said under its breath. "AND you know we can't do the later and the former, well I can handle explaining why we needed the Tieplo juice if we can save Cleo. Ready to bareback in front of the whole palace?"

"NOW!" Tamara screamed as both she and Cleo lunged at the same instant. Tamara for Spike's back and Cleo to impale two of the three that she was raised with, with her once golden horn now coated with drying Claipon juice.

*************

"There you two are. Your mother's gotten here sooner than people expected Tamara and people..... hey what's the....what HAPPENED??!" Shrieked a voice above them as they broke from the forest surrounding the royal palace.

"Sugar!" Tamara hollered up too the circling Drykar. "Sugar, fly ahead to the palace and tell them that we need a clear shot at the paddock wing of the barracks! Cleo got a face full of overripe Claipon berries, tell Barrome to get the rack ready!"

"Claipon berries? Since when did Arlievalon have soil fit for growing Claipon?" Hollered Sugar before she deepened her wing beats and veered off towards the palace to deliver the message.

*************

"You okay Spike?" Tamara asked as the agile Zi`aber vaulted over a hedge.

"Yeah I've managed to keep my tail out of her mouth and and I only have a small gash from her horn on my right back leg." The Zi`aber said as Tamara slid down his side as he ran underneath a low hanging branch.

"Dark Throne, well lets get this done and get you the antidote before your leg's paralyzed, Mom'll never let me hear the end of it if I let my baby brother get paralyzed" Tamara groaned. "I'll never hear the end of THIS never mind anything else I've ever done wrong!"

"WHICH mom do you mean?" Spike laugh. "OH the queen is NOT going to like this!" Spike groaned as he jumped am ornate bench beside the queen's favorite fish pool. "Anyway, get ready to jump. I'll lead her on another lap of the grounds while you get finished setting up."

"OUR mom!" Tamara laughed as she dove through the human entrance to the paddock.

****************

"Come on and follow the nice fluffy Zi`aber." Spike taunted the deranged Hephlan. "Nice little murderous Hephlan, follow the nice fluffy Zi. Tamara NOW!" Spike screamed as he jumped up out of the way as the Hephlan charged him, just as the two halves of the rack slammed shut trapping the screaming animal .

"NO!! It didn't catch, Spike HELP ME!!" Screamed Tamara as she and Barrome the old paddock caregiver heaved against the halves of the cage that Tamara had talked the old man into helping her design and build.

"We, we can't Tamara!" Barrome wheezed. "We DON'T have the strength too latch it."

"No but I do." Said a low gurgling voice above them as LARGE scaled and clawed paw/hands grasped the sides of the cage and started a slow squeeze meant to force the deranged Hephlan into the padded space meant for the equine's body.

"Our thanks Gralvor." Barrome hollered too the elder Drykar as he and Tamara sprang for the bottles of Tieplo to start washing the Claipon juice from Cleo's eyes.

"If you'll tell me what too do I'll wash her horn." Said a unfamiliar voice causing Tamara too look at the woman that had stepped to the front of the rack.

"You REALLY need to spend more time with your birth mother and maybe a less time with Farreth if you can't recognize your own mother Tamara." Barrome wheezed. "Just use enough of the Tieplo juice to get the Claipon diluted so you can wash it off with water."

"There's rags and water behind you in that sunken shelf." Tamara said pointing with a jab of her elbow.

"Nice too see you to Tammy." Tamara's mother laughed.

"DON'T call me that! Not even Spike calls me that." Tamara snarled as Cleo thrashed against the encompassing metal box.

"Yeah." Barrome chuckled. "Or you might start chewing on his nose again." He laughed as he aimed a jet of water into Cleo's eye.

"Will I EVER be free of that?!" Wailed Tamara as she finished washing out Cleo's eye and moved too give her mother a hand.

"WHY would you want to be? I doubt there's a region of this planet that DOESN'T know about your getting hungry at the festival and your crawling into Farreth's roped off area and your joining the Queen's Zi`aber partner Farreth's newest litter of kittens while they ate, OR your latching onto Spike's nose with a happy squeal when he objected to the new addition at dinner." Said a voice from the doorway.

"Your Majesty!" Gasped Tamara as she struggled to maintain a steady flow of water onto Cleo's horn.

"Don't stop now girl." The King chuckled. "You're nearly done and when you are, I need too know just WHERE you three found Claipon trees in Arlievalon."

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TIGERWOLFSTORMTIGERWOLFSTORMabout 3 years ago

please keep going with this story . don't let it die now

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago

More please.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
good premise

I enjoyed the idea of your story, but the style of your writing leaves much to be desired. Keep trying!

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Interesting beginning

I'm looking forward to read where you go from here - this certainly is a good basis for an epic tale. That said, there were a few things that irritate when reading this story:

1. Avoid abbreviations like hrs, min, tech.

2. Small numbers (at least one, two and three) should usually be spelled out.

3. Like the previous comment said, use only one of boldface/capitals/italics at a time, as that is quite sufficient to emphasize text. I'd suggest capitals for shouting, italics for thoughts, boldface for general emphasis.

4. Watch your punctuation: If you'd make a small pause when speaking, or if there is a break in context, a comma is in order.

5. In the dialogues, it is not always obvious to the reader who is speaking, especially when more than two persons are involved.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Hmm

I rather liked it, except for two things, 1. The messing of two entities talking, the humans and the ship (dunno if it is the ship talking but just a guess on my end), 2. It whole bolding, italisizing, and capitalization the words, yes i know at some times it is needed, but i say just stick to capitalizing, snags the eye but not to much that the reader keeps looking back to it. Must say though, this seems like it could evolve into a lengthy, if not novel classified, story.

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