Cost of Loyalty

"Oh, she's around somewhere," Satan replied. "It's not really important."

"I'm here, Damian." Her voice came down quietly from somewhere above him. He found her, standing miserably on a ledge above and to the right of the throne.

"Selina, are you all right?"

She nodded slowly, closing her eyes against tears.

"Of course, she's all right," said Satan. He grinned. "She's quite ready for her new home, aren't you, Selina? Go on, show him."

"What?" Damian demanded. When Satan merely continued to grin, he turned and looked up. "Selina, what is he talking about?"

"I... I..." Selina couldn't talk. She stared at the granite ledge under her feet.

Damian thought he saw movement behind her, but didn't know what to make of it. He stepped forward. Selina shook her head, and he stopped. "Selina, whatever it is, I don't care," he said gently. She covered her face with her hands, and turned around.

When he saw the wings, he felt as if he'd received a physical blow. Indulging his sense of humor, Satan had outfitted Selina -- his angel -- with a pair of wings. They were the color of ashes, and scaled. Evidently she was still unused to them, as her movements were slow and awkward.

"A nice job, don't you think?" Satan inquired. "Don't know how useful they'll be. A lot of us down here have wings but don't use them. Difficult to get accustomed to."

Damian ignored him and the fury rising within himself. "Selina," he said, willing her to believe him, "I don't care. It's all right. I still love you." Selina placed a hand on the wall for balance as she began to turn around.

"You think you love her, eh?" Satan forced Damian to face him. "Well, if she loved you, don't you think she'd have opened up a little more? Although," he said, with a malicious glint in his eye, "she'd done more than a little of that before she met you."

"No!" Selina cried out. If Damian was to know this, she would tell him.

"Oh, ashamed are you?" the Devil answered mockingly. "Perhaps if you'd had a bit more modesty before, you wouldn't be here now." He turned back to Damian.

"You see, Damian, your friend was an addict and a whore," Satan told him. "Which is probably about as well as a drunk like yourself could ever hope to get. And you were a drunk," Satan said sharply, cutting off a protest. "Your parents were drunks, so what else could you ever hope to be?"

Damian's fury, whether at himself or at Satan, he was never certain, manifested itself as a right hook to the jaw. Taken by surprise, the Devil was sent sprawling to the ground. Standing over him, Damian said through gritted teeth, "We are not yours. Remove her wings. We are leaving."

"Oh no." Satan's eyes blazed with black fire. "No one leaves after doing something like that." He stood up, grabbed Damian by the shoulders and flung him across the cavern. Damian hit the rock wall with a loud crack and fell to the floor. The Devil looked up at Selina and smiled. "It looks as though you will be staying, my dear."

Selina shook with rage. As Satan returned his attention to Damian, her mind sought frantically for a way out. She was seething, and wanted to make this creature pay for the pain he had caused. Taking a small step out towards the edge of her platform, her foot brushed against a pile of rocks. She quickly scanned them and found a heavy stone. Gripping it, she kept her other hand against the wall for balance and tentatively flexed her wings.

Unused to their weight, and to the muscular attachments, she nearly cried out from the pain. They only have to get me down, she thought, and launched herself from the ledge.

She attempted to use her wings, but it was more of a calculated fall than a flight. But her aim had been on target. She hit Satan from behind and they both tumbled to the ground. Roaring in surprise and anger, the Devil lashed out with his arm and caught Selina on the side of her head so hard that her ears rang. Ignoring the pain, Selina brought the rock crashing against his head, again and again and again until Damian staggered over and held her arm.

"Come on, come on," he panted, trying to drag her with him. Selina gasped for breath, felt like she was in a dream. She allowed Damian to help her stand, but then did not move. Neither did Satan. He lay on the ground, a pool of ichor forming around his head.

"Selina," Damian urged, his voice stronger, "come on." He began leading her out the way Alexis had brought him in. After a few feet, Selina stopped. Damian looked at her quizzically.

"I know a better way, I think," she said. "It's faster. And once they find him, they'll be after us. I've got to get you out of here." Selina made her way up to the tunnels through which the demon had flown. As they rested for a moment, unhuman howls came racing through the granite corridors. They knew that the Lord of this domain had been found, and his followers would be out for blood and more.

"Hold on," Selina warned. Grasping him under the arms, Selina flapped her wings and began painfully flying through the tunnels. It was tentative and halting at first, but she quickly gained some control. Speed was more difficult to come by, as her wings tried to maintain two people in the air. Selina became oblivious to everything except the beating of her wings, and was only vaguely aware when they finally reached the surface.

She kept going, ignoring the pain and trying to cross as much of the cracked land as possible. Finally, she reached the end of her strength. She dropped Damian as gently as she could, then collapsed to the ground in exhaustion. Damian ran over and held her tightly.

"Damian, don't," she said, pulling away. "I have to go."

"Go? Go where?" Damian refused to let go of her hands.

"I have to go back," she said sadly. "Look at me. I belong down there."

"No!" he said fiercely. "No, you don't! I don't know what he told you, Selina, but I'm sure he twisted it. Neither of us belong there, and no amount of his warped logic can change that. I won't let you go back."

"But what can I do?" she asked. "I can't go on with these... things." She flexed her wings and winced. "Besides, Damian, I did try to kill him. Surely that's a crime wherever it happens." She looked at him sadly.

"After what he did to you, you expect me to hold that against you?" Damian asked. "He tried to kill me, and asking nicely wasn't going to change his mind. We both know, Selina, that good people are sometimes forced to do terrible things." At that, she dropped her eyes.

"Selina," he said gently, "none of it matters. We'll go somewhere and you can tell me everything else. I want you to tell me, but it won't change anything. You already know how I stole and fought to keep my sisters and me alive. I'm not going to hold anything you did for survival against you." He stared at her for a moment, then kissed her fiercely, needing to feel her, to taste her.

"All right," she whispered hoarsely, "all right." She wanted to stay with Damian, and now she was glad that she no longer had to fight the desire. "But what about these damn wings?" she asked.

"One thing at a time," he said, pulling her close. She carefully, slowly, pulled the wings in, tucked them against her back and shoulders. "We'll find help," he assured her. Selina knew it was an empty promise, but loved him for it.

They walked and walked and at last the desolate terrain of the outskirts of Hell was behind them. They reached an area of trees, and found a large ash under which they fell asleep. When they awoke, they had company.

"You're well?" asked the Angel who had served as Heaven's Representative in Transition.

"Well enough," Damian said guardedly.

"I've come to tell you that the decision has been examined and changed." Damian and Selina exchanged glances, then looked back at the Angel. "You are welcome to Heaven," he told them.

"No," said Selina. Damian blinked, taken back by her answer.

"But why?" asked the Angel curiously.

"I don't trust you," she said. "Heaven's behavior in Transition was appalling. Damian was ready to sacrifice for his friend, and you said no. I have knowingly and willingly attacked another creature, and you're ready to take me in. I want no part of it."

"And you?" The Angel turned to Damian.

"No," he answered, "but I ask two favors." The Angel motioned for him to continue. "First, get rid of these wings. Second, take my friend, Jim, to Heaven with you instead."

"But your friend was destined for Hell," the Angel reminded him.

"He tried to spare me," Damian replied, "after I attempted to go with him. He pretended not to care about me or our friendship, and I know that was difficult for him. He deserves a pardon for that."

"I will try," said the Angel. Damian nodded. "I can remove your wings," the Angel told Selina, "but the recovery will be painful."

"I don't care," she said. "Just get them off."

x-x-x-x

"Better today?" Damian asked as they lay looking up at the faint stars.

"Mm-hmm." Selina lay on her side as her back was still sore.

"Do you wish you had gone with the Angel?" Damian reached over and brushed her hair from her face.

"No," she answered without hesitation. "I still don't trust them. I'm much happier as things are. But you?" She gazed at him inquiringly. "Do you wish we had gone?"

"No," he said softly. "The door is open now. When we're ready, if we ever are, we can go."

x-x-x-x

28 Nov 1994