All Comments on 'Crowded Coffee Shop'

Damn...that was simply what wet dreams are made of!...great story...I'm getting my GF and going to a coffee shop!!

I spoon the ice cream into my mouth. The coldness swirls around my tongue, and I can taste the sweetness of the strawberries. I swallow, watching the girl in the black tights, watching the way the globes of her bottom move as she walks past me.

I just don't like present tense. What, is the person supposed to be writing it, while it happens? Is it supposed to be poetic, in some fashion?

it doesn't work for me.