All Comments on 'Cyber Meets Real World'

I stopped reading as soon as you said no one believed Paul was gay because he was a "solid man" and didn't seem like a "sweet tender man lover". Excuse me? You seem to believe a lot of stereotypes. I knew right then a woman wrote this, because no gay man ever would.

And you need an editor, because you keep switching back and forth between past and present tense.

Well I loved reading the story! I did not notice problems with past and present tense, but then problems with tense have never been one of my hang ups…

I do agree to some extent that the first part of the story was not the strongest I have read. I felt a bit like I was reading the notes behind the story rather than the finished story. I would also have liked it more if the background you described in the first part of the story had influenced their behavior in the sex scene a bit more directly – a hint for the next chapter?

Maybe you would benefit from an editor, but I enjoyed reading the story just the same.

All in all I would like to hear more about these two guys!

There were a couple of things I might have changed. I did notice the slips in tense but they didn't detract so much from the story in my opinion. Things like that are easy enough to correct though and I always suggest giving yourself a cooling off period of a week or so between writing and posting then reading it slowly before you post to pick things like that up... but I digress.

You write your sex scene with obvious enthusiasm for your subject matter and depicted your principle players very nicely. It might have been an idea to make the build slower and perhaps to cover the matter of how Paul appears to his friends and others in a contextual sense instead of trying to describe it, which contributed to the "stereotypical" problems of the first reviewer. If you began, say, with Paul discussing the impending meeting with his friend Momo (do I detect the author creeping into the tale here? *grin*) it might be smoother.

Don't be downhearted though, it's by no means irreparable and I'm hanging out for part two so get scribbling! *kiss*

Please continue the story. You have a great beginning here.