by cpm09
As a standalone chapter, I found this intensely confusing. There were too many characters whose involvement in the plot wasn't explained. It was just hard work.
Too short for a stand alone chapter. Needs a few more pages to ensure grabbing the readers' desire to keep alert for the next installment of what basically is a promising contribution to the genre.
Your comments are all welcome. This was my first story written and I never had the courage to post it here. English is not my first language, so it was difficult sometimes to convey what I meant to say. I had help sorting it out, though. I am revising it as I post it. Bare with me, I am just new to this writing business, and I am only doing it for fun and to see if I can. I have another story on the go and I am learning a lot. Keep commenting! Thank you.