Darkness at the Edge of a Dream

The man who was handling Steven's counseling sessions was retiring. His successor wanted to have a meeting with me to discuss Steven's case and the progress we hoped to make over the next few months. I realized suddenly, that that Steven's counseling sessions could also be over soon. That was what I wanted for him more than anything. Of course he could always go back and speak to someone anytime he felt like he needed someone to talk to, but he wouldn't have daily sessions anymore. That is if the new doctor decided he didn't.

I walked into the same office that the previous counselor had occupied. Although I'd been there many times, I was surprised at the changes in the office. The somber, dark, wood tones had been replace in favor of lighter colors and several interesting and thought provoking pieces of art on the walls.

There was a woman there, arranging the office and putting books on the shelf.

"Hi, can you tell the doctor that I'm here for my appointment," I said cheerfully. She turned her head and looked at me with a hint of a smile. She had on jeans and her ass was incredible. Bent over the way that she was it formed a big heart. She straightened up and I wished that she hadn't. But the view from the front was just as good.

She was one of those women who defy age. I could tell by the lines at the edges of her eyes that she was no spring chicken.

She stepped towards me with one hand outstretched. I touched her hand and felt something pass between us. From the way that she smiled, I was sure that she felt it too, but I was probably mistaken.

"I'm..." I began.

"Steve's Dad," she finished for me. "Mr. Rogers..." She said awkwardly.

"Buck..." I said. Her eyes seemed to mirror the smile that played across her lips. I still couldn't begin to guess her age. She carried herself like a much younger woman, but her hair was a beautiful radiant shade of gray and she had a few lines in the corners of her eyes. Her features, those beautiful sparkling eyes and that tiny upturned nose demanded my attention. I found myself trying to memorize every detail of her face.

"Uhm...after an initial assessment of Steve's case and an interview with him, I'm pretty sure that he doesn't need daily counseling sessions. I was considering moving him to a weekly schedule, if that was alright with you," she said.

I was so busy watching her talk that I really wasn't listening to her. I just stood there smiling at her, long after she was done talking.

"Mr. Rogers, you weren't listening to a word I said, were you?" she asked.

"Sorry," I said. "I zoned out for a moment there." She smiled and it happened again. She tilted her head and looked at me as if she understood.

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood," I said. Her smile grew to incandescence.

"I really am very smart too," she grinned. "You should listen to me."

For the next hour I told her as many details about what Steve had gone through. But somehow during the talk she got me to talk about things I had never told anyone. I noticed after a while that we were no longer talking about what Steve went through, but were talking more about what I went through. We talked about Molly and me. We talked about how we met and how I had always felt about her. We also talked about how I felt about Molly at that moment and how I felt about not having Molly in my life.

"Uhm, Doctor...uh?" I said.

"Oh, sorry! Van Buren," she said. "Oh hell, you can call me Abigail."

"Abigail, not that I'm not enjoying talking to you," I began. "But I'm just wondering what my feelings about Molly have to do with Steve's condition."

"A pretty much nothing," she confessed. "I just wanted to know more about you. Well that isn't entirely true. But there is kind of a method to my madness. I've read everything there is to know about Steve's experience and his treatment and to tell you the truth, my predecessor had very little to do with making Steve better." I looked at her as if she was crazy. She smiled and held up one dainty finger.

"Steve is fine," she said. "He's almost too fine. Counseling and treatment have never done anything like this before. He was held prisoner and tortured for seventy five percent of his life. He was only in a formalized educational system for three months. He was taken while in kindergarten. He has never socialized with any peer group or any group at all..." She looked dubious.

"Yet in a little less than two years, he has great manners, he behaves normally, he's learning school subjects at an exponential rate, he's polite, cheerful, responsible enough to keep a job, he drives a car and he has a girlfriend," she said. "Psychiatry and psychology can't bring about changes like that. I think it has more to do with his support system. You're his support system Buck. You've provided him with a platform of love, acceptance and support that let him know that someone always has his back, whether he succeeds or fails. It's like Steven is walking the high wire between sanity and madness. You're his safety net. If he had to worry about falling, he'd have to take much shorter, much more tentative steps, because any mistake could lead to his death. But with you down there to catch him, Steve is running across the wire at an almost ridiculous speed."

I nodded my head in understanding. She smiled and I audibly sighed. "Told ya I was smart," she grinned.

"Anyway," she continued. "We...and I say we because I'm part of team Steve now too. We have a very big challenge ahead of us. And you play a very important part of making sure that Steve continues to progress."

I just tilted my head to the side and stared at her. Her Jeans showed off every curve of her hips and butt. Her waist was tiny and her boobs weren't. Her skin was milky and she had a few freckles on her cheeks. Her eyes were the deep green of grass. I had never see eyes that green on a human being before.

"What's the challenge?" I asked. Her smile faded. She stood up and went and locked the door to her office. My eyes were riveted to the triangle outlined by the crotch of those too-tight jeans.

"Buck, I could lose my license for telling you this, so please don't tell anyone," she said. "The first part of what I'm about to tell you is something that you're going to find out soon anyway. Your ex wife is due to be released from prison sometime next month and..."

Even as she said it, my heart began to beat harder and faster on my chest. I must have looked as though I was very distressed because she was at my side in a heartbeat. Suddenly I was concentrating more on the way it felt when she rubbed my arm to calm me, than on what she had just told me.

"Remember to act surprised when the DA calls to tell you that," she said. "But that isn't the bad part. "They're letting her out on time. She did her full sentence so they can't keep her in prison for much longer. But one of my colleague's who works at the prison reached out to me for a consultation. His conclusion, his professional assessment is that Molly is bat shit crazy...that's a technical term," she smiled.

"But seriously, she blames Steve for ruining her marriage to you and her life. I think she intends to move back here to try to get you back," she said. "And if that is her intention, Steve may be in the way."

"She can't move back here," I said. "She wouldn't have a place to stay and everyone in town hates her."

"What would stop her from living in one of the nearby towns and driving in to create problems for you and Steve?" she asked.

I was stupefied. I had never expected to see or hear from Molly again. I guess I thought that she would simply fade away and in time I'd get over her and move on. Steve and I would have to prepare for Molly's possible return and the shitstorm it could bring.

As if she had sensed my thoughts, Abigail came over to me and handed me a card. "I wrote my cell number on the back," she said. "You can call me any time. Even if it's just to talk."

After that day, Molly was always in the back of my mind. She became like a malevolent ghost, always lurking in the dark places of my psyche. Every hooded figure on the street became Molly. Sure I laughed when they turned out to be a kid trying to look cool, or an old woman protecting her hairdo from a rain storm. But the threat that Molly presented was always there.

I could tell that Steve felt it too. The three of us, Steve, myself and his girlfriend, Brenda went out often and did things for fun and to help Steve adjust to his new life. Steve often mentioned Abigail, and I got the idea that he was watching my face for a reaction.

Over the next couple of months the threat from Molly dimmed. The DA had called me to tell me when her release would happen. But when that day came and went, without incident, we relaxed. As more time passed we relaxed even more until we pretty much forgot about her. Indeed the next major shake up came not from Molly but from a picnic that MHC had to celebrate Steve's class successfully completing the GED course and taking their exams.

I was sitting in the third row from the stage. It was as close as I could get. The first two rows were reserved for the students. I looked everywhere for Abigail. I was sitting with Brenda. Brenda had become like a daughter to me over the months that she and Steve had been dating. The two of them seemed to be planning their lives together, so it only seemed natural that we would become close.

As I looked across the lawn, I felt a pair of eyes on me. The first thought I had was that Molly was there. But as I scanned the crowd, I didn't see her. I did, however, spot Abigail and waved. At first I thought that she hadn't seen me because she didn't wave back. I kept trying to make eye contact with her but she kept turning her head every way but towards me.

When the presentation started, I decided that I'd try to corner her during the picnic. There were a hell of a lot of boring speeches and then they gave out the GED certificates. When they called Steve's name, Brenda and I were screaming and jumping up and down to cheer for him. I think a lot of people in the crowd were concentrating more on Brenda than on Steve.

Brenda at twenty years old was two years younger than Steve. She is barely five feet tall and weighs about a hundred and twenty pounds. A large part of that was her boobs. When she jumped up and down rubbing against me, half of the guys in the crowd must've gotten hard ons. Brenda, despite the way she looks though is very sweet and very innocent. I don't think she was even remotely aware of the sensations she was causing.

After Steve joined us, we went and got a table so we could eat before the games and festivities started. Again I felt eyes on me. I turned and saw Abigail and she didn't look happy.

As I saw her, she turned and started to walk in another direction. I jumped up and ran after her. I caught up with her as she crested one of the hills.

"Hey, Abigail, I've been looking for you everywhere," I said.

"Why, so you could gloat?" she snapped. "Or did you just want to rub it in my face. I don't know why I thought you were different. That whole soft-spoken gentle, compassionate guy act really has a lot of people around here fooled. I thought that your biggest problem was that you were a little bit stuck on that monstrous bitch you married. You really fooled me."

I was flummoxed. I had no idea where all of her anger came from. Shit, she was supposed to be a shrink. Weren't they supposed to be above that kind of thing?

A burly security guard wandered over to us. "Are you okay Dr. Vee?" he asked, looking at me.

"Abigail, I don't know what I..." I began.

"That's Doctor Van Buren to you Mister Rogers," she said acidly.

I nodded. Her words hurt me more than I wanted to acknowledge so I just looked at her. "Doctor Van Buren, I don't know what I did to anger you, but I'll leave you alone. Whatever it was, I'm sorry though."

"Yes, please leave," she spat. "Go back to your little trailer trash Barbie, with her huge fake breasts. The two of you look ridiculous together. Let me ask you a question MISTER ROGERS...obviously age doesn't matter to you when you pick a mate, but don't you think that a woman who's four or five years older than you, might make a better mate than one who's twenty years or so younger. Or are you one of those guys who just needs a young girl with big tits to make yourself feel special?"

"Doctor Van Buren, I have no idea what you're yelling at me about," I said calmly.

Her anger increased and I looked at the security guard. He looked confused too. "Uh Dr. Vee?" He said. Before I knew it she was standing in front of me poking her tiny finger in my chest.

"I'm talking about that little bitch who keeps rubbing herself all over you, and you know it," she screamed. "I really thought that we felt something that first day," she said.

"We did," I said. "Well...I did at least. I've thought about you every day since then. But I don't know what Steve's girlfriend has to do with any of this?"

Her eyes got huge. Then the look on her face turned to shock as I started to walk away. "Buck wait a minute," she said. She grabbed my arm.

"Dr. Vee?" said the security guard.

"Will you PLEEEEEAAASE, leave us the fuck alone!" she yelled at him. He put his hands up and looked at me. I shook my head indicating that I was just as confused as he was. He backed away but stayed atop the hill near us, just in case.

"She's here with Steve?" she asked flashing that multi-megawatt smile.

"Well she's here with both of us but she's his girlfriend. I hope that someday she'll be my daughter in-law but..." I began.

"Forget her, why didn't you ever call me?" she asked. She was back to poking her finger in my chest.

"Didn't you want to? Tell me that you didn't feel something the day we met?" she demanded.

"I haven't been able to get you out of my head since we met," I admitted. "But I thought you were just being nice. And you're Steve's doctor. Aren't there rules about that?"

"There are rules about dating or having relationships with your patient," she hissed. "You aren't my patient. And even if you were...didn't you notice me flirting with you? Didn't you pick up on the breathy tone in my voice when I told you to call me?"

"Dr. Van..." I started.

"Call me Abby," she cooed.

"Abby, I've only been in one relationship in my life. I was totally faithful to her for the entire time. I guess I'm out of practice with the whole flirting and dating thing," I said.

"Don't worry about it Honey," she said. "If things work out, you're not going to need to practice. You don't have to worry about learning the rules for women in general. You just have to concentrate on one woman in particular. And I'm the world's leading authority on her. Now rule number one, when I say you can call me...it means I want you to call me. I want you to call me a lot..."

That afternoon set a pattern. What had started out as me and Steve, became two couples. Steve and Brenda, and Abby and me. That afternoon, the four of us were inseparable. We ate, we talked, we laughed and got to know each other better. We competed against each other viciously in the games. But we supported and congratulated each other when the games were over. Steve and Brenda won the sack race, but Abby and I won the three legged race. That only prompted Abby to whisper that we needed some practice in the sack. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. I pulled her to me and hugged her, hard. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me back. She smelled and felt better than anything I had ever felt in my life. Our first kiss took my breath away. It was like living in a dream. I was very sure that she felt the same way.

Little did we know there was darkness on the edge of the dream. Or that it was far closer than we ever suspected.

* * * * * *

Molly

Anger filled me as I watched them in the picnic area, just down the hill from where I stood. I was behind a tree, watching them. They ate, they talked, they laughed, as if I didn't matter. They acted as if I didn't exist. It was painful watching my husband letting that whore kiss him. It had to be her. She was the guilty one. I knew her type too well. After all I used to be like her. But during my time in jail I had changed. I had discovered the divine light and redeemed myself. I wasn't that kind of woman anymore. And to be honest I was glad that I wasn't. The things I used to do had cost me my husband's love and respect. They had forced me to do things that I was no longer proud of. But I was singing in the angelic choir now. I had a special mission, a sacred duty like all of God's children to live a clean and holy life and to punish those who do evil. Steven was the spawn of the devil. He was a murderer and he was going straight to hell. I intended to help him on his Journey. But that whore needed to be punished too. And she would, but I needed to take care of Steve first. He was the primary threat. A murderer should not be allowed to live among good people.

I turned and walked away, leaving them to enjoy their last day of happiness. It was their turn now. Next would come the struggle, and then it would be my turn in the sunshine again.

The next morning, I awoke, I prayed and I started on my quest. It's surprising what you can learn about a person just by talking to other people. Small towns are especially susceptible to gossip. Like I found out that Steve, had a job and was actually attending the local community college. I placed a call to the college's administrative office.

"Good morning ma'am," I said adding an extra bit of country twang on my delivery. "Mah name is Maybelle Ledbetter and I was wondrin' if you could tell me if there are any other colleges in this area?"

"Why would you want to go anywhere else?" asked the woman on the line.

"It's not for me per se," I said. "We just moved ta this here community and I was intendin' ta register mah five oldest children. But one of tha women over at the church told me that yuh got a murderer attendin' yer school. The good lord don't cotton ta the righteous cavortin' with sinners and murderers so ah'm lookin fer a different place."

"What murderer?" asked the woman. It was so easy, I had to pause so I didn't laugh over the phone.

"Why, ah bleeve his name is, Steve Rogers, ma'am. In tha article in the paper, they talked about extenuatin' circumstances, but he done took the life of another human bein'. In the eyes of The Lord that is still murder."

By the time I hung up, I was sure that Steven would have to move to a different state to go to school. That was the first step in my plan to get him away from my husband.

Next I went to the Seven/Eleven that he worked at. I used the same strategy, but I was less successful there. The manager there tried to tell me the story about how and why Steve had killed Cletus. I wanted to stay and debate with him but unfortunately, the little bitch that Steve was going out with came In to work. As soon as she heard Steve's name her head turned towards us. She circled around to get a look at me and I took that opportunity to leave. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

The guy I tried to convince, was only a manager. It wasn't as if he was the last word on the subject. It took a couple of days but I got in touch with the regional manager of Seven/Eleven. Once I told him my story, he promised to look into it. Before the week was out, Steven had been let go.

For my next trick, I had to do something bad. But I knew in the end that I was doing a bad thing for a very good reason. I also knew that when everything was said and done, that both God and Buck would forgive me. And as my final reward, Buck and I would be together again.

So I went out one evening to the motel that I used to frequent during my sinning days. One of my cell mates had a boyfriend. He was the kind of guy who didn't need a reason to do anything. According to her he had committed a lot of crimes. And he'd done some of them, just for fun. Originally, I thought about having him either shoot Steve, or just beat the cowboy shit out of him. But then I remembered the bible. I remembered, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Then I had a flash of brilliance, that had to come from divine intervention.