by Egmont Grigor
I read very many stories in here. I am house bound, and reading is a large part of my day. I rated this with a FOUR STAR; a rating that I seldom give. I hope read many storties by the author.
U really did a good job with this one---u seem to get better with each story u write. Only can give it 5 stars, wish there was a choice for TEN!!!
the only problem i had was it was compleatly discombobulated..there was tons of talking, and tons of run on sentences, it was al i could do to get past the first page
the growth of characters is what makes a story worthy of reading; this one has it in bushel baskets. the dialogue is most excellent and is very clever at times. with work, this story could be a decent novel. it is far above the normal standard present both at this site and most others.
I really loved your story. However, I'm not sure the affair worked out - there seemed to be no ending to it really (maybe I missed something - there was the fight). But besides that kudos.
This story was as discombobulated and insanely confusing as real life.
Egmont, I love your writing style!
I loved the first part of the story. It was like, Mick Dundee meets Martha Stewart. I laughed my ass off at parts of it. The middle part, when Zane and Della went to Australia, and to his family ranch was pretty good, but I thought the language was off. Della was speaking in a half-assed Aussie dialect. After that it seemed like all the American characters sounded more Aussie than American. Kind of toned the story down a bit for me. Still, a 5 Star effort. And thanks for sharing.
Too bad Della’s fella cheats and at the slightest disturbance in their relationship. That ruined his character for me.