Discovering Christina

"What is it, baby?" I asked, as I tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"It's nothing, really. It was all just so . . . so special."

******** But, as it turned out, it was something. I found out a few days later when Christina and I met for lunch. We had talked on the phone several times since then, but her conversation seemed somehow strained. I tried to pass it off as the anxiety of a new relationship that was starting to get serious. But in the back of my mind, I feared it might be something else. After the waiter had taken our order, she began, "You know when I went home last week," she said without looking at me.

"Of course."

"Well, I ran into Brian, actually he came over to my dad's house. Daddy really likes him a lot. He was so disappointed when we broke up."

"Okay . . . "

"God, this is hard. We talked and decided that we have such a history, so much time invested in our relationship that we need to try again."

I looked up as the waiter brought our drinks and set them in front of us. My mouth was suddenly dry and I lifted the glass to my lips, never taking my eyes off Christina. "He wants to have kids," she continued, still not looking at me. "Daddy's so happy we're getting back together."

By this time I was trying to get this lump in my throat under control so I could speak. I took another long drink. "I understand," I said hoarsely, "I told you this was crazy. You need someone who's ready to do marriage and kids and all that other stuff you do when you're twenty."

We sat in silence as the waiter brought our food and arranged the plates on the table. But at this point, neither one of us had much of an appetite.

"Ross, I . . . "

"It's okay, really," I said, "It's the only sensible thing. Now let's eat some lunch."

But, of course, neither of us ate more than a couple of bites as we sat there in silence. I was thinking to myself how silly all this was, how silly I was. I'd only known Christina for a month or so. It was stupid to have such strong feelings after such a short time. But this other part of me was remembering how right everything had felt.

Finally, we gave up on the lunch, I paid the check and we walked together out the door of the restaurant. I took Christina's hand and held it as I leaned down to kiss her goodbye. "Thank you for helping me locate some feelings I didn't even know I had."

She stood on her tip toes and kissed me again, then turned and quickly walked back toward her car. I stood there with my hands in my pockets and watched as she disappeared around the corner.

********** The next few months were a blur. I immersed myself in the new shopping center development, trying to use that as a way to keep from thinking about Christina, thinking about how it might have been for us. I was living like a monk, just not feeling like socializing with anyone, let alone dating. Jackie and I hadn't enjoyed our Friday afternoon ritual since I'd met Christina those months ago. She asked me several times what had happened, but I just didn't want to talk about it.

I stopped running errands to the bank myself and sent Jackie instead. One day in early September she came back and mentioned that Shirley had recuperated from her surgery and was back at her usual spot outside Jeff Masters' door. I knew that meant Christina was truly gone.

"Good," I thought to myself, "maybe things will get back to normal now." But I knew better.

*********

Before I knew it, the holiday season was here. Thanksgiving and Christmas were always hard for someone like me with no family. I especially dreaded this year. The melancholy of the season only added to the listlessness I'd felt ever since I watched Christina turn the corner and disappear that day after our lunch. I just couldn't seem to get her out of my mind . . . to forget those wonderful feelings that she had stirred in me for the first time.

It was the Friday after Thanksgiving and I was sitting in my office staring at some plans on my desk and watching a football game out of the corner of my eye. I didn't really need to work this particular day, but it sure beat staying holed up in my loft. Like most everyone else, Jackie was taking a long weekend. She and Marvin had driven to Dallas for a few days of fun and early Christmas shopping. I wouldn't see her again until Monday.

So it surprised me when I heard the front door open. "I knew I should have locked that damned door when I came back from lunch," I grumbled. I certainly wasn't in the mood for company. Then I heard her voice . . . a voice I hadn't heard in months.

"Ross, are you in there?" It was Christina.

Not really believing it was her, I jumped up from my desk and walked quickly out to the reception area. It truly was Christina, standing there looking at me with those beautiful eyes. I stopped several feet away and just stared, still not quite sure she was real.

"Hello, Ross," she started hesitantly, "I hope you don't mind my dropping in like this."

Was she crazy? Of course I didn't mind. I was thrilled! But I did wonder what she was doing here. Actually I was sort of afraid of what she was doing here. I prayed it wasn't to tell me how happy she and Brian were.

"Of course I don't mind. And, by the way, you look terrific."

Then I saw the smile. The one I'd missed so much. The one that could light up a room. "I've really missed you," I told her sincerely. I wanted her to know exactly how I felt. "Actually, I'm not sure 'missing you' is nearly strong enough for how I've felt."

I saw her eyes fill with tears at my words, and I was about to try and find something to say that would lighten the mood a little, when she moved quickly to me and threw her arms around my neck. "God, I've missed you, too . . . so much! I didn't think it was possible to miss someone that bad."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me, lightly stroking her hair as she buried her face in my chest. "It's okay, sweetie," I said, trying to soothe her. I could tell she was crying. "I'm so glad you're here. But tell me, why are you here?"

"I just couldn't do it," she sobbed. "I tried to make it work with Brian. I tried to make Daddy happy. I tried to make everyone happy but myself." Her words trailed off as she buried her face again. The front of my shirt was streaked with makeup and eyeliner, but I couldn't have cared less.

"So, does this mean . . .?" I started.

"I don't know what it means," she interrupted. "I don't want to think about what it means right now. I just want to be with you."

And at that moment, that was more than enough for me.