Dog walking for Megan Fox?byKash_the_priest©
I turned over and looked at my alarm clock. It was one in the afternoon. I guess now was as good a time as any to wake up. I slowly got out of bed, getting to my feet and walking out of my room and into the kitchen.
"Hey man. You finally awake?" My room mate greeted me as I entered the kitchen.
"Is there coffee?" I asked, sounding as well as looking groggy, sitting opposite Will at the table.
"There was in the morning." Will replied. "You do know what time it is don't you?"
"Yeah. But when you got no work, does it really matter what time you wake up?" I replied with a question.
"Guess not." He replied.
"You got today's papers?" I asked.
"Yeah." Will replied pointing at them on the table at the side of me.
I opened the paper to the jobs section, looking to see if I could find something, anything. I hate being unemployed. It meant you had no money to do anything and how are you suppose to even attempt to pick girls up at bars when you can't even buy them a drink?
"Anything good there?" Asked Will.
"Not really." I replied. "Most of them are out of my field." I replied as I noticed something. "Hold on." I said. "I think I've found something."
"What is it?" He asked.
"Dog walker needed for a bulldog, Cairn terrier and a Boston terrier. Needed for an immediate start." I read the advert out.
"So you're gonna be a dog walker?" Will sniggered slightly.
"It's the only thing being advertised here that I can actually do." I replied scanning the page quickly with my eyes. "I'm not a plumber or a brick layer." I said using some of the adverts for jobs on the page as an example.
"Fair point." He replied.
"Anyways, what the fuck are you doing here at this time of day. Don't tell me you lost your job too."
"I've been coming home for lunch over the past week or have you not noticed?" He laughed.
"I got more important things to worry about then your comings and goings." I said getting up going to the fridge and taking out what I needed to fix myself a sandwich.
I picked up the phone and sat back down at the table, eating my sandwich, than dialling the number on the page.
"Hi." I said. "Can I speak to.... Brian?" I asked reading the name of the advert.
"Speaking." The guy replied.
"Hi. My name is Kash and I saw an advert for a dog walker." I started.
"Oh. Thank God!" The guy on the other end of the phone said. "I thought no one was going to answer the ad." He laughed. "We need someone desperately to look after them for tonight, so that's when you'll start."
"So there's no interview process or anything?" I asked.
"How are you with dogs?" He asked.
"Never had a problem with them. My brother has a dog, I use to help take care of it when I use to live at home." I said hoping that it'd help my cause.
"That's good enough for me, be side's, they're Megan's dogs not mine." He whispered and then laughed. "But don't tell her that." He added laughing some more.
"OK, so have you got a pen and paper handy?" He asked. I quickly picked a pen up.
"Yeah." I said and he gave me his address that I wrote on the newspaper and tore out.
"So be here for six tonight." He said.
"No problem." I replied and hung up.
"You finally got your ass a job then?" Will laughed.
"Even if it is something as lame as dog walking, a job's a job." I replied, getting up to hit the shower and try to look more presentable.
The address wasn't too far away from my apartment, so I decided to walk there. The main factor for my choice was the fact that I could not afford gas to drive there. I under estimated the speed that I could walk in and ended up getting there ten minutes early, so I walked up and down the street a couple of times to make time pass before walking up their drive way.
Their house looked huge, it was obvious that they must be loaded. Which reminded me, I didn't have a clue how much they were going to pay me. I was hoping it would be a lot, from the looks of their huge house, they could afford to. But then again, I had no idea how much a dog walker gets.
I walked up to the front door and rung the bell. I waited a few moments before the door opened.
"I'm Kash." I introduced myself. I was pretty sure the guy that opened the door was Brian.
"The dog walker right?" He asked.
"Come in." He said. I looked at him and thought the guy looked a little familiar.
"I'm meeting Megan for dinner, so I need you to take care of the little guy until nine. You cool with that?"
"Yeah." I replied. I couldn't help but noticed he said little guy. I thought there was more than one?
After hearing his girlfriends name, it started to hit me who he was. He was the guy that played Kyle Reese's brother in the Sarah Conner Chronicles and more importantly, that meant that the woman who he was referring to as Megan was his fiancé Megan Fox of Transformers fame.
It didn't really matter right now, seeing as though she was meeting him for dinner, which meant she wasn't in the house and was probably on her way to wherever they were having dinner from wherever she was currently at.
"OK, you're not gonna be walking a dog." Brian started.
"Really?" I asked.
"Megan's got six of them, so there's no way a total stranger is gonna be able to handle all of them, so we got that already taken care of."
"So exactly what am I gonna be doing?" I asked feeling a little confused and deceived.
"You'll be looking after Piggy smalls." He smiled.
"Piggy smalls?" I asked and Brian laughed.
"Let me introduce you to him." I followed Brian as he led me into the kitchen.
"Please don't tell me that's Piggy smalls." I said as I saw a pig sniffing at the cooker.
"Now if I put down pig walker, even less people would've applied for the job." Brian laughed. It was quite obvious that he found this hilarious.
"How many people applied?" I asked.
"Just you. But if I had written pig walker, we probably wouldn't have even had you phoning for the job."
"Yeah." I agreed, knowing in the back of my mind that I was so desperate, I probably still would've applied.
"So I walk him for two hours?" I asked.
"Hell no! This is a pig! You really think he can walk for half an hour let alone two?" Brian laughed.
"So I walk him to my apartment and then walk him back here for nine?" I asked sounding unsure.
"Bingo!" Brian said taking a leash out and putting it on Piggy smalls. "There you go buddy." Brian handed me the leash.
"What does he eat?" I asked.
"He's a pig. He eats anything." Brian laughed.
I walked Piggy smalls out of the house and Brian waved good bye as I started to lead him towards my apartment. I was pretty lucky that it was seven right now, this meant there was less people out and about and less of a chance of me being spotted by someone I might know.
So, I managed to get Piggy smalls back to my apartment and I had to admit. The thing wasn't the normal picture that you have when you think of a pig. A messy little fucker that rolls in it's own filth. This pig was very clean and didn't eat like there was no tomorrow.
I decided to kill time by putting a movie on. I didn't know which one I was gonna put on, but I decided to make some pop corn first, which made Piggy Smalls get quite excited. Guess he's a fan of popcorn. I sat down and decided to stick 'The Crow' on and watch it for the millionth time. Piggy Smalls sat at the floor.
"Dude? What the fuck?" Will asked as he entered the living room once he got home from work.
"This is the dog that I'm 'walking.'" I did air quotes as I tossed a pop corn towards Piggy Smalls mouth and he quickly opened his mouth and caught it.
"You see, I don't know if that's something he already knew how to do or if it's something I taught him in the last half hour, but it's still pretty cool." I said as I started to flick more pop corn Piggy Smalls way.
"I can't believe you agreed to do it." Will laughed sitting down beside me.
"Money makes the world go round my friend." I replied and we continued to watch the movie. Once it ended I got up and stretched.
"Come on little piggy. Time to go home." Piggy Smalls, obediently got up very quickly.
"That's a well trained pig." Will said.
"Yeah." I said as I left the house, wanting to drop him off and get back as soon as I could.
But once I got there, no one was answering the door and there was nothing in their doorway. I waited about fifteen minutes before I got bored.
"Fuck this!" I muttered under my breath as I got up. I decided to tie one end of the leash to something and leave Piggy Smalls at the front porch so they could find him once they got home, but the little piggy looked up at me with big, sad eyes and I couldn't leave the little guy there.
"OK bacon bits, you're lucky I have such a soft heart or I'd be leaving your ass here." I said as I undid his leash and started to lead him all the way back home.
"What happened?" Will asked. "Why'd you come back with the pig?"
"No one was home." I replied.
"So you're just gonna keep him?" He asked.
"Well, I was gonna leave him tied to their front porch but I just couldn't do it. He looked all scared and..."
"Have you grown attached to the pig?" Will asked with a smirk on his face.
"Fuck you! Just cause I am a nice person doesn't mean I'm attached to the ham."
"So how will they know you still have the pig?" Will raised a good point, it's not like Brian took my number or address down. Which was pretty careless on his part.
"I dunno." I said shrugging my shoulders sitting down on the couch. Piggy Smalls came up to my feet and lay down on the floor.
It was about another half hour before the phone rang and Will answered.
"Dude? The phones for you." He said covering the mouth piece. "He sounds pissed."
"Hello?" I said taking the phone from Will.
"I thought I said to bring Piggy Smalls back at nine." Brian said.
"I thought so too. I bought pork chops back at nine, waited fifteen minutes and then headed back home." I replied.
"I don't appreciate being told to be somewhere at a certain time and then being the only one to stick to the scheduled meeting. I was courteous enough to be there on time, I expected the same from you, but alas, another thing to add to the list of things that have disappointed me throughout life."
"Look, I'm sorry buddy, just bring him around and I'll pay you double. Okay?"
"Sure." I said. "Gimme about fifteen minutes and I'll be there." Just like I had said, I was over there within the next fifteen minutes.
I knocked on the door and Megan Fox answered the door. She was in a dark purple dress that was a couple of inches short of her knees, very low cut that showed her ample breasts off. She had no shoes on and was bare feet, her black hair left out.
"Oh, little baby!" She cooed as she squatted down and hugged Piggy Smalls. She spread her legs, with Piggy Smalls in between them and for that moment, I wished that I was the pig, being in between Megan Fox's legs, getting a good up skirt view.
"Here you go buddy." Brian said handing me some bills rolled up. I didn't want to insult him by checking it in front of him so I just pocketed it.
"Sorry about being so late." Megan replied, looking up at me from the floor, her lips pouting slightly.
"Yeah. Sorry about that buddy." Brian added. "Can you come back on Thursday?" He asked.
"Sure." I replied as the two said bye and headed back into the house. I took the money he gave out of my pocket to count as I started to make my way home and to my surprise, he had given me $300. Which I was quite happy about and also a little pissed off about too. That celebs can throw away this amount of money on something as little as looking after a pet for two hours.
When I got home, I didn't tell Will how much I got, he'd probably want me to pay him back for all the rent he's covered for me.
Once Thursday rolled around, I decided it would be more sensible to head out in a t-shirt and sweat pants considering how hot it was. I managed my time more efficiently this time and made it there for a few minutes before seven.
I rang the door bell and stood there, waiting for one of the two to answer and to my delight, it was Megan Fox.
"Hi!" She greeted me, standing before me in a open, light blue shirt, a shirt that probably belonged to Brian, with a black bra underneath and in faded blue shorts, which were very short.
"You're going to go out to dinner dressed like this?" I asked. "The press is gonna love this." I added laughing.
"I'm not going out in this!" Megan laughed looking down at her attire.
"Shoot! I'm guessing Brian didn't tell you?" She said, getting a bit more serious.
"Tell me what?" I asked.
"He had to re-shoot some scenes and... well... He's not here so..."
"You guys aren't going out and there's no point of me being here." I said completing what she was going to say. Megan had a sorry look on her face, biting her lower lip and her shoulders slightly raised.
"I'm sorry!" She said. I heard pig squealing and assumed it was Piggy Smalls.
"We didn't mean to waste your time." She said looking like she was flinching.
"Don't look so worried." I laughed. "I'm not some monster that's gonna beat you for getting me to come all the way out here for nothing." I laughed some more and Megan joined in.
"Do I give off violent vibes?" I asked.
"Not at all." She said. "I know I'd be pissed if someone called me out for no reason."
"Well... I just finished watching 'Dirty Sexy Money' on DVD and I have nothing better to do so I don't mind." I added.
Right then I heard something and so did Megan, she looked behind her and we both saw Piggy Smalls running down the hallway and he ran up to me, snuffling around my feet.
"I think he likes you." Megan said. "He never gets attached to someone this quickly. What did you do? Feed him for the whole two hours?" She laughed.
"I used his mouth as shooting practice with buttered pop corn." I replied squatting down and rubbing the top of his head.
"No wonder he likes you!" Megan said squatting down as well, rubbing the sides of his face with her hands. I just stayed there staring at her tits, fleshy thighs and her arched feet as she petted her pig. She was a feast for the eyes.
"It seems like he wants to hang out with you." Megan laughed as Piggy Smalls looked at me.
"I could take him for a walk if you want?" I offered.
"That would be cool." Megan smiled. "Let me just put a t-shirt on." She went back in the house, leaving me in the door way with Piggy Smalls. She came back down the stairs a minute later in a pink Marilyn Monroe t-shirt. It was no surprise considering she had Marilyn Monroe tattooed on her right forearm.
She stepped into pink flip flops that was at the bottom of the stairs at the side.
"Going with the whole pink look huh?" I asked as I looked her up and down.
"I think it makes me look cute." She said pulling the bottom of her t-shirt, looking at the front of it.
"Don't you think?" She asked as she twirled around.
"No argument there from me." I replied. Megan gave a laugh and a look that said that she already knew that I wanted her. But then again, she is Megan Fox and pretty much every man that has laid eyes on her must've lusted after her, unless they were attracted to the same sex.
"Let me just get this on this little cutie and we can get going." Megan said squatting down in front on Piggy Smalls and putting the leash on.
I found it a little odd that she used the same word, to describe Piggy Smalls that she used on herself, 'cute.'
She gave the other end of the leash to me and then shut the door behind us as we started to walk, Piggy Smalls leading the way as I held the other end of the leash.
"We'll just go to the end of the street and come back, that cool with you? Megan asked.
"Sure!" I replied.
"So how comes you took the job of walking a pig?" Megan asked.
"Well... in the advert it wasn't advertised as pig walking, the word pig was replaced with dog." I replied. Megan laughed at that.
"Should've guessed that's what Bri would do." She said.
"So you're into dogs?" She asked. I had read that she was crazy about animals so I decided to go along with it.
"Yeah. Who doesn't? But dog walking isn't my actual occupation. I recently got fired."
"How come?" She asked, looking slightly concerned.
"I dated a girl I met at a work function and never called her back."
"That's a typical guy thing to do, why would you get fired for that?"
"It turns out the girl, was the boss' daughter."
"Oh shit!" She laughed. "Hold on! It wasn't an actual girl was it? A child?"
"What?! No! She was 22!"
"Oh thank God!" Megan let out a sigh of relief. "For a second I thought you were a paedophile."
"Nice! Thanks! Just what I needed to be called by someone like you." I said.
"What's that suppose to mean?" Megan asked.
"What's what suppose to mean?" I asked.
"You said 'Someone like you.' What's that suppose to mean?" She had a slightly insulted look.
"Don't take offence to it. I didn't mean some spoilt rich girl." I laughed. "I meant a hot celeb that gets everyone's heart pumping faster from just one glance." Megan smiled. "Who actually wants a hot chick calling them a pedo?"
"True!" Megan said. "I am very hot." I just looked at her thinking she was quite narcissistic.
"I'm just kidding!" She laughed. "I was just using your words."
"Oh!" I laughed. "I was starting to think that you were self centred."
"No. I'm not. It's flattering when you get ranked high in Maxim, but I don't let it go to my head, I'm actually surprised I get rated high considering I don't think that much of my looks." She added reminding me that I read somewhere that she has a lack of self esteem in that department.
"You were voted number one in the UK on FHM and that's voted by the readers. That many people can't be wrong." I added.
"I know." She blushed a little.
"So what was it you got fired from?" Megan asked.
"I was a market researcher. I had actually worked my way up to no longer having to go around on the streets bugging people to do surveys and then that happened. It was a pretty big blow."
"You own your own place or do you live with your parents?" She asked.
"I live with a saint who's being paying my rent for my for the past two months." I replied.
"So how comes you have a pig?" I asked, quickly changing the focus to her before she could ask more questions about me.
"I just think he looks really cute. I just love animals." She replied.
"I figured. Brian said you had a bunch of dogs...."
"Six." She cut me off giving me the exact number.
"Jesus! Don't they ever get aggressive towards this little guy over here?" I asked.
"No. They actually all sleep together in a huge heap." She replied.
"Seven pets is a bit much isn't it?" Megan gave me a coy look.
"I have more."
"Really?" I asked, sounding surprised.
"I have a cat, two birds and a squirrel." She added quite proudly.
"It's a good thing you get big pay checks for movies or they'd be eating you out of house and home."
"Yeah!" She laughed.
So Brian is shooting more scenes. Is it for the Terminator series?" I asked.
"Yeah. The Sarah Conner Chronicles." She answered. "Which really sucks, cause we like to take a day off every few days so we can have sex."
I raised an eyebrow at what she said, more from surprise that she was being quite open about it.
"But then those mother fuckers called and now..." She sounded quite frustrated.
"You don't get laid?" I added.
"Exactly!" Megan said. "Now I'm gonna have to jerk off."
"Wow!" I said out loud.
"What? Does it surprise you how open I am about my sexuality?"
"Not really. I read an article once where you talked about a lesbian experience."
"So why'd you say 'Wow' for?" She asked looking a little intrigued.