All Comments on 'Dorm Room Blues Ch. 01'

The chatty author's comments, the 'unique' style, and reducing characters to initials, all made this a horrendous and ugly read. I got the feeling I was reading an adolescent's version of a script, rather than an actual story. To compound all these errors, the author makes a big deal about this being strong kink, then puts none in! Bah. A ridiculous attempt at originality. Stick to the standard method of writing - it has evolved this way because it is the best way to do it! And what the hell was that about a "Big W"? Where?

I guess for a first time effort this isn't bad. I don't understand the need for labeling the dialog. It'd be nice if the voices of the characters were different enough that we could tell them apart.

I assume the "W" will come later - not much hot action occurred in this chapter.

Ok this is great they finally posted it, I love getting feedback thanks guys!

The big "W" was a bold W that was of larger text size. Unfortunaly the people who post the stories had to edit mine because it was a .doc file. So I'm sorry about that. I will develop a new system for that. Also, the next chapter will be my attempt to improve the style based on reader comments. I realize now how stupid it was to have the diologe the way it was, and I will change it. Please keep the comments coming, as long as they are constructive.

it's a good start. Nice to get to know the charatcers right off the start. The way the dialoge is formed isn't good. Too much like a play not a story that flows. the way you list the main character's characteristics isn't that great and should be worked into the story not a list. Looking forward to the next chapters! MORE KINK!!!

I think this is a good start and I am looking forward to reading further installments.

Terrible writing.