All Comments on 'Dragon Clans Bk. 01 Pt. 12'

Mostly editing and formatting. Also, I had tried to put up a comment on Chapter 11, but something went wrong with that, so I'll repeat what I wanted to say in that comment in this one. You need to warn the readers, or at least provide a clear, defined boundary, when you switch to a flash back or to different locations or people. You did a bit better in Chapter 12, but 11 was problematic. Also, you have displayed a tendency to specifically name an item, rather than give a general name or a description. For example, in Ch. 11, you used "Ducati 696" to "describe" the vehicle that Tera used to get to Michael's place. What the hell is a Ducati 696? A motorcycle? Car? Truck? Bicycle? Please don't use the specific names of items because not everyone knows what they are and most don't want to waste the time trying to find out. Either give the specific name followed by a general name, like Ducati 696 motorcycle or the Sigarms R93 rifle, just give a general name, or give a description that could allow the reader to visualize the item. Still, despite all this criticism, the story is interesting enough for me to keep reading, it just needs to be improved upon.

Too-to, loose-lose, bare-bear...you haven't used them correctly ONCE! Are you TOO good TO use a proofer? Your LOOSE use of grammar may LOSE you this reader, and votes. You're to BEAR in mind poor grammar makes you look BARE butt silly.

Again this is a fantastic story.

Though I have a question. First for this example, lets call Ian and Nicholas gods. So if the rule is that two gods are free to war with each other but a god may not war with a person in ascension to become a god.

Nicholas has already made 3 attempts on Micheal's life. He further told Ian of his purpose before Ian reminded him of the rules. Nicholas reluctantly conceded but then vowed to have Micheal's heart in his hand.

Now at the point, where Ian had Nicholas dead to rights, why didn't he order the 3 snipers to fire and have Ian do his thing to kill Nicholas? Surely these actions are justified because gods can war with each other all they want and Nicholas is not the least convincing when he says he will leave Michael alone until his ascension. So why the inaction?

Thanks for posting

I disagree with Jedi Khan below. A copy and paste into Google will explain everything you don't know. Further the act of looking it up will ingrain into your mind what it is. The details remind me of a Tom Clancy novel which is awesome.