Educating Pam Ch. 08

Again there was no response. Christmas Eve I sent her a Christmas card from one of the on-line greeting card websites.

Two days later I got one back from her but the only message was "Love Pam."

At least I knew that she was alive. I started writing to her every week. I asked how she was doing and told her what was happening with my life as well. I had a pretty large collection of jokes that people had emailed me over the years so I had a "Joke Of The Week" spot in the message.

Things were changing for me during that time. Right after Christmas, in a small town about 15 miles from where my office was, I had seen a house that was being remodeled that had a couple of storefronts set into a ground level basement. There was a sign across the top that said "Apartments & Retail Space Available." One day when I was driving through the town I saw lights on inside of one of the stores so I stopped in. The guy that was working inside was the owner of the building. We talked for a while and he seemed to be pretty decent. When I had first rented my office, it was a one year lease with six month renewals after that. It was coming up the end of February which was okay with the owner of the building I was looking at as it gave him time to get everything done without having to rush. The rent was about the same as I was paying for my office. I left him a deposit and he had everything done for the middle of February and that is when I moved in.

I haven't mentioned it before but I had a small part time business selling antiques. It was specialized and mainly I had started it to pay for additions to my own collection. I would sell at antique shows, flea markets, as well as on-line. My thought was to use this location to as a antiques shop and run the computer business out of there as well. My goal was to eventually get out of the computer business altogether. After 24 years I was pretty well burned out. I kept sending Pam an email every week but she never wrote back.

March passed by quickly. I still wasn't ready to open the store yet but I was getting there a little bit at a time. Plus the computer business had picked up again and I didn't have as much time to spend on the place as I would have liked. I was pretty much sure by then that I was never going to hear from Pam again. But I kept sending the emails.

The last Monday in March I got to the shop early, went on line and downloaded the email from the weekend.

There was am email from Pam with the subject line, "I am sorry." I read the rest of the email that had come in and saved that one until last. Actually I was afraid to read it. I just had this feeling. But finally I clicked on it and this is what I read.

My Dearest

I am sorry that I haven't written to you sooner. I have read every one of your emails to me and they have been the only joy that I have had these past few months.

I really tried the first few weeks to make it work but soon every day was a cloudy day. I got a job the beginning of February in a doctor's office. We don't need the money but I needed to do something to get away from this house, otherwise I don't know what I would have done.

I am ashamed to tell you that I have put on weight. A lot of weight. And Pam also likes her wine. It doesn't make things any better but it doesn't make things any worse either. I still wear panties to bed every night. He is pissed about it and we fight about it all the time but I don't really care. I haven't touched myself either. I just feel so damn numb to everything. The kids tried to cheer me up at first, but now they have pretty much given up on me.

The only person from home I have talked to is my mother. I've been avoiding everyone else. Even Kathy called one time and I couldn't talk to her.

I am sorry. I wish I had something happy and nice to tell you, but those two words have disappeared from my life.

Love Pam.

"Son of a bitch!" I said after I read it. This wasn't right and her damn husband should have done something to try and get her some help. I was going to reply right back to her but I decided to wait and think about what I was going to say.

I sent this to her later that day.

Damn it Pam!

I was happy to finally hear from you but after reading the email, I am very upset.

You are not hurting him, you are hurting yourself, your kids, and everyone else who loves and cares for you.

This is NOT right!

Things happen in life that we have no control over. Some are nice things and some aren't very nice. I know that all too damn well. You have to come to terms with it.

I care about you. I'm not going to say that if we had never met that this still wouldn't be happening. But we did meet and I have a right to be concerned.

Get some help, Pam. For your sake and for your kid's sake.

I love you.

I didn't hear anything back from her the rest of that week and the week after as well. Not that I really expected to, but I hoped. When I had moved into the shop I had sent her my new address and phone number as well but she never called either.

The next Monday which was two weeks after I had sent that email, I had to do some work at a client before I headed over to the store. I got there around noon and got the email from the weekend. There was an email from Pam. The subject was "Damn It!"

Like before I read all the other ones and opened her email last. She had written it on Saturday night at 11:30 PM.

These were her words.

My dearest.

I too was upset when I read your email. I didn't know what you were going to say, but the last thing that I expected was a good kick in the ass. I cried for a long time after I read it. And I read it again and again.

You are right and I have been a selfish fool. I made my decision and I can't keep punishing my kids and everyone else because of it.

This past Monday I started on a diet. It is going to take time and hard work to lose this weight but I will. I have cut back on the wine as well. One small glass at supper is all I am allowing myself. I talked to the kids last Monday when he wasn't around and apologized to them for the way that I have been acting and promised them that it wasn't going to happen again.

I also stopped wearing panties to bed last Monday. He didn't even notice until tonight. Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, without even a kiss or a thank you. So I am sitting on a towel writing this email as his sperm runs out of me. After I send it, I am going to run a bubble bath and spend some time touching myself and thinking of the times that we had together.

I miss you so very much and I promise that I will be writing more. Feel free to keep kicking me.

Thank you and I love you

Pam