All Comments on 'Evening Splendours'

while calling you a twat etc. is completely uncalled for, this does need work. if you like writing as a form of expression, a good idea is to either take a course in it, or read some books on storytelling. i give you a lot of credit for trying. limpdicks like the one making those rude comments don't have the balls or talent, so they cut down others.

good luck

The first comment is totally uncalled for, and should be ignored altogether. The arsehole who wrote it obviously doesn't know the first thing about character development, plot construction, and other aspects of story-writing. As to the second comment, the person who writes it seems to care about your chances of achieving what you want, and suggests a coursein writing. For me, this story works as it is. It captures the hesitancy, nervousnerss of the person who has taken her courage in both hands and launched out into a hitherto unknown sea. It is true that the eroticism doesn't exactly set the page on fire, but what the hell - the point is well made, the girl gets her experience, and she learns from it. We don't know if this will germinate into a whole new life style, but that is not what the story is about. I like these small cameos, these stories of a single incident of high significance to the participants, especially to the one who initiates it in an experimental fashion.

I hope this writer keeps on writing. Her work is careful, her grammar and spelling are ten times better than the majority on this site, and her focus on a small detail here and there is exciting in an almost poetic way - beyond the intellectual capacity of some readers, of course, but well worth developing.

Keep it up, lady. I'm looking out for other examples of your work.

[I've noticed lately that these comments are printed with spaces where they are obviously not intended. Please don't blame me!]

This story shows wonderful promise. I love the way you slowly unveil the characters, letting me discover who they are and what they want. While it leaves questions unanswered, it also leaves me tantilized about then and wanting to read more to find the answeres: what made Annie want to try lesbian sex? How did she meet Lamia? What's Lamia up to... some kind of scam? That's a good, teasing start.

The story feels unfished, however. Less like Chapter 1, than like half of Chapter 1. Still, if you can promise me that there will be a Chapter 2, I will forgive you. ;)

Ignore Twat-Boy.

While not the best written story it was far from bad. I found it entertaining and engaging. It would be nice to have a little more character development for Lamia and maybe a little more 'environmental' description to add to the atmosphere but these are hardly unique to your story nor are they fatal flaws. I look forward to the next installment.

WTF. Story is incomplete. Don't publish until you have finished writing. Otherwise you are cheating your readers. The story is well-written and I am ready to keep on reading. But don't cheat. If your posting is incomplete, advertise it as such in your description.

it was short wham-bam in the out