All Comments on 'Everyone Loves My Ass Ch. 05'

this is one of those stories that fills you in, with hot/short sexual touching. You really out done you self, even though I'm not a huge fan of long written back and forth talking, this story I can make an exception because it's just that damn good....on the strip joint, nice should be interesting, possible suggestion: Dawn obviously will fuck Paul, but maybe she'll be joined by a fellow stripper or she'll fuck another guy also in the time being and yeah. keep it up and keep us enthused

Definitely my favorite chapter, although in the comments on a previous chapter, you said that you were done with Paul's friends as far as the plot was concerned, and now Mom has held Rick's dick in her hand and Donny has gotten involved. I wonder where you are going with this aspect of the story. I liked, though, that she said that having sex with Paul's friends would be cheating and something she wouldn't do, while at the same time affirming that her and Paul's relationship is fundamentally different. Again, I loved the chapter and would like to see Paul have a threesome with Dawn and Mom so that it could be told in real time as opposed to a memory of Paul's. Of course, eventually you're gonna have to include the father in on the action, which just means more wonderful chapters for all of us to enjoy. I'm enjoying this story just as much as "Conflicted" because the mother-son stuff is right up my alley and EldridgeinOO specifically has shied away from that. :( Anyways,...can't wait for more! --- Mike

...yeah, that was my intent, to be done with Rick and Donny. I guess you'd just have to witness the bizarre process I employ to write these stories, in order to understand how stuff like that happens. I didn't intend to use them again, and now here they are again, in a larger role than before.<p>

The reason things like this happen is that I haven't the slightest clue myself what will happen in these fictional stories I write. Sure, I know exactly what will happen in the non-fiction stories ("Angelina," "Sisters" and "Stacey," primarily) because I'm merely recounting those stories from fond memory, but in the case of the fiction stories I have no more of a clue than you do as to what will happen next, whenever I sit down to write a story.<p>

Reason being, I completely wing them. I have nothing planned in advance. Whatever pops into my head, once I begin writing, I just go with it. Often as not, I end up going places that are completely surprising to me, and the opposite of where I'd intended to go. I'm fairly stunned sometimes, by the end of some of my stories. I had no clue I'd end up there, or that any of the stuff that happened along the way would come out of me.<p>

"Summer Voodoo" is the ultimate example of this. That was supposed to be a simple follow up to the "Honeymoon" series of Summer stories, and I only intended it to be three or four pages. Next thing I know, I'm writing a mini epic, eleven pages, in a completely different story genre; one I'd never visited before.<p>

What happened here, in chapter five of "Ass," is that I sat down to write it, and all I knew was that Dawn and Paul would start off in Dawn's car. I needed to get them out of the house and on the road, if this story was ever going to move forward to its ultimate destination, which was spelled out in the preface to chapter one: how Dawn came to be an ass model. In theory, everything so far has been background, towards that one goal. It's all been character exposition.<p>

So, anyway, all I ever have is one sentence, whenever I begin a new story. I just need one opening sentence, to get the ball rolling. After that, I just let it all pour out, and whatever happens, happens.<p>

In this case, I had them in the car, talking. Next thing I knew, I wanted Paul to describe his side of things with mom, since we really hadn't heard his side yet. Before too long, there we were, in a fuck story version of "Tuesdays With Morrie," where the chapter is one long conversation between two people, plus one recollection scene from Dawn.<p>

Going in, I'd planned to at least get Paul and Dawn together, finally, but before I knew it, damn, I was up to five pages already. In order to also include the strip club scene this thing would've ended up being nine or ten pages, probably, which means it would've at least been another couple days before I submitted it.<p>

I didn't want to wait that long. I knew I was already way overdue for this chapter five, because of all the time off I took to do my re-editing and re-submitting project of my entire catalogue. So, I decided to get this one out, a.s.a.p., and now chapter six is when the hammer comes down on Dawn.<p>

None of this was the plan, but this is just how it all worked out. Funny thing is, I actually really like this chapter. I love how it turned out. I find it to be... different, and interesting.

50,000 lines of comments just to say, "I have no fucking clue what I'm doing!" <p>

And they call ME long winded. :P <p>

As for your chapter, yeah, yeah, smoking hot MILF mom, lucky lucky lucky bastard son, couple of his buddies who are losing their minds over what's happening with the MILF, and in the meanwhile, poor little Dawn still hasn't gotten fucked. <p>

I keep telling that girl, I'd treat her much better than you! Hehehe. <p>

When's chapter six out? ;)

She knows, oh yes, she knows. As soon as she graduates from UCLA, you'd fire her. Too old. Her useful shelf life with you... all used up. Kick her out onto the street, then it's onto the next gaggle of cheerleaders who barely are of the age of consent.<p>

Dawn don't play that. Dawn will be even hotter after college than she is now. While you're off chasing after little girls in your ice cream smutmobile, Dawn will be blossoming into a world class WOMAN; something about which you have neither any knowledge, nor interest.<p>

Fortunately, all is not lost, where you're concerned. For one thing, you've still got yourself a pretty bad ass story working there. For another, you'll never run out of nubile post-pubescents, so you could still be writing that story long after Pujols finishes going bald from all the 'roids and HGH.<p>

Just know this: You ain't getting your mitts on Dawn. You couldn't even begin to appreciate her. Face it, Teenybopper Svengali, you don't deserve her.<p>

:-)<p>

Oh, and I begin writing chapter six tomorrow. Should be up on the site in about four days, or thereabouts. Sorta depends on how much time I have to spend on your story, helping you to turn end tables back into beautiful woman.<p>

:nap lajoie:

So actually letting a hot young girl enjoy her brother is a scam now, huh, cock blocker? Everyone in your story's gotten to fuck, except the one girl EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE FUCK! <p>

If that's a scam, my girls will happily reply to a few more emails from Kenyan princes! <p>

As usual, the srg crybot factory is short on satisfaction :P <p>

Except in laughter. Besides, cock blocker supreme, you didn't let Kelsey get fucked until chapter NINE!<p>

Dawn won't have any beef with me, not after this next chapter. She may wince and fidget in her seat from now on, whenever she looks at jalapenos, but she certainly won't be suffering from Chapter Eight Cock Blocking Syndrome. :-)

Ok, I would just like to take the opportunity to get a word in edgewise between the homoerotic foreplay between Edlridge and stevie and point out a few things... 1. After the kids were born, Dad had a vasectomy. 2. Mom has never cheated on Dad and has no reason for condoms or going on the Pill. 3. Paul has the most potent sperm of all time and just had unprotected sex with Mom where he ejaculated deep inside of her womb. ...I hope that you, stevie, can see where I'm going with this. I know that you are new to the incest category, but many, if not all of us raging, horny goats love us some good ole fashioned incest babies. Even if you are determined to crush all of our collective hopes and dreams, the fact that unprotected sex occurred could be a definite talking about amongst any combination of characters in a future chapter. Or, you could take the lame way out and have Mom on the Pill for some stupid reason like regulating her period or some such shit. But will you do that? Will you rape our dreams from us? You're not a rapist.....are you?

See, once mom saw what a raging stud her son was, she instantly marched him down to dad's nut-snipping doc and she got him his very own vasectomy too. She didn't want to become a grandma, not just yet. While they were there in the mall, they also popped on over to mom's OB-Gyn and they got Dawn started up on the pill. All this happened at the begnning of summer, or just as soon as mom saw that Dawn was going to continue wearing her bikini around all the boys, and all the boys were constantly getting hard-ons over her.<p>

Or something like that. :-)<p>

Seriously, mom and Dawn are on the pill. I can assure you, there are no incest babies forthcoming, not in this story. That's the very last thing mom or Dawn want. It wouldn't do anything for me, either. Mom's just finding her sea legs again, and Dawn's off to college. Either one of them getting pregnant now would be a total trainwreck.<p>

Also, keep in mind, I'm basically writing this for Eldridge, off of a joke we made about ass models, and Eldridge can't even stomach the idea of 26 year old girls. 26 year old thighs, 26 year old pussy, the mere thought puts him right to sleep, where he can happily dream of sabermetrics.<p>

Point being, he'd run a wooden stake through my forehead if I got any of these perfect women pregnant, thus making them...FAT! Mom's already way too old for his tastes. He doesn't even like having mom in this thing. He'd much rather it be nothing but Dawn and her cheerleader friends, with Paul occasionally getting in on the action. No women though, please. Only girls. So, as far as he's concerned, it's bad enough already that I have mom in this story, but to make her (or Dawn) pregnant (fat) too? The horrah!<p>

Oh no, he wouldn't cotton to any of that. These women have to stay svelt and perfect and forever in school. Grudgingly, he'll allow them to grow up enough to enter college, but they're never allowed to graduate, because once they do, they're old and washed up and he no longer has any use for them.<p>

Btw, if he and I are in fact engaging in homoerotic foreplay in these little post-story missives, just know this: I'm Greg Maddux, and he's Javy Lopez.

Did you READ what we do to cheerleaders??? Dear Lord. :O Does a gay guy even think those things are possible? :) <p>

Oh, stevie, stevie, stevie. First off, the word is "svelte", not "svelt." <p>

Second, old fart, you're Jamie Moyer, and I'm Johan Santana. Try to keep these delusions of grandeur of yours in check, will ya?

....miss the point. Of course you would. You were all giddy and shit over pointing out missing "e" typos! Seriously, you didn't do so well on your SATs, especially those "find the correlation" questions, did you?<p>

Let's try this one again, and let's see if this time maybe you can noodle it through...<p>

Jamie Moyer and Johan Santana both do...what?<p>

Now, compare what they do with the correlation between Greg Maddux and Javy Lopez. See, that correlation would closely resemble ours!<p>

Light coming on yet, oh wearer of the tools of ignorance?<p>

:line shot off the wall:

I LEAD the cheerleader horde, I don't trail at the back like you do :P <p>

And for you to assume you're Greg Maddux, I mean, please. Merkin Valdez, if you're lucky. <p>

Now get back to the bullpen with your boner.

My rating is based on reading the comments, not the story.

stevie, of course I completely forgot the most obvious answer: forced sterilization of Paul by Mom (do Mom and Dad have first names by any chance?)...how could I have missed that? Oh and btw, for two guys who claim to be straighter than an arrow, both your and Eldridge's comprehensive knowledge of gay porn stars is both simultaneously amazing and eerily disturbing. Chapter six is done, ya?

Dunno if you're joking or not, but these have all been baseball players we've been mentioning; not gay porn stars. :-)<p>

I suppose they could still be the same thing though, right?<p>

In case it wasn't already obvious, Eldridge is a huge baseball guy, so that's why you're seeing all the baseball references here.<p>

As for mom and dad's names, yeah, mom's has been mentioned a few times, here and there, throughout the story. It's Samantha, or Sam, for short. I think dad's has only been mentioned once, and it's Doug.<p>

Their names don't come up much because kids and their friends typically don't refer to the parents by their first names. Dawn and Paul refer to them as mom and dad, and Rick and Donny refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. Summers, though way back in chapter two mom did try to break Rick of that habit, by insisting he call them Sam and Doug, or even just mom and dad. Even the parents themselves typically don't use their own names when addressing each other; going instead with "honey" or "babe" or "sweetie" or whatever.<p>

As for chapter six, I'd meant to write it yesterday and today. Instead, I've been dong so much editing on Eldridge's incredible chapter twelve of "Conflicted" that I still haven't gotten back to my own story yet. As good as his next chapter is, I don't mind.

Don't mess with baseball now, ya hear? <p>

:)

I don't follow baseball all that much, but I knew who Greg Maddux was and I just couldn't resist the dig, as it went too well with the discussion. Btw, Go Dodgers! Manny FTW!

I hope that Dawn doesnt get gangbanged for her first time. So far you've kept the story "intimate" and have found that magical spot between barely believable plot and hot dime novel erotica. It's a fun story, so please keep the characters..in character and not let them degenerate into mindless lust driven sex bots. Thanks and keep up the great work.

...confusing me with EldridgeinOO. :-)<p>

Hey Just looking out for the next installment. Any chance of it coming soon?

it's an H spot winner)You wouldn't appreciate a photo of my pussy, you pervert, it's POST PUBESCENT.

I'm the one who likes real women. Eldridge is the one who insists on nothing but teens. I like a smart, mature, confident woman. He considers a woman's useful shelf life to be expired the moment they reach the age of twenty six, or graduate college, whichever comes first.<p>

Btw, I didn't say I wanted to see your pussy. I said you are a pussy, so take a picture of yourself and post it; that way, you could at least provide us with something worthwhile.<p>

In the meantime, what do you do? You run around hatefucking people's stories with garbage scores, and you do so anonymously, of course. You don't have the courage to sign your cowardly comments, and you don't have the courage to post any stories of your own.<p>

You don't even comment on the stories for which you leave your garbage scores. You just drop a horrible score and a nasty comment, then you run off to your next enema. You're nothing but a pox.

...but I can't say how soon. I've got half of it written already, but I've been so tied up in editing both Eldridge's series and my own catalogue that I just haven't gotten back to finishing chapter six of this series.<p>

I know I need to finish chapter six, and I will.

"You wouldn't appreciate a photo of my pussy, you pervert, it's POST PUBESCENT." <p>

Well, at least we've figured out what you are now. You're a fat nazi dyke who hates stories about hot girls, since the only attention your blubberwhale ass got in high school was when guys told you to stop fucking hogging five chairs at the same time while stuffing your face with sixteen hot dogs. <p>

Congratulations on being the saddest fucking cunt on the planet. I shouldn't have called you a cunt drool, though, because that would have implied that your cunt can actually get wet, and we both know that the only reason you're so pathetic and bitter is because no man has ever touched your 800 lb gorilla ass. Don't be angry honey, find some other fat bitch to cuddle up with and maybe you too will know love someday.

I used to like reading comments on stories. It gave me a chance to read about stories I would have normally missed or skipped by. Now I ahve to read about Nazi Cunts and all the rest of the diatribes and tirades. Why hasn't the Lit, staff done something to control this? It's there in the rules everyone has to read and agree to. You make comments like this, you get your ass handed to you and you're out. I can only assume then that this keeps going on because the people who run this site either enjoy reading this shit, or they are the anonymous trolls themselves. Whatever the reality of it is, this crap has no place being on this site. This is a story, am I right? This is fiction, am I right? This section is to let the writer know where his story lacked in content, structure, grammar etc., right? When did it become the section for people to attack each other personally? This should be called the Fuck You Asshole Portal because that's all I read here. It truly is sad that writing has become the next contact sport for retards to show off their lack of intelligence. Hmmmm Olympic Offencive Commentary, the next entry? I'm sure if I return in a while the visionary insulters will attack me as well and find fault with what I've said. This is a small sandbox children, there are enough toys for everyone to play with, play nice with each other and behave yourselves. My sincere apologies to Stevie for wasting space in his comments for this.

..."This section is to let the writer know where his story lacked in content, structure, grammar etc., right?" and then what did you do? You dropped a 0 score on me, without giving a single explanation as to why?<p>

Nothing at all from you about content, structure, grammar, etc. Just a 0 score, which should be reserved for the absolute dregs, which this story most certainly isn't.<p>

Point being, you might want to follow your own advice. How about giving an actual comment about the story, and some sort of explanation for giving it the worst score possible?

fucking awesome! I can't wait for the next part. I can honestly say I wouldve change a thing. Keep doing what it is you're doing.

-heffer (because I don't currently have an account here)

This is a fantastic series and i was just wondering when the newest chapter comes out? Great job BTW

...I will finish it, one of these days. I've had it half-written for a month, but I've spent this past month doing nothing but editing the rest of my story catalogue, along with EldridgeinOO's "Conflicted" series.<p>

I'm probably a week or so away from finishing up all the editing projects, then I'm going to commit myself to finishing chapter six. I've already got three full Lit pages written; I'm just struggling with the motivation to finish it. This chapter six is such an unfamiliar type of chapter for me that I find myself still searching for it.

how much time should we have to wait for the next chapter

I have to say that I was surprised by the eroticism between the mother and daughter. That portion has been extremely well written throughout the series. I could probably do without so much "recap of what happened" but I understand it helps build the tension and explain the motivations of each character.

Under the heading "leave 'em wanting more" you should note that we really want a super extended session between mom and Dawn. Of course, we want to see what happens between sis and bro on the trip... strip bar? Wow... that sounds fun. We can also see some action with dad coming later.

The series is amazing. The session with her brother and Lisa losing their virginities was the best. Hell, I even loved the cake orgy. ;) Keep up the good work. We all will pray to your muse for inspiration.

lets get to the rest, waiting for the finale.

the story itself, or the back and forth between you and Eldridge. Then again, I'm sitting here watching a curling commercial. "Hurry, hurry, hard!" Hmm...

Okay, story. I enjoyed the recap and the nature of the conversation between Paul and Dawn. It was nice to take somewhat of a break in all the action, and the whole talk serves to ultimately bring Paul and Dawn closer anyway. I'm glad that Lisa gave Paul her permission to be with Dawn during their trip.

Oh, and Jamie Moyer, FTW! - Anna

The mother is annoying the hell out of me!!!! Dawn is supposed to be the sexy one, not her!

Why does it have to be an either/or deal? Where do you think Dawn gets her sexiness? That face and body of hers came from somewhere, you know. Dawn's relaxed, flirty attitude also comes from Sam, so if you like Dawn, you ought to like Sam too. Besides, Dawn doesn't mind at all that Sam is so hot. She doesn't see it as a competition, and she certainly doesn't think Sam is stealing her thunder. Quite the opposite; she loves it, and she wholeheartedly encourages it.

Why would you be annoyed by having one more sexy woman? Isn't that a good thing? Her being sexy too isn't detracting whatsoever from Dawn, so what's the problem?

Well, it was nicely written, and it had delightful twists and turns, but the way Dawn kept being teased, the way you kept denying her that final fullfilment, killed the story for me. :-/ I got more and more annoyed the more I read, the more EVERYone but Dawn got cock, I'm not even going to finish it, because I am just too annoyed now. Sorry for the harsh words. It's a good story though, just not my cup of tea I suppose.

All good teases must eventually arrive at a payoff, and you're standing at the precipice. If you've enjoyed the story so far—excepting Dawn's lack of fulfillment—then I invite you to do yourself a favor and take that leap into the next chapter.

When you went back to rewrite and expand the previous few chapters, it caused some minor continuity issues. At the start of this chapter when they were in the car, they talked about the "accident" at the table. The rewrite was that it was all in the open about them actually fucking, but in this chapter the original version of teasing is referred to.

The minor issues add up on the rewrites, I like the new content, but I feel the environmental details are lacking, such as character positioning and some lines being out of character.

For example, you dont mention how Sam is sitting until the middle of the scene. Sam lost some of the "seductress" feel by saying some overt things like, "He was fucking me".

I love your writing style due to your attention to detail and building passion (denying Dawn = hawt). Just hoping to see the usual standards I have come to enjoy. With all that said, they are small complaints, at most takes a 5.0 to a 4.9. Keep up the great work.

I would respectfully ask you to read the story again since you seem to have missed those details yourself. For starters, there is no continuity error regarding the discussion of the "accident" at the kitchen table. Nothing (substantial) changed there during the rewrite, either in what actually happened or how the characters described it. Throughout chapter four the scene at the kitchen table was continually referred to as an accident by all three of them, especially at the time it first happened. Yes, Sam eventually tells Dawn she was fucking Paul, but that was there in the first version too. She intimates it very strongly as it was happening, then tells Dawn point-blank that she was fucking him when she was torturing Dawn with the dad after Paul had left to take his shower.

Regardless, she and Paul continually refer to it as an accident all throughout the kitchen table discussion because that's how it started: as an accident. Paul never referred to it any other way, either with Sam as the time or with Dawn when describing it later. It always began as an accident to Paul so having Paul and Dawn refer to is as an accident during the car scene fits perfectly with how I laid it out in chapter four.

As for Sam's positioning, no, I do not wait until the middle of either scene to describe it. In the kitchen scene I mention right away that she came over and sat in Paul's lap, and everything happens from there.

Here it is, right from the beginning of the scene...

She got up and walked around the table to give Paul a hug. Draping her arms around his neck, she dropped herself into his lap, and her eyes shot wide open!

"See? I told you! He's a total stud!" I said, laughing at Mom's reaction over landing right on his throbbing cock.

"Oh my god, Dawn, he's so big...and so hard," she said, nearly moaning. She quickly sat up to let him reposition himself; when she lowered her bottom back down into his lap, both their eyes shot wide open!

"Mom! Wait!" shouted Paul.

"Oh god, baby!" she said, half laughing, half moaning.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to!" he said in a panic.

They fidgeted again. She sat up, then they fidgeted some more.

"Wow! Not even gonna give a girl a little warning, huh?" she said, with the hugest grin ever. She gave him a big, warm hug, including a happy kiss.

Beginning with that first moment when she moves over to sit in his lap I kept up a running account of her positioning, including each time she fidgeted and/or repositioned herself.

During the couch scene with the boys in this chapter I described each of her positions from the very start, whether it was facing the TV while lying on her side, facing Paul while lying on her side, rolling onto her stomach, rolling onto her back, stretching out across all three of the boys or sitting up to snuggle against Rick while pulling Paul in close against her from behind.

Check it again. I assure you, there are no continuity errors.

I love this whole series, just a shame how the end of the series got a bit shorter. You are an amazing incest writer, love your detail and description. As well as your unique situations and consequences. This series has been a joy to read.

Love your writing ...great story. Thank you.

More...

...Paul tells Dawn their mom ended up sucking off Rick and Donny, but then he tells Dawn nothing of the sort. BIG continuity issue, there. However, it didn't ruin the story too much. I love the almost agonizing drawing out of every last detail in this story, by the way. Makes things even hotter!!

There are no continuity errors. Sam doesn't suck off Rick or Donny in this chapter, nor does Paul make any mention of such a thing. Sam only sucks off Paul in this one, during their Movie Night together on the couch. Dawn blows Rick underwater during the pool scene, and she mouths all three boys through their swimshorts, but no one ever sucks off Donny in this chapter.

I feel like an idiot for glossing over the "everyone away" in the phrase of "..blew everyone away at the pool party..." Total misread on my part. So sorry about the criticism I threw down! I really dig the story and hope you continue it. Feel free to check out my story series and comment, also!

Just giving out blowjobs, left and right! Nice!

Yep, Paul would have definitely told Dawn about that! Hell, if Sam HAD blown everyone at the pool party, she certainly would have included Dawn too, and vice versa.

:-)

I'll make sure to check out your stories.

You have a great story here. I love the characters, I love the plots and scenarios. I love the sex. BUT I want the sibs to get together, its too drawn out, it's like watching the opening of Al Capone's vault. All this build up and your thinking what's it like when's it going to happen then (end of chapter) it goes to commercial. Then it comes back (next chapter) more build up... Again nothing. UHG!!!!!

Yet at the same time you put in all this amazing sex and character interaction that I want more and more UHG!!!!

I wish the sibs could just do it already and then continue the story. The characters you have created could go on for 20 even 30 or more chapters. The way you describe her I see her going to California and making it big then bringing her girlfriends out as her Entourage his buddies as security and her mom and dad as agent and manager and having an amazing open relationship between them all.