"I am a victim of my time
A product of my age
There is no truth in my obsession
I was a holy man, but now
With all my trials behind me
I am weak in my conviction
Even though I walk to try and get away
Knowing that someday I'll finally have to face
The fear that will come
From knowing that the one thing I had left was you,
And now you're gone..."
~"Nothing at All" ~ Santana Feat. Musiq
Even now, sitting alone in my jail cell, I look back on events past with a somewhat wry smile. What brought me here you ask? Pleasures of the flesh my son...pleasures of the flesh.
Glancing out the window of the sacristy while donning my priestly garb that chilly October day, I couldn't help but notice the graceful swagger of a beautiful blonde walking down the aisle of the church away from me. And my oh my, what an ass on that, I thought, then scorned myself for such a slight.
As I walked down the aisle a bit later to take my place on the alter, my head bobbed slightly to my right to catch a glance of the vixen who had caught my eye earlier. Big brown eyes and lips to die for were icing on the cake of her heart shaped elfin face. Her eyes met mine for a second, and I turned my head. Lord help me.
As the mass dragged on, I caught myself catching furtive glances at the young woman. She was very attractive, and the more I thought of it, I remembered her name...Cassy, short for Cassandra. I remember the younger children at our parochial school calling her that when she would stop by to read to the aspiring heathens.
Scornful toward the church, I was. Driven by passion in many aspects of my life, also I was. Something was drawing my eyes continually back to her, to the graceful arch of her long, graceful neck, to the swell of her breasts under the tan fabric threatening to break at any moment. I caught myself, and said the final blessing.
Later that night, alone in the church office, I looked through the school's computerized filing system.
I typed in Cassandra...for any matches.
The computer whirled for a minute, then up popped a box on my screen.
"1 match has been found for your query."
I smiled anxiously.
The file was quite a read. Having noted that Cassandra Willingham had attended the church's small parochial grade school, and had graduated the eighth year with honors, earning herself a Thomas Aquinas medal for Scholarship, Volunteering and Service.
Service to whom? I thought.
Sweat rolling down my back awakened me late that night, after analyzing my surroundings, I realized my fist was pumping urgently on my ever stiffening member.
Quite a predicament I found myself in. Should I continue and be a sinner? Or not? Not much of a choice there. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine young Cassy naked, walking bare up the aisle of the church, with my arms extended towards her.
Her pubic hair, I imagined, was as blonde as the hair on her head, and neatly trimmed into a triangle like shape. Her thighs rubbed slightly as she walked towards me, and then...
"Damnit" I said aloud in the solitude of my room. I had bust my load, after a mere 5 minutes. I smiled myself back to sleep, thinking of the things I would do to young Cassy should I ever gain the chance.
The following day I was scheduled to speak to a high school class about entering the vocations. I hardly thought myself the proper speaker for such a topic, considering my recent distaste towards the vow of celibacy in which, earlier in my priesthood, I had held so valuably. But, alas, the teacher was an old acquaintance of my family, and he thought I could connect better with the pupils considering I was quite close to their age. At the time I was only a young man, a lively 27.
As I walked into Freddy Chaucer's classroom later that day, I looked at all the kids in their Catholic school tartan garb and reminisced of my glory days. They seemed so far gone.
"Why hello Father," Freddy called out to me, as I was still standing awkwardly on the threshold of the doorway.
I made my way over to his desk, and he proceeded to usher me to the front again.
I was nervous to say the least, until my roaming eyes landed on Cassandra seated in the front row of the class, with her long silky smooth legs crossed towards me.
"Well I guess I'm here to talk to you about being priests and nuns eh?" I said jokingly.
That elicited a few giggles from the group of girls huddled closely together in the back around each other.
I started off with the scriptural aspect of the priesthood, and why God calls us to be his disciples, then led into a much deeper lecture at length. When I was finished, I paused.
"Does anyone have any questions?" I asked, quite anxiously, knowing full on what high school aged kids were capable of.
A hand raised, and then a few more.
"Yes, you back there." I pointed to a young man who on first glance appeared to be a very large lineman type on the football team.
"If I become a priest, can I still have sex?" He asked me, very straight faced.
The class howled.
"Well, no, you can't son, part of holy orders is taking a vow of celibacy, as part of a commitment to the church." I said, very patiently.
"Well that sucks." He replied.
"Then maybe it's not for you," I said. "any more questions?"
Cassy raised her hand.
"Yes?" I asked, looking at her luscious honey toned chest.
Her voice came out in a smooth, husky tone.
"Do nuns and priests work together?" She asked, rather innocently.
I didn't know how to take that. Yes, I felt a stirring in my groin, but what if she did not mean it THAT way?
"Well, yes," I answered calmly, bending slightly at the waist to hide the bulge in my black trousers. "In a roundabout way."
She smiled softly at this, and then uncrossed her legs. She then gave me a view of what could only be described as angelic. As she slid down into the seat, and uncrossed her legs like a common whore, she allowed me a view up her skirt, into which, when I peered, I viewed a little strip of ivory, satin I would say, as my best guess.
The rest of the class went along uneventfully, but as I was leaving, I could feel Cassy's eyes on me.
I went back to the rectory and lie on my bed thinking of my sexual inexperience. I mean, yes, I know all about the rutting part, and where everything goes, but was it so much about sex as it was about making love TO a person? Is there...and was there a difference? Even in my circumstances?
Another thought occurred to me then. I had to make absolutely sure that she felt the same as I...or I could lose on both ends...lose an experience which had not even begun yet, and lose all semblance of a life I had...the priesthood.
More soon to come...
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