Eyes Like Winona Ch. 08

I stood there in the parking lot of the Italian restaurant. Wearing tiny shorts and his baggy sweatshirt. Feeling blood ooze from the cut on the back of my head, feeling my face sting from the bruise and the tears.

---

It took me twelve minutes to walk back to the apartment building. When I got there, Drake ran up in an instant. His fingers, light and dry, caressed my cheek.

"Neil... Look at me."

I moved closer so I was inside the circle of his arms. I let him tilt up my chin so I was looking into his bottomless eyes. He kissed my forehead and brought his hand up through my hair.

"Ow."

"Neil, you're bleeding!"

I heard a car pull up and I flinched, burying my face into Drake's flat hard chest. I didn't want to face the world. Not one bit of it.

"It's Ferdinand... He needs to talk to you."

I nodded, but I held on for an extra moment, drawing strength from him.

When I broke away, I saw Ferdinand's car by the curb. I moved and stepped into the back seat. I was embraced by the smell of cherry smoke. It was so warm in the car that I felt beads of sweat oozing between my shoulder blades, and at my hairline.

I stared at my knees. Smelling the sweet smoke and blinking tears from my eyes. My body felt numb.

"Are we going to have a problem?"

Ferdinand's voice was soft and deadly. I shook my head. "He wont come here again. I can work... I'm sorry."

After a moment he sighed. "You were gone for almost half an hour. You can take ten minutes to clean yourself up, but after that I expect you to work."

I nodded. "Thank you sir."

---

I had some deja vu.

I was leaning over the sink, and Drake was very gently soaping my hair, cleaning the cut on the back of my head. It reminded me of the night I had spent with Chris/Stanley and Benji/Tio. Afterwards, when Drake had washed the come out of my hair.

I flinched, and his hands paused. He rubbed my back with one hand. I tried to hold everything back, and I mostly succeeded. The flood didn't come, but some of it trickled through my defenses.

I felt my mouth trembling as I tried to hold it back. All that came out was a small whimper. A low sound that drew out. I sounded like an animal in pain.

Drake moved behind me, and hugged me, his head resting between my shoulderblades. His crotch was against my ass, but I couldn't feel anything. I was kind of glad. I had never felt less sexual in my life.

I let him hold me. I closed my eyes and it took all that I had to hold the flood back and breathe.

Breathe.

I could feel the rise and fall of Drake's chest. The slow warm trickle of metallic water through my hair. The way the muscles in my thighs and upper arms trembled. His fingertips on my shoulder, kneading softly.

Breathe.

I could feel his breath through my thin shirt. Feel even his eyelashes as he blinked. He kissed my shoulder very gently. "I'm here." He murmured. With that, I felt some of the tension, some of the hot sick fear and sharp loneliness... I felt it, and then I felt it leaving me.

Breathe.

---

For the second time now, I was sleeping over here with Drake. Several of the men had asked me about the bruise on my cheek. They had been concerned. They all thought it was either Ferdinand or another customer. I was actually kind of touched.

But now they were all gone home. I had one night left, and then I was supposed to do something about Toby. Something about Drake. Something about my life. Just thinking about it made me feel nauseous all over again.

I gingerly tussled my hair with the towel. My skin was hot and damp from the shower, but the back of my head was raw and tender.

The sound of water drumming against the glass went quiet. Drake took short showers.

I pulled some boxers on, and finished drying my hair so I could toss him the towel. He only had two. He snatched it from the air with one hand.

I could see his dark pubic hair, wet from the shower, a dark tuft of hair framing the base of his limp cock. He briskly rubbed his groin with the towel before wrapping it around his waist and coming to sit on the bed.

"Can I see?" He asked quietly.

I leaned over a bit, and I felt his fingers gently parting my hair.

"It looks a little better... Not so swollen."

I was looking down at his lap. His knees were covered with curls of dark hair. I could see the outline of his cock through the damp towel.

"Hey..." He put his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up. He was smiling. I looked into those deep dark eyes that had drawn me in in the first place.

"My eyes are up here...pig." He murmured.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. He kissed me, and I wanted to do nothing more than just melt into his arms. I wanted to feel him, feel his mouth and hands all over me. His tongue was gently probing at my lips, and I let it come in, sucking on it very gently, teasing it. I groaned softly with pure frustration.

"Not fair." I muttered

He sighed and broke the kiss. "Yeah... I just want you so bad it drives me crazy." He kissed the tip of my nose. "Soon, though. Real soon."

The promise barely consoled me. So much was wrong. I couldn't even do more than cuddle with my boyfriend.

I hugged Drake very tight. I could feel tears squeezing out from under my lids. I was scared. I didn't want to be taken away from Drake. I didn't want to go home.

"Neil?"

"Hm?"

"I don't think you can go back. Not after this." I could feel his fingertips very lightly touching the hair on the back of my head. Not even touching the skin, for fear of hurting the swollen cut.

"Wh... What do you mean?" I felt like he had somehow read my mind.

He gently pulled back a little. "He hurt you. He hurt you really bad."

I felt weak excuses crowding in the back of my throat. I felt a hurt knowing feeling in the pit of my stomach. I swallowed the bitterness, and nodded, feeling my eyes sting.

"What about my family?" I knew the answer, deep down, but I needed to hear it, and the other options.

"You can't live there, not when he treats you like this. They have him now."

I shook my head. "That wont be enough. We still need so much, Ben is almost through college..."

I slumped down to the bed, on my stomach with my head cradled in my arms. My head hurt. Not just the cut, but the center behind my eyes, I could feel a headache coming on. A real thunder-humper. As Toby would call it.

"I just don't even want to think about it anymore." I whispered.

I could feel Drake pulling the covers from under me. I let them slide. He tucked them in around me, and turned off the lights.

I felt him slide in with me. I could feel the pajama pants he had donned.

"Don't think about it for now." He whispered. "But I'm here. And I wont let you get hurt."

I shivered, the covers weren't imbued with body heat yet. I snuggled closer to him.

"Kay." I whispered, burying my head.

---

It was strange going to work from this apartment.

Drake was still asleep. I quietly got ready, brushing my teeth with my finger. I wore my street clothes from the night before. I had a uniform for my factory job in a locker.

I left a small note on the mirror for Drake.

---

I snuck back to my apartment at twelve. When I got in, I heard Rosa singing softly in Spanish to Lisse.

"Hey Neil... I didn't expect you back at this time of day. Coming home at five?"

I mumbled some answer and paid her in advance for the week ahead. Lisse started to cry, and Rosa went to comfort her.

While Rosa was gone, I threw belongings into a duffel bag. I felt like a stranger in my own home.

I hesitated before scribbling a note on a piece of paper.

'I'm living away for a while. You'll still get the money from the factory. I'll call. I'm sorry.'

I signed my name, and left it on my bed. After an agonizing moment of indecision, feeling stupid and childish, I also grabbed my blankie. Here I was, almost nineteen and still sleeping with one.

I grabbed some toiletries and got out, mumbling a goodbye to Rosa. Before I left, I picked up Lisse. She wasn't old enough to know what was going wrong. Not old enough to understand why I had to leave. She just clapped her hands and tried to play pat-a-cake. When I gave her back to Rosa, her face screwed up and she started to cry. Her voice cut at my heart.

"Neiw! Cake! Cake!"

"I'll play cake later." I whispered, trying to hold back the tide.

I finally got out, and I felt empty, scraped completely hollow. I cried a little on my way to Browning's store, but only a little. Mostly I felt too numb to cry.

---

I drew a line in the sand with Browning. He started to go to the back room, but I just shook my head.

"Mr. Browning? I would like to get my paycheck every month please. Not sent to my account. Is that okay?"

He looked faintly hurt, but he nodded. I felt absurdly apologetic. I had been sucking off this man for the greater part of two years. At a fantastic deal, mind. A few extra groceries per week was cheap for all of the head I had given him. But I still felt like apologizing.

I managed to suppress the inane urge.

Barely.

---

I called the cheap family cell phone at a pay phone on my way back to Drake's apartment. Toby answered on the first ring.

"Neil, is that you? What's going on?"

I heard the guilt and torment in his voice, but that was an undertone. His voice was stern to the point of harshness.

"I... I'm staying away for a while." My voice cracked with fear. My hands felt weak and trembly clutching the phone.

"You're done with your... business--" He spat the word. "--after tonight. You're coming home tomorrow."

"No, Toby, I'm not. I'm staying here with Drake." Someone had replaced my stomach with a bag of loose queasy jelly. I felt sour vomit wanting to come up. My body was having a physical revulsion to my words.

"Drake? You're pimp! What the fuck is wrong with you? You want to do this?" The rage was building up behind his words, building at a sharp curve.

"Drake is not my pimp. I'm done with my business tonight Toby. Drake is my boyfriend."

There. It was out. I felt somehow better. I didn't have a moment to think about it, because he had a retort half a second after the words left my lips.

"You don't know what you're saying." The words were soft, but the breath exploded around them.

I leaned against the thin metal wall that made a shallow booth around the phone. I felt like my legs had lost all of their strength.

Dead silence. I couldn't even hear him breathe.

"Don't come and get me." I whispered. My voice finally broke. "I don't want to get hit again."

Painful silence. Then... "Neil." His voice sounded soft and broken and still filled with anger. "That... I didn't mean that. It wont happen again."

"I've heard it before Toby." I whispered. "You said it wouldn't happen again after you killed him. You killed him so he'd stop fucking me and so he'd stop hitting me. You're hitting me now. You want to fuck me too? Huh, Toby? Why not have a go?"

I heard a mechanical female voice telling me to deposit more quarters.

"I'll call you later." I mumbled.

I walked home. To Drake's apartment. This was my last night.

---

I felt stupid when I was walking up to the building. It was six in the afternoon and I had no idea if he would be in or not. I didn't have a key... So if he wasn't here I'd just have to walk around.

I felt relieved then, when he answered his buzzer at the door.

"Come in."

I walked in. The hall was so narrow that I had to brush up against the wall to let a middle-aged black woman walk past me.

I pushed open the door.

Drake was sitting cross-legged on the bed. He had a open textbook by his knee and a tiny black laptop in his lap. Earbuds in his ears and he was studiously tapping at the keys.

I had never seen him studying before. That look of concentration in his eyes was so intense. It was kind of cute.

I crawled onto the bed behind him and rubbed his upper back with my hands. I rested my hands on his shoulders and massaged.

"Hmm..." He moaned, leaning back into it. I kissed his ear, sighing softly. This was nice. This was really nice.

"How was your day, Neil?"

"I talked to Toby on the phone. I told him that I needed to stay away for a while. I... I'm not sure if he's gonna listen." My voice broke a little near the end.

He held onto my hand, where it was resting on his shoulder. "Come here."

I hugged him tightly from behind. He caressed my hair, kissed me on the cheek. "We'll get through this, Neil. We will."

I sighed and flopped back on the bed, wiping my eyes. Drake put away his notes and snuggled next to me. We were facing each other on our sides. He kissed me very gently. "Tell me everything."

"I... I snuck in to get all of my stuff earlier. I left a note. Later I called Toby... and he was so angry. He wants me to come back, and we'll never talk about it again."

Drake moved closer, so our foreheads were touching. "And?"

"And I told him no. I don't want to hide from him my whole life. I love him... I love all of them. But I don't want to lose you either."

He kissed me on the nose. "I was so worried... That you'd choose them instead of me. But at the same time, I don't want to take you away from them. Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Absolutely sure."

And that was the truth. It's just that the truth hurt.

"Six more days?" I asked quietly.

"Yup." He murmured, giving me a tight hug.

---

It was my last night, and I was surprised by how many people showed up. There were times when people were waiting for me to be through, just so they could buy my services.

"I had no idea I was so popular." I whispered, harried, to Drake during one of my few breaks.

He put an arm around me as another familiar car pulled up. "You're really fuckin' cute. That's why. But after tonight, nobody's gonna touch you but me."

I giggled at his gruff possessiveness. He was joking, but only a little. I knew it bothered him that we both had our obligations. I couldn't wait until the day when we were done for good. When our bodies only belonged to each other.

Then one of my customers pulled up, and I had to put a shit-eating grin on my face and take him back.

---

A new boy showed up tonight. A friend of Kirk's. The kid was short and sturdy, not fat, but stocky. He had brown hair and nervous eyes. He didn't really talk to me, but he showed up, went into a room with an older man, and left with his money shortly after.

The kid didn't talk to me at all, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. That had been me. He had been me. I wondered what he would do with this. With this bizarre cruel opportunity.

Before he left he glared at me. "Shake your head faggot, your eyes are stuck." His voice sounded thick, and his eyes looked red, like he had been crying. I didn't dislike him for his cruel words. I only hoped the best for him.

I didn't know why he was here.

---

My lips were wrapped around a fat cock. Short, but fat. The time was 3:03 am, and this was my last cock. My last cock that didn't belong to Drake.

The guy was small, nervous. He reminded me a bit of Steve Buscemi. The face was more normal-looking, but he just was small, and had the same kind of nervous energy. He also had the same crazy teeth.

"Fuck, fuck, ah fuck." The man hadn't shut up the entire time I was between his legs.

I caressed his long low-hanging ballsack in my hands, partially to keep it from swinging back and forth. It was so long that it had been whacking me in the chin. He was standing and thrusting his skinny hips while I was on my knees.

He suddenly let go of my hair and was stroking it really fast. I closed my eyes just in time as his come splattered all over my face. I took a deep breath and started to get up.

"Hey, hey, kid wait. Wait." I looked up at him. He was pulling up his pants. "Can I get a picture of your face like that? All covered up... I'll give you an extra twenty...

"Sure." I mumbled. I hated that. But twenty bucks... I couldn't turn that down. I had been working my ass off here, but I had almost nothing to show for it. All of my money had been towards my family bills. I had only kept my proceeds for the last two nights. All together, it would be about twelve hundred bucks. A good start, but rent would eat that up quick.

Our rent. Mine and Drake's rent. He had been apartment hunting, and he wanted to take me to see the final three options tomorrow.

He finished taking the photos on his phone, and I got up to wash my face at the sink. He paid me sixty bucks. Only twenty of it would have to go to Ferdinand.

Ferdinand was smoking something I couldn't recognize. That was unusual. I had made a game of guessing the flavor.

"Last one, huh. How does it feel, Ryan?"

"Feels good." I whispered.

"Well, that new kid looks promising. Small repayment for losing you both, but he'll shape up nice. Pleasure doing business with you."

I shook hands with him that one last time. Despite the fear, despite the fact that he was my pimp, he had done so much for me. He had given me this job. He had protected me, taken me to the doctor.

"Thanks. For everything." I murmured.

He nodded, and lit up a new cigarette.

"See you around, kid." He muttered. Then he shrugged. "But probably not."

I nodded, and walked back inside.

---

I timed my schedule the next day, and I went home when Toby was working a shift, roofing an apartment complex on the other side of town. I went to grab the rest of my things, and to talk to the rest of my family.

When I opened the door, Celia was in the living room, playing with Lisse. She looked up and bounced to her feet, Lisse waddling after her. "NEIL!!!" She hugged me so tight around the waist that I could barely breathe. I saw Ben poke his head in, and Calvin walked in from the other room, his face pale and tight.

"Neil what's been going on? Toby wont say anything and you've been gone for three whole days and Ben wont make us lunch so he had a fight with Calvin and--"

"I'm moving out." I interrupted Celia, and I was very surprised at how calm my voice was. How soft and accepting.

Ben was the first one to break the speechless silence. "Neil, what on earth has been going on? We're all so worried about you."

"I'm moving out to live with my boyfriend. I'm eighteen, and you can't stop me."

I didn't expect to hear Calvin, but he was the one who talked next.

"I thought you hated it."

I glanced at him. He was looking down at his hands, picking at the skin around this thumbnails. It was a bad habit, sometimes his thumbs would bleed for minutes on end.

"What? What did you say?"

"You told me that Toby killed my dad because my dad was hurting you. I talked to Toby about it." Calvin wiped his eyes with the pudgy back of one hand. "He said that my dad wasn't just hurting you. He said that dad... That dad did gay stuff to you. I thought you hated it. And that's why you hate my dad. And that's wh-why Toby killed him."

"I didn't want to have sex with your dad." I said quietly, feeling tears in my eyes. "I was too young for him to do anything like that to me. And it was inappropriate. I'm older now. Drake and I are adults. And it's okay."

Calvin shook his head vigorously. "No it's not. Toby said that people who do gay stuff go to hell. That it's wrong." He was choking and crying at the same time. "I... I don't want you to go to hell. Stop it! Stop doing gay stuff and come back. Everything was good, and then you had to ruin it! You made Toby be angry."

Calvin stormed away. His fumbling childish concern and anger had stabbed me deeper and harder than any insult. Celia was clinging to me, too confused to talk.

"I'm gonna get my stuff." I whispered.

I walked to my room, feeling numb. Ben and Celia followed. I felt a pang of anger when I opened the main room and saw that Toby had dug through all of my drawers, flinging my clothes everywhere.