by stranger92
An otherwise respectable start is ruined by poor grammer and awful spelling. This makes it difficult to read,
Please get a good editor before posting subsequent chapters.
ChasP and BlackStallion21...FIRE them! So many errors!
As for the other anon pointing out editing is needed, they need to work on their spelling too, it's grammar not grammer.
Not only were the grammar, spelling and punctuation errors rampant, so was the changing back and forth between tenses, sometimes within one sentence!
You also have a habit of dropping in new characters rather awkwardly. And for you to spend a whole chapter making Anna out to be his perfect match, only to - apparently - drop her for Susan in the upcoming chapter(s) is, in effect, letting your readers down.