All Comments on 'Finally a Real Date Ch. 01'

The story does not flow. What tense is this and in what person is the story being told?

I am sure they're not married to each other, although they could be, but there is nothing about these two except fuck and suck.

Even porn movies are more definitive.

Is there a story being told here? If so, I missed it completely.

.....ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.

You didn't need 3 pages. One would have done. Actually, one sentence.

"Bill and whats-her-name fuck a lot, then the story ends."

Gee, why don't you say what you really think. just kidding, critical comments although not good for the ego, do a lot more to help the next time I write. After looking it over again, you are all right. I did this one too fast and did not spend hardly anytime rewriting and proofing, like I usually do. Also, I did no lead in at all. I forgot that most prople probably read these stories for the first time without seeing my other work or looking at our Bio, so I left you blinded as if you walked into a porn movie just as the action started. Sorry, I wasted your time and thanks for the comments. It's the only way I can get better. Saber6

No story just fucking over and over again and again.

No story! Just fuck, fuck, fuck.

The poor guy is falling apart. His tongue is wispy and she grabbed his ball. What next?

Superb romantic story telling from start to finish. The interaction between the main characters is very well told, and the plot engaging throughout. Unfortunately, the story has not been completed by the author. Five stars.