All Comments on 'First Timers'

Ugh. The set up was ok and I won't talk about grammar for a first story. But too much of this was unbelievable.

1)The couple is watching movies at her house. Are her parents away? Is this in a basement or someplace they won't be interrupted? You need to tell the reader this. These are still high school kids, not people that have their own place.

2)They are both virgins, so how is it that they know so much about sex? Even if they had watched free porn on the internet, they wouldn't have this level of expertise. She sees his cock and immediately starts sucking it like a pro?

Look, I'm a guy who was a teen in the more permissive '70s and I have 4 sisters who would often talk with each other when they didn't think I was listening. And I overheard many conversations with their girlfriends, too. No matter how much a girl wants to lose her virginity, her first experience with an erect cock is bound to make her a little nervous. She may even be afraid. She's not going to immediately want to suck it. And when she does, initially, she will find the salty taste off-putting. And she'll be clumsy at it.

3)Likewise with the guy. You may know in theory about foreplay, but a guy's first experienced playing with titties is probably rough--enthusiastic, but not a super turn on for the chick. Even more is this the case with fingerfucking, clit-rubbing, or eating pussy. You just don't get good without practice and both these people were virgins.

4)First time sex is likely to be slightly painful for the guy and very painful for the girl. And almost ZERO girls have orgasms the first time.

You can make a first time fantasy story hot and still make it believable--but not if you rush. Rework this and try again.

great story but it could have been more detailed when it was first slidded insideof her. but besides that its GOOD