All Comments on 'Fourteen Day Program Ch. 07'

Abrupt ending and not satisfying.

I agree that this ending is too abrupt and not satisying. Tom should have anticipated Liz move to call somebody.

I wouold really like the 'organisation' to go down.

You really do have too much in your head. Keep your non-erotic sick bullshit to yourself. Only someone mentally ill would think this was erotic.

Strong start, ending is abrupt and had many holes in it.

Story fell apart in this chapter... So we have a pissed off hubby setting up a strike against the organization... But he tells his brainwashed wife what hes going to do and then leaves her alone with access to phones?? Hmmm... poorly fits this educated man. All the implied warnings forgotten?? Is he a smart guy or not? What good would posting video on the net do?? Nothing, only she was in it. Magical mdmory wiping drugs?? Maybe in the CIA but not there. How bout he secrets a gps in the car or whereever, locates them, reconnoiters the estate, snatches the head guy, extracts information with extreme prejudice, accidentally burns the place down after getting a hard drive or two??? A pissed off joe average could accomPlish this.... I dont recall mention of an abundance of security, and the organization peoPle have to get in a car to be followed sooner or later. There nothing more than a sex service provider, not a gang of kinky rerired spies. Your story of course but it could have ended far more plausibly. Way too much trouble and expense to train sex workers, reminds me of that fiasco of a film "eyes wide shut" ... Super secret swingers club for the wealthy and famous.

and dumb.

you idiot. And you know it.

Agree, BULLSHIT!

This story started off as accidental horror, and when you finally realized that a few chapters in (much later than most of your readers) you let the protagonist off as the worst kind of horror victim - the pathetic wretch completely unable to change his fate. Had he failed (which he of course did) that would have been acceptable, but his pathetic wrath and feeble attempt at retribution were comical.

When you discovered the horrific nature of your initial concept you should either have let the protagonist overcome the horror (returning the story to the realm of erotica) or given him the strength to be a worthy adversary (making a decent horror story, win or lose). Instead you created a 7 chapter that was neither erotic nor dramatic.

The list of simple "mistakes" on the part of the husband is too long to mention, as are the lists of superior alternate choices and impressively unerotic sex scenes. The quality of the prose (good or bad) is not even noticable, thanks to the plot - I spent my time focused on the poor story rather than the quality of its telling.

In the future I would recommend that you NOT let the story go wherever it wanders in your head. That works for some writers, but not for you.

The first couple of chapters were good but it turned into a hard to read rambling with a cop out ending. What was the point of having his sister go to the program? That should have only have been put in to bring back his memory to get the revenge that should have been the ending.

The last chapters were somewhat painful to read with Tom character acting dumber with every passage. His character was never given much intelligence and he never asked the questions: why is this happening, what does this mean, and how do we go on from here. He never had a serious discussion with his wife on how the live with the organizations 5 conditions. His wife Liz was totally brainwashed from the 14 day treatment and he was their only salivation. The tale turned into a haunting experience for this reader with the feeling the story would not end well. In the end, Liz becomes an on-call whore for the organization to serve their ultra-rich clients, Tom is brainwashed to believing that everything is ok, and Tom’s younger sister is recruited by Liz to take the 14 day treatment. To his credit, TMIMH is such a good writer, that the reader actually feels for the characters. A truly haunting tale! Look forward to your next story, hopefully with a happier ending.

Nuvi45

bullshit

The first couple of chapters were great. The last two and especially the last one, were terrible.

I was enjoying your writing. Maybe I will check for your stories in the future.

I am so disappointed....

I found this story to be mostly believable on the husbands part. The internal bits of doubt, letting his anger get the better of him causing him to make less than perfect plans. It is confusing though that as the person in the relationship who was most likely to talk about what is going on, why did he feel the need to internalize this time? this story may have better fit under erotic horror even with the mind control element. Personally I felt a connection to both the wife and the husband so i will view this story as mostly good. I did hope the organization would take a blow or at least some form of public unveiling, so yes the end was anti-climatic.

Would be nice to get a sequel to find out what happened to Jillian and maybe Tom getting his memory back and revenge.

The stupid ass of a husband just couldn't stop himself from banging up his new toy, and when it lost some luster... He lost interest. Sounds like every 5 year old boy I see in kindergarten. She did everything he wanted and all his blood left his brain leaving him unable to see where this was headed.

The question that I wish you had addressed was, did Liz have to agree to forfeit her marriage should her husband decide against the conditions? Did Tom never consider that a wife who loved him would never take that chance to forfeit her marriage. From the beginning there were subtle signs of coercion that Tom ignored. Instead of rescuing and helping, he acted just as they anticipated, just like Darla's husband no doubt did. Took it, ran with it, went to far and then cried foul.

Really great story! 5 stars!

non-ending. Agree with others. If you cannot get your head round the idea that honesty justice and kindness are the most important things in life, then, Please stop writing stuff that makes your readers feel sick at the end.

I had thought in the middle of the story that you were doing a brilliant job of exposing those who corrupt naive wives by offering to enrich their sex lives without pointing out the pitfalls of sexual "liberation". ie infidelity.

You were, then you messed it up at the end by letting the bad guys win, though of course you may have just been pointing out the need to let thinking not emotions rule when seeking justice.

BUT DON'T LEAVE READERS FEELING SICK AT THE END OF A STORY unless you want them to avoid reading anything else you write, as I fear you have done to me.

When I started this series I wasn't sure what to think. No way I'd accept any excuse for a two week absence from my wife short of death. Then again it's erotic mind control fiction so let's see where it goes. And I have to say that if we accept the basic premise, this is the natural, logical conclusion. Well done. It's not often that I can't wait to read the next chapter of an erotic fiction not so I can jerk off; but to find out what happens. Great job. You do Texas proud!

The organization should have anticipated hubby's probable actions and would have programmed husband and wife at the same time.

very disappointed with the ending,, good story turns to crap

As implied - this one's ending sucks! Does anyone know of a similar story with a non-wimp or TTB ending?

It's fairly well established that the story ended too abruptly, and one day I may rewrite it. However, I would politely suggest that writing your own stories and submitting them would be a perfect solution to your desire for satisfactory conclusions.

I disagree with the harsh comments that have been posted here. Sure, the ending was a bit abrupt compared to the previous episodes but would a slower wind-down have been better, given where it was going?

What I feel made this story arc stand out was the fact that Tom was NOT a stereotypical one-dimensional character, like we see in far too many stories. Sure, we like to remove complications from our fantasies. No STD's, no unwanted pregnancies, no safe-words. But so many of the other contributions here on Literotica are too simplified. Subs have no limits (or have their limits taken away and submit to THAT as well) and Dom/mes are infinitely cruel.

Tom's dilemma touches on a fundamental issue of all mind-control stories. If you can make a person do absolutely anything, then what's the point? Where's the challenge? As Liz submits to more and more of his desires, he begins to question his "gift horse". Is she doing this only because he wants it or did she secretly desire it all along? Does she NOW enjoy it and want it more after he made her do it once? Are they both pawns of the "Organization"?

Let's play with an idea. Imagine the same story but without the "Organization" and the brain-washing. Say that Liz tells Tom how there are things she wants to do for him but can't bring herself to because of her "good girl" upbringing. She can't even tell him about them all. But she pledges to fulfill any and all of his desires because relinquishing control makes her hot and knowing that what she is doing - whatever it is - is a dream of his, makes it exciting to her. Essentially turning to a "Submission" -type story instead of mind-control, giving him a blank check to fill in. Then play out the same chain of adventures (except the trips to "Them", of course). And Tom would still suffer the same doubts!

Because he is a human, not an idealized stereotype. As soon as he's pushed her just a tiny step beyond his own limits, the doubts creep in. Maybe she misunderstands him and goes further than he's ready for. Maybe they're playing with some other people who take her further. Maybe Tom just gets too carried away and gives one order too many. But when he sees her debased and/or abused he starts doubting her. How can she like this? Did she secretly want this all along? Will he be able to continue respecting her? Worst of all, did HE make her like this and can they ever turn back after what they've been through?

Now, in the D/S setting I just proposed, it would be possible to turn the story back. Have Liz explain that while she'd thought she'd be able to enjoy absolutely everything Tom requested, "THAT" (whatever it was) was too much and she apologizes tearfully that she can't live up to his expectations. Tom is happy and tells how he, too, was turned off by it. They reconcile, happy ever after!

But in the mind-control context presented here, that's not possible. Liz is said to have been conditioned to accept just about anything Tom can think of. And then more. So she can't have limits, other than when she shuts down and says "They" won't allow this, which has got to be just about the final turn-off to any man in Tom's situation.

I was reminded of when I read Nelson DeMille's "The Gold Coast": I hated it but couldn't put it down! Because I felt too strongly with the main character. The story was "too close to home". He has it all, a good job, a loving (kinky!) wife and he screws it up and I could see how if *I* had been there, I could have ended up the same. That hurt!

The same applies here. Tom feels like a real human being and his reactions seem real. I think that this is the reason why some reacted so strongly to his down-fall. It hurts more when you feel it could have happened to you, too!

Good job in writing a story with a main character that touches the reader like that.

However, toomuchinhishead is no Rod Serling. Though this series was thought provoking there were too many gaps in the story line. I kept being distracted by too many, "Why the hell did he do that" moments. Tom ignored so many warning signs. It was like in a horror movie when the cheerleader starts to enter a darkened room and when she flicks the switch the lights don't come on. This is a clear signal that she is going to go into the room anyway.....and die. Even when Tom is having all kinds of doubts he doesn't do anything to protect or prepare himself...... because he gave his word to a bunch of spooky perverts? Near the end when he has decided to "out" THEM he tells himself that he has to be very careful. Soooo.......what does he do? He goes home, parks out front, and walks into the darkened room. Has Tom never seen a spy movie, a horror movie, or watched CSI?

I liked the idea of this series, but I was disturbed by the plot farts. Having vented, I have to admit that I couldn't stop in the middle of this story. It is more original and better than the majority of stories here. It sure got me thinking (I try not to do that often).

Hi, I liked it very much,yes it ended quickly but it happned on a "happy" note. I lookforward to reading an alternative ending. Hope to get information when you post it.

Backwardllib.

You really fucked that one up! Way to go idiot!!!

Either this writer or some other might want to consider a scenario in which the husband comes to his senses & breaks free of his conditioning and then enlists the aid of other victims and implements a successful strategy to expose all of these rich and powerful people sort of like "The Roundup". Exposure could be enhanced by subjecting the perpetrators to similar conditioning. That would be so much more elegant than the other option which would involve a raid on one their major orgies/conclaves and simply killing everybody in sight. But I don't suppose that would be civilized?

You really are a sick little fuck, glad I don't have this dog shit in my head. Yikes!

I have to say that the story was great. It was twisted and the ending was not a happy one, but it was a great story. Enjoyed the read.

Kind of a bad thing to have the evil people come out on top. Sure Tom was a bit of an imbecile, but these people deserve to be fed to the dogs. Of course the biggest problem here is the conceit that evey rich and powerful person would permit the existence of this organization. Like competing families in the Mafia or Yakuza, for every person that supported this endeavor, there would be someone of equal wealth and power working to tear it down for no other reason than it interferes with their interests. Nobody is untouchable, especially those who are subject to the whims of law enforcement. It's even worse in this day and age of electonic information being so easy to share. Inevitably organizations like this anger someone within them that has the ability and willingmess to burn them down by revealing their existence to enough people that all the connections in the world cannot save them. Not ot say the people responsible for their downfall would be morally superior in any way, they would simply have a conflicting agenda.

Regardless, the end left a bad taste in my mouth (figuratively speaking), so I gave it 2 stars.

mind control shit. Will any author actually do a different story? Do you all have a standard copy you go by? You must.

Let me know where to send the photos of your wife, daughters, and mother.

Sorry your little sisters' were lost in computer crash but will have more soon

Visit Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com for serial cheating wife who didn't need your program

You developed an interesting story, but one that left important questions unanswered and not even plausibly implied. You say that the story "went where it went." What the hell kind of cop-out is that? I think you just gave up on it, possibly because you couldn't figure out a way to get the characters or the plot line untangled.

Ungratifying and unworthy of your writing talent.

toomuchinmyhead

I forced myself to read your multipart tale to the bitter end. My overwhelming thought was that you have definitely lifted the plot and characterisations in this tale from"The Stepford Wives". I do not speak for anyone but myself, but I have to confess...I find your central premise of a shadowy Organisation whose rich and powerful membership demands that opposition is crushed a huge turn-off. Maybe some folks will find titilation in the orgiastic descriptions of the wife but the husband character Tom was shown to be merely an empty shell manipulated by the forces of evil to live a life of unknowing cuckoldry. This was definitely much more mind control and had little if anything to do with loving wives.

Enjoyable read though a bit disappointing in the end.

The first and last chapters encapsulated the plot but the intervening chapters seemed no more than a sexfest. Which is not a bad thing but just described what a slut Liz had become and, to be blunt, were a little repetitive. Maybe a bit more dialogue and build up of emotions and doubts would have helped?

Some serious holes which other commenters have mentioned, but for me a few glaring issues stood out; the tale started with the wife going out and disappearing for two weeks and Tom, as far as we could tell, made no move to find her, relying only on the word of a so called friend that she was okay. Surely he'd do more than just sit and wait, not knowing what she was doing or if she was even alive? Then when he was told he could go get her he accepted Darla's explanation and reasons much too easily, how did he possibly still think of her as a friend this far? Thirdly the shadowy organisation; why weren't his suspicions aroused on first hearing about them? And more pertinent, why did he so easily agree to their conditions, not to mention sitting by and even enjoying the fact that his wife had been fucking and sucking for two weeks.

As for the end: I was hoping for something more original. As another commenter noted, it was too Stepford wives, too reliant on the secret societies theme to be believable, those ideas died out thirty years ago. However I believe a single line at the end, something like Liz, Tom or his sister having a moment of clarity might have put a seed of doubt and hope into the rather depressing resolution.

All these negatives may sound as though I didn't enjoy the story, not so. It kept me reading till the end, got my juices flowing and worked my emotions with the outcome. So all in all it succeeded. I just wish the end had been better thought out.

I don't think I've read a mind control story before, not my genre, but I'm glad I found this one.

I really don't get the bile and insults people post on this and other story comment sections. I mean, you read this stuff for free, the author spends 10's and 100's of hours writing and editing... And people insult the authors. I'm writing this for the author: Thank you.

I found the story well-written, the dialog believable, and the sex scenes hot, especially the first anal scene. Yes, one had to suspend disbelief, and just accept that for whatever reason dumbass Tom couldn't or wouldn't ask very obvious questions. But we suspend belief all the time in most of Lit stories. For stories where it's not working for me I just go to the next one.

I found my heart racing in Chapter 1 as he waited for his disappeared wife, and then as he started to understand what she had been doing. They say art creates emotions in readers: this story did in me. But... Hmm... I guess by that measure enraging unhappy readers is art, too. Just don't get why people kept reading when they're all pissed off... Unless they like being pissed off. :). Yeah, it's art!

This story is going to stick with me. Thanks!

After reading then ending up skimming the tedious chapter1 I jumped here and lo and behold you engineer in a crappy ending. You just ramble on and on too much to maintain my interest.

Give permission to add chapters and try for a different ending? I’ve some ideas and willing to give it a try. I will probably work on it anyway, but I’d like to get your permission to post it here if possible.

I really loved the beginning of this story. I think he had a major problem ending it. Is it effective? You bet? Is it seriously horrifying (especially when you realize her "love" for Tom is very secondary to her love of being an absolute slut.) I point you to The New Neighbor for a story that is fair, just and ends well.

First chapter not bad then by the end it is ridiculous even for fantasy that something ends that way.

Mind control is not my thing, so I just read the first and the last chapter.

I'm disapointed in the eneding but have an idea for a sequel. I searched on LIT but I found no sequel or alternate ending.

Stupid story, absolutely stupid. What a waste of my fucking time

Scores 1/5

Surprise there's no comments on this story. Thought it was great except for the ending. Another chapter would have been good or having flash backs and finally getting some vengeance would have been good, but the ending left me a bit hollow. I see you haven't posted for a while and was wondering if you have posted elsewhere