by goldenpalomino
The author needs to do some revision all minor but big distractions while reading. Lines like "Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi!", are ones that appear like some grade school aged kid wrote it. Makes the story seem cheap and loses credibility of the passage.
Golden, you do not need to revise anything, you and your stories are perfect as you are. Love your style
I have to say this story has really caught my imagination and I find myself dreaming of this happening to.me one day on the slops.
I feel the intensity of it all and if feels so real making it all the more arousing. Thanks for the great work, can't wait to read more x