Frost Heaves

Callie was cordial when she came in from milking Ellie, putting the by-product of her efforts into the refrigerator, before pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Figured I could drive you to Jeff's early," Callie mentioned. "We both have got a lot to do."

"I guess," I said. "You've been so good to me that I can't thank you enough. For everything. Meeting you has... "

"No problem," Callie said, cutting me off. "Do me a favor and say goodbye to Gordon before we leave. I think he's a fan of yours."

I said goodbye to my buddy Gordon, and waved to Ellie, who had always looked at me warily after my lone lesson at learning how to milk her was not very successful.

I climbed into the truck and rode into Earlton, the ride a quiet and tense one. When we got to the garage, the Saturn was parked right out in front, looking as nice as it had when I first drove off the lot with it.

"Beautiful work," I said to Jeff, who nodded like it was no big deal. "It even smells new."

I signed the paperwork Jeff needed, and in a matter of minutes I was tossing my suitcase into the back seat of my car. Turning to face Callie, I was startled at the expression on her face.

She was still as beautiful as ever, but there was no impish grin, and no mischievous twinkle was in her eye. Her lower lip was quivering and she seemed to be on the verge of crying.

"Callie?" I said - or asked, having been so taken aback by the look on her face that I was confused.

"Hey, have a safe trip," she said, giving me a peck on the cheek and suddenly turning away and heading toward her truck.

"Callie!" I said, hurrying over to catch her. "Hey, we can do better than that."

When I turned her around to face me, I caught a brief glimpse of the tears that had been trickling down her cheeks, before she wiped them away with her sleeve.

"Sorry," Callie sniffed. "I promised myself I wouldn't do that."

"It's alright," I said, hugging her close to me and feeling her sobbing, which was something I was on the brink of doing myself.

"Just reality setting in," Callie said. "I've been living a dream for a while, so it's time to get back to normal."

"I've had a sensational time myself, and this is not goodbye. I'll be back before you know it," I assured her. "I love you."

"I know. You've told me that three times. The first time was when we made love that night during the thunderstorm, and last night, and just now. You love me and now you're going home."

"That's not fair, Callie."

"I know," she said. "I have to tell you something, David. Over the years, I haven't been much of a religious person. Not much for church and that sort of thing, but I had faith. Faith in something."

"Me too. Once."

"Well, I lost most of that when Carl passed. Still and all, there was still something inside of me that kept telling me to wait and keep hoping. Keep praying for something to happen that would turn my life around, and make it worth living. Then I heard you crash your car."

I shuffled my feet, not knowing what to say or do.

"When I looked into that car and saw you, I'd like to say that all of a sudden, lights flashed and bells rang, but to tell you the truth I just figured you for some jackass that couldn't drive a lick."

"I can drive, usually," I said sheepishly.

"Once I got to know you, I fell in love with you. The way you talked and listened to me, and the way you would look at me. It was scary in a way. I had hoped for somebody just like you to come into my life, and there you were. A clever and smart-assed guy who was so much like me in many ways that it was as if I had conjured you up myself."

"I'm not all that clever," I admitted.

"When we made love, and you told me you loved me, I almost said it back to you, but I didn't. I wanted to be sure. I wanted be certain that I wasn't just some crazy old broad half out of her mind with loneliness who was seeing things that weren't there, and I wanted to be positive that I wasn't just some piece of ass that happened to be available for you at the time."

"Of course you weren't," I muttered.

"I know. I could tell. You see, I'm a lot luckier than most women. I've never been fucked. Not once. I've made love more times than I could count, but never once been fucked. Never given the most special thing I have to someone who didn't care more about me than he did himself. You and I - we made love. I could see right into your soul. I could see everything you are."

"Same here. You know..."

"It was just as I had envisioned it," Callie continued. "Everything. Right up until now. This is the part that I didn't figure on."

"What?"

"You leaving," Callie said. "This was not part of the plan. I don't know how to deal with this. Carl I could deal with. He didn't make a choice, he just died. He didn't say goodbye. You don't say goodbye to somebody you love if you don't have to. This is worse! Way worse!"

"Look, I have to go back to my job," I said in exasperation. "I have obligations, and people are counting on me. What could I possibly do out here, anyway? I'm not good at anything!"

"You were doing alright. You were trying hard!"

"Callie, I'll be back out here this weekend - well, maybe not this weekend, but the weekend after. I'll have a lot of stuff to do when I get back."

"Fine."

"You're mad."

"No, you're right and I'm selfish," Callie said, a little of the fire returning to her eyes briefly. "Go back to your life. I'll see you when I see you."

"Do you even want me to come back?" I asked as Callie got over to her truck.

"I'll be here," Callie said just before sliding into the cab of the rusty old pickup. "Where the heck am I going to go?"

....

Chapter Twenty: Breakdown.

The car got about forty miles down the New York State Thruway when I noticed it. The Saturn had slowed to about 40 miles an hour, and I hadn't really noticed until other motorists started blasting their horns as they moved around my slow moving vehicle, which had become a bit of a menace on the high speed roadway. Fortunately there was a rest stop close by, and I managed to get the car off the road without incident.

As for the car, it was fine. Just as good as new, and it even seemed to handle a little better than before. The problem was not the vehicle. The problem was the driver. I was losing it. I was having trouble catching my breath, and I felt like the world was closing in on me. What is this? A heart attack? A panic attack?

I sat in the car for the longest time, before getting out and walking around the Burger King and toward the highway, where cars whizzed by in an endless parade. Cars with people that were going somewhere, most likely.

Where was I going? To a job that I loathed? To a position that I had been promoted to as a living testimony to the Peter Principle, where I was content to founder around in mediocrity until it was time for me to retire or die? A life of going to work and coming home each night, where I would numb myself with just enough alcohol to enable me to fall asleep, but not so much as to be unable to wake up the next morning.

What were my choices? I couldn't just quit. I was a few years short of being able to retire with my full pension, and leaving now would cost me plenty. I had tuition bills that wouldn't stop for a few years, and an apartment with a few months left on the lease.

Clearly, it was a no-brainer. Why then, did I feel so empty? Why did I feel more nauseous with every mile I distanced myself from Callie? Adults simply do not act like this. Behavior of this kind usually coincides with puberty, and those years were long past for me.

"Get back in the car and drive, and you'll be fine" I announced aloud, which caused a family that had been eating at a picnic table to look at me oddly. "Just fine!"

....

Chapter Twenty One: On the road again.

Just as I had figured, once I got back in the car and started driving, I began to feel much better. Thankfully, the sinking and desperate feelings had passed. In the space of an hour, I was feeling positively giddy. I took the long way back, taking the route that led me the same way I had originally headed through the town of Darnell, and at the crest of the hill I pulled off of the road as best I could and walked through the path that I had made through the brush ten days ago with the car.

I patted the tree that I had narrowly missed, and picked up the chunks of glass that used to be my headlight before getting back to the car. Looking down the hill, I saw the old familiar farmhouse that needed a coat of paint in the worst way.

Not now with the heat of the summer around the corner, but in the fall. After the corn got harvested and the days got cooler - that would be a good time for that. Me with a bucket of paint climbing a ladder? That was a scary thought on a number of levels, but a person has to pull their own weight in this world. What was it that a wise woman once told me? People do what they have to do, I think it was. Works for me.

I actually drove down that hill together with the car for the first time, and swung into the driveway unnoticed. I pulled the suitcase out of the back seat and walked slowly toward the barn, peeking in at Ellie, before walking over to Gordon, who stood by his hay behind the fence. He gave me a snort which I took as hello, and when I reached over to rub him behind the ear, a voice startled me.

"Used to know a fella that looked a lot like you," Callie quipped as she came from behind the barn. "What's the matter? You been away so long you forgot the way home?"

"Actually, that wasn't what I expecting you to say when you saw me," I responded.

"Really? What did you figure I'd say?" Callie said, grinning as she came up to me, her hands in her back pockets and looking too adorable for words to describe.

"I was hoping for something along the lines of - welcome home."

"Welcome home, David," Callie said as she jumped into my arms. "I love you."

Callie led me inside, and the undressing we did on the way indicated that the work day had ended for her, or should I say us. I was tempted to remind her that on a farm, the work supposedly never stopped for pleasure, but I decided to bite my tongue. After all, as a novice farmer, there was quite a bit I had to learn.

.......

Thank you for reading my story. I hope you found it enjoyable.