Going Home Ch. 08

Okay due to some amazing fans i decided this isn't the very last chapter. Just getting out what i wanted to for the first half of the last chapter was almost 20 pages so i figured i can break it up. So look forward to what will hopefully be the last chapter if i can get my mind to stop writing! Thanks for being so patient! BTW, there is sex :D

I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Someone was knocking very softly on the door. I didn't move to open it. This room was my form of a blessing and a curse, I thought absently. So much good happened here, blanketed by so much bad. It was really hard to balance it all out when I thought about it.

The knocking became slightly louder.

"What Luke?" I called out, not getting out of bed.

Luke opened the door very softly and poked his head inside. His eyes had to adjust to the dark room before he finally saw me.

"Can I come in Johnny?" I didn't say yes... which to Luke meant I didn't say no.

After a minute he walked in the room and shut the door behind him. He was smart enough to know not to turn on the light; I really didn't need that. I didn't need to see him. He stood by the door for two very long and awkward minutes before I finally shifted my eyes to him.

I sighed wearily, "You can move Luke, I'm not a deer. You don't have to be afraid that you'll scare me away. I'm way passed that stage."

He didn't respond to the barb which was surprising, he just stepped away from the door and walked over to the bed. I was in the center and when it was obvious that I wasn't going to move he plopped down next to me. He laid back, his body a little over the edge and stared at the ceiling with me. After a few minutes I turned my head and looked at him. He was already looking at me.

"What do you want Luke?" I asked voice quiet.

He reached out a hand and ran his fingertips down my cheek.

"I want to say sorry Johnny. I was wrong. I was so very, very wrong. I should have never said what I said to you, never thought the things I did. I almost lost you and I knew it was my fault. I should have never let you go that night and I knew it at the time. Then when you got hurt, when you got caught... I wanted to ask you about it, I wanted to know what he did to you, but at the same time I didn't. I wanted to comfort you but that would mean coming to terms with the fact that it was my fault you needed to be comforted. I couldn't handle it. I freaked out and I took it would out on you."

I tried to say something but he waved a hand to cut me off.

"I'm so sorry Johnny. I would choose you. I chose you then, after you walked out that door and made me realize exactly what I had said. I tried to find you the next day, thought you could sleep on it overnight and that way you could have time with your mom but you were already gone. I feel like I've been living in a black hole without you."

That had to be the most Luke has ever said to me at one time, I swear. I didn't really react, just stared at him for a long time. Eventually I heaved a big sigh.

"I can't trust you Luke. I don't believe a word you say. How do I know you're not just being sweet and kind to get me back? That once you have me it won't all go back to how it was? Do you really expect me to believe that you would choose me over the business? I don't Luke. I don't believe that."

He sat up, drawing his legs up Indian style and looking down at me. For the first time I didn't feel like he was trying to intimidate me.

"I don't expect you to believe me John. I really don't. Hell, half the time I don't believe me. When I think of you leaving though, when I think of not seeing your face again, not feeling your skin or hearing your voice say you love me. Of not seeing that cocky little smile of yours when you know you got your way, I can't even breathe. I can't see a future without you in it Johnny. I just can't. I would give up anything to keep you with me."

My heart swelled with every word he said even though my mind kept trying to tell it not to be stupid, not to trust him. I think though that my heart had gone temporarily deaf. I wanted to touch him, to smile at him, to say I loved him. I just couldn't. Not yet.

"Assuming all that is true, what comes next Luke? I fall into your arms, forgive you for everything and we live happily ever after in your big house with your big convicts and your very big business right under our feet every night? I didn't want to be a mobster when I grew up Luke. That definitely wasn't on my wish list when I was in kindergarten. I wanted to grow up, fall in love and be happy. I never wanted to find my damsel in distress - I wanted my knight in shining armor to find me. Even though there was a denial phase that was what I dreamed of when I was little. It is still what I want today. I can't live this life anymore. I just can't."

Luke leaned down, pressing his forehead very softly against mine.

"Neither can I Johnny," He whispered, so softly that I almost missed it.

My eyebrows rose in surprise and I pushed him back enough to look into his eyes.

"What does that mean Luke?"

His eyes were so intense I almost wanted to look away but I didn't. I forced myself to hold that startlingly beautiful gaze.

"Leslie is taking over Johnny. It will be a few weeks, maybe a month or two for me to get him trained the way I want him, and I'll always be over him, checking in on everything of course, but I won't be involved. I want to get a normal job... well, as normal as I can stand. I can't give up the entire business, it's all I've ever known, but one day I plan on just handing it all over to Leslie. He loves this business, he loves being in charge, he loves every bit of it. Also now that he has an apparently steady boyfriend, between the two of them I think they can manage not to run it into the ground."

I laughed like he intended, "I'm sure they can."

He took a deep breath, "I already bought another place Johnny. I bought it as soon as I heard you were back in town. You know me... king of wishful thinking and all that."

I smiled, "No, cocky beyond all imagination and used to getting his way is how I would describe it."

Luke shrugged, "You say tomato and all. I want you to see it Johnny. I bought it with you in mind and I really think you will like it. I'm not saying we run off into the sunset together or anything like that. I'm saying to let me try. Let me take you out tomorrow night like I wanted. We can go from there. Please?"

I sat up, rising to my knees in front of him so we were eye level. I smiled a little smile and hugged him, just wrapped my arms around him tight, waiting for him to make the next move.

I think he was honestly stunned because he didn't move for a whole minute before his big arms wrapped around me squeezing me hard enough to hurt. He reached one arm down and grabbed my legs, wrapping them around him so that I was sitting on his lap. We stayed like that, holding each other tight for lord knows how long.

Eventually reality came back and Leslie knocked on the door. I pulled away instantly, scooting back so Luke could get up. He sighed in annoyance and got up, opening the door wide.

"What?" Leslie asked innocently as he came face to face with Luke's glare.

He walked past him and plopped down on the bed next to me. He smiled like a Cheshire cat and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes Leslie?" Luke all but growled and Leslie and I both laughed.

"I just wanted to let you know the guys and I really appreciate the movie night Johnny. It's been pretty stressful since you left and I think we all needed some non-violent fun."

I smiled, "Wrong choice of movies if we didn't want violent. I mean sheesh and to believe I had Bridget Jones's Diary in my hand."

Luke and Leslie both winced at that and I laughed. Tough guys and chick movies, I swear.

"Well you're welcome, it's all good. Glad you guys enjoyed it."

Leslie's face got serious then, and I frowned. He sat up straighter, making sure his eyes were on mine.

"We're sorry Johnny." He said softly. I frowned harder.

"We're sorry we let you get caught. Since you've come back we've all realized how much we truly took for granted what you did. Luke is hell when you're not here and you make this job a lot more tolerable. I speak for all of us when I tell you that we are so sorry about what happened to you."

I was genuinely surprised. None of the guys had talked to me about what happened. Not when it actually had happened or since I had gotten back. I had always assumed it was because Luke had told them not to. It meant a lot.

"It wasn't your fault Leslie, it wasn't anyone's fault. He caught us by surprise and there wasn't really anything any of us could do about it. I'm sorry I left but I had a lot going on in my head that just wasn't going to get dealt with here. Thank you a lot for telling me though. Thank the guys too."

Leslie smiled, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. He nodded to Luke before he left the room, shutting the door behind him. Luke looked back at me and smiled as my eyes got watery. I brushed the little tears away telling myself to be a man and smiled back.

"That was... nice," I said and Luke laughed, coming over to wrap an arm around my shoulders and hug me tight.

"I'm really glad your back Johnny boy."

He said softly and I didn't respond, the emotions going through my brain were simply way too overwhelming. I just hugged him back and held on.

I didn't know if I could forgive Luke, I really didn't. He was different, that much was obvious, but I didn't know if he was telling the truth or just being perfect for the time being. I was scared beyond belief but at that moment all I wanted to do was hug him so that's what I did.

That night Luke slept downstairs, having to pull together 3 couches to fit his big ass.

I laughed watching him try to get comfortable but he flat-out refused when I offered to switch. I told him he was a prideful buffoon and left him to it.

The next day passed by pretty quick, probably because I didn't want it to. I was scared to death about going out with Luke.

I didn't know where he wanted to go or what he wanted to do and more importantly I really didn't know how to act. Was this our first date all over again or just two friends going out after being apart for a long time? Or was it very long distance couple going out to rekindle their romance? I was so confused that I didn't even know what to wear.

I was going through my clothes, old and new, that were in Luke's closet trying to decide when he came in the door. He was dressed casual, black snug jeans and a long sleeve blue button up shirt that looked silk. Okay not really casual but at least he wasn't wearing slacks because then I would've been worried.

I spared him but a glance as I went back to rummaging through the closet.

Luke laughed, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist, hugging me from behind. I froze, not sure what to do. He let go before I could think about it and moved around me.

"I got this Johnny." He said with an easy smile.

He reached in the closet and pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans and a black muscle shirt that was one size too big for me. Seems pointless I know.

He smiled and held them out, "There ya go."

He sounded way too chipper and I narrowed my eyes.

"You gonna tell me what we're doing now?"

He smiled wider, "Nope. Hurry up and change, don't want to be late."

Late for what, I wanted to ask but I knew he wouldn't tell me. When Luke was in a romantic mood, as rarely as that happened, you didn't get in his way and he never gave hints. Luke around Christmas time was a bitch.

I was dressed within ten minutes and Luke was waiting for me outside by the BMW. He held out the keys just like he did so many years ago and just like then I was shocked.

"Dude seriously!? Kick ass!" I jumped in the driver's side before he could think to change his mind and started it up, looking at him in exasperation as he took his time getting in.

As soon as his door shut I was gone done the driveway, barely hearing him as he told me which way to go. I was a little surprised when we drove into crowded downtown. I honestly didn't expect him to want to be in a heavily populated place.

Luke hated crowds. He had me park at the movie theater and I smiled. The Rocky Horror Picture show was playing tonight, with real actors and audience participation required. I smiled as he handed me a bottle of water and some toilet paper, holding on to a few pieces of toast and some rice for himself.

I leaned back in my seat and raised a brow, "You hate this movie." I stated calmly.

Luke smiled, "No I don't." He said and I laughed.

"Oh really? So you like sweet transvestites from transsexual Transylvania?" He flinched like I knew he would and I laughed again.

"What are you doing Luke?"

He sighed, "You love this movie and I love you. It's a sacrifice I willingly make. Now get out of the car and let's go."

He got out before I could respond, shutting the door as I opened my mouth. Well, I thought sarcastically, I guess that's the end of that conversation.

The show was amazing, so much so that even Luke laughed some, surprising me when he participated in the Mr. Scott scene.

We left with our clothes wet and kicking soggy toilet paper with little bits of rice in it off our feet. I was laughing my ass off when Luke pushed me up against the theater.

He cupped my face in his hands and leaned his forehead against mine. He really liked to do that lately. Leaning down he pressed his lips very softly against mine and I sighed, loving the feel of him. I returned the kiss running my hands up his back and holding on to his shoulders. It was a perfect moment, until of course someone else had to ruin it.

"Yo fags, get a fucking room!" Some random person yelled and Luke was gone before I could stop him.

He grabbed the jock in the Letterman's jacket by the hair throwing him to the ground by me. He walked over as the guy was picking himself up and kicked him in the stomach.

"Luke, stop it! I don't care what he says; it's not that big of a deal!" I tried yelling at him, but he was too angry.

Offending Luke, while still not a good idea, he can get over. Offending me is a totally different story. He went to kick the guy again and I jumped in front of him, making Luke almost fall backwards so that he didn't kick me in the nuts by accident.

I looked down and offered the guy a hand up as Luke stormed back to the car. The guy looked genuinely surprised that I'd offer to help him and it took him a second to, very cautiously, extend his hand. I pulled him to his feet, and he stumbled a bit before righting himself.

"You helped me. Why?" He asked, his voice thick with anger and what I thought was a hint of respect.

"I'm not like you, that's why. I don't discriminate and I don't care who you are. You're a person and you didn't deserve what he was going to give you."

The guy stared at me for a minute before offering me his hand again, this time in friendship, "Sorry for what I said man."

I shook his hand, not trying to prove my dominance by squeezing hard and nodded, "Don't worry about it. Just be careful who you offend, alright?"

The kid nodded and walked back to his girlfriend who was waiting by the road looking worried. He wrapped an arm around his girl, pulling her close and giving a wide berth to where Luke was.

I made my way over to the car where Luke was standing with his arms crossed, looking at the ground. I expected him to yell at me about protecting someone like that so I was pleasantly surprised when he didn't.

"I'm sorry Johnny." He said as soon as I got near him and I frowned.

"You're sorry?" I asked, making sure I heard him right.

"I didn't mean to get so angry. I just can't stand it when people say shit like that to you but I didn't need to get that mad, so I'm sorry. That was really... good of you to help him up. You're an amazing person Johnny and I love that about you."

I smiled, stepping forward and leaning my body against his.

"It's okay Luke. You're my big bad protector, it's a good thing. Just not all the time."

He looked up, a little fear on his face like he expected me to freak out like I used to. I didn't though, I just pushed forward, making his arms open and laid my head on his shoulder.

"Hey!" Someone yelled and we both looked over at some guy, hanging out with his buddies at the bar across the parking lot.

I knew he was going to say something nasty, hell we were used to it and I put my hands on Luke's arms to make sure he wouldn't do anything. Just as the punk opened his mouth, Letterman's fist came out of nowhere and closed it with a punch.

The guy dropped like a sack of potatoes, his friends not even trying to come to his aid. Letterman smiled at me and I smiled back, mouthing thank you and waving. Even Luke nodded in his direction before turning away. Our good night was officially great. Luke opened the passenger side door for me and I smiled; I figured he wouldn't let me drive twice.

He took me to the Olive Garden down the street for dinner, another un- Luke thing for him to do as he hated fancy restaurants. We made it halfway through the meal before he started getting twitchy.

Luke hated crowds, he hated not being able to move around and he hated having to act nice and polite when he was really brooding and moody. I had to bite my lip not to smile as he started practically bouncing in his seat he was so eager to leave. As soon as I finished the last bite of my alfredo he stood up.

"You done?" He asked in a strained voice and I laughed.

I took my time getting up, finishing the very last of my drink as he rolled his eyes at me. He knew I loved to watch him squirm in public where he couldn't do anything. It was a sick little flaw of mine.

As soon as we got outside Luke exhaled like he had been holding his breath for ten minutes. He really didn't like places like that.

"Luke..." I said and he looked over at me, "Do you want to go to Mike's?"

I swear it was like I just offered a starving man a steak the expression on his face was so relieved. It was almost comical.

"You have no freaking clue how much I would love to go to Mike's Johnny boy."

I nodded and headed to the car, not surprised when he beat me to it. Mike's was a local bar down in the not so pleasant part of town where Luke loved to go. It was full of bikers and thugs and I think he felt right at home because he didn't have to behave or be polite or even discreet, it was notorious for catering to the gay community.

Luke drove like a bat out of hell, turning into what looked like a dead end driveway and going to the underground parking lot of Mike's. This neighborhood was not one you wanted to leave your car out in and you could always tell the tourists from the locals because we knew about the underground parking and they didn't.

Our cars got valet parking and theirs got missing hubcaps. Luke tossed the keys at a young kid in biker boots and all but towed me inside.

As soon as we got into the bar Luke changed ,his body relaxed a small smile played on his lips and his hand in mine loosened. This was his element. He nodded at Mike, the owner and bar tender and sat down at one of the booths, putting me on the inside.

Luke changed when we came to Mike's, he got.....well sexier. Here he got a little more aggressive....sexually. I like a little BDSM here and there and when we came to Mike's....well it was more here than there. I knew this was a bad idea as soon as his body started crowding mine.

"Now Luke, just because-" I started and his hand locked onto the back of my neck, squeezing hard enough to make me groan.

"Shut up Johnny boy." He whispered in my ear and I shivered.