by JimHutch
Two stories here, neither of which grabbed me. The first exhibitionist one finished before it really got going and the second was just another one of the hundreds of 'guy fucks girl' stories with no real connection to the first. If writing on well worn subjects, you really need to have something that differentiates your story from the rest.
It was passable, but my suggestion is to read and practice your writing skills it takes a lot of practice and a lot of reading to be truly good
Thanks for the feedback folks, it's the first I have ever written.. so nice to get something back from it for my hopeful future submissions.