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Click herePart 2 to come...
- COMMENTS
bruce22over 13 years agoWell developed and with a lot of potential. Lit is just as important as erotica on this site and stories like this escape frequently from stereotyping.
Anonymousover 13 years agoI liked the grounding of your story in the politics of education and the San Joaquin Valley. Your characters all were well-drawn, though details about Dr. Epstein and his adopted son would be nice. From the sketch you've given, one could see reasons to pity both with such a shrike as Lucinda seems to be. DeeDee seems a bit of a wimp, but it would be interesting to see her development. Moar, plz!
SouthernPassion53over 13 years agoFirst time I've read one of your stories. It is interesting how you brought all the parts together and I can say from personal experience that there are many women and men like the arrogant bitch in your story.
mcollectover 13 years agoI loved the slow build up and the revenge added to the real great sex scene. Please continue regardless of what an anonymous reviewer said.
Anonymousover 13 years agoWe both know you've been submitting stories here for long enough to have learned that you don't have to write a brain-twister. This story was both MUCH longer than it needed to be (had it been edited down by 2/3, it would have been a better story: WAY too many extraneous details bogged it down badly), and not nearly arousing enough to maintain the interest of all but the most stubborn reader. Long after I was ready to give up on it--after I "WANTED" to give up on it--I continued reading. But not because I enjoyed it: I wanted to see if you could possibly pull off some kind of trick to make it worth the tedium of slogging through to the end. For the record? It wasn't worth it.
CUT the miriad details. You might think they're neccessary to hold the reader's interest, or to keep them 'in the loop', but all they do is distract and confuse.
GET TO THE SEX. Build up to the sex. Jump right into the sex. Do it any way you want, but stop forgetting that this is an EROTICA site. It's about SEX! If someone wanted to read a novel that contained sex only as an afterthought, they wouldn't be browsing through Literotica.com.
If you see that this story receives a poor score, bear those suggestions in mind if/when you decide whether or not to continue it.
